The setting sun...

He stands staring as the sun goes down
thinking about the time long gone by
the moments the memories and every other thing
he closes his eyes and breathes with a sigh

He was alone, oh lonely he was
crying in pain he spent many a night
all he wanted was someone to listen
someone to get along with, someone to fight

Like the light at the end of the tunnel
a ray of hope, he sensed someone nearby
it was her, who would hold his hand steady 

never let go even if it was his time to die

Like a breeze from the ocean she had come
sweeping his mind of the problems deep in
his heart's closed book suddenly felt open
as he read to her all the pages within

He felt happy, he suddenly felt connected
with his heart beat skipping really fast
he also felt scared, and a little worried
wondering how long it was going to last

Unsure of the outcome, he chose to tread
the path full of surprises that lay ahead
it was fun mostly, at times really wild
he held on to her like destiny's child.

Days passed in a jiffy, months became years
she had become his world, a beautiful bond
go with the flow, live in the moment
she kept saying, as he grew of her, more fond

From dusk to dawn, along with rest of the day
without each other they really could not stay
always wondering how it would feel to depart
he didnt realise when she had entered his heart

As expected fate showed its ugly face one day
times of separation and pain were on the way
we need to be strong, please dont leave
he begged to her, asked her not to give in

The fights and misunderstandings were on the rise
truth took a back seat, he visualised the lies
the world around him had began to crumble
thoughts inside his head were all so jumbled

He was missing her badly, scared of separation
he cried in pain through the times of desperation
he felt his hand now slowly loosing her grip
the more he tried to hold on, the more away it slip

He stands staring as the sun goes down
wishes to hold on to that vision before its gone
thinking about the day that had already past
worried about the darkness, a shadow it would cast

He hopes the day that follows is just as bright
with memories as wings, dreams are put into flight
moments cherished forever would serve as a guide
till death do they part, our souls will be tied

Forever and ever ... - Part 1

Atif woke up with a blank mind. Feeling absolutely nothing. It was as if some switch inside him had been turned off forever. He could not feel his own heartbeat anymore. He was alive but was not living. He had become emotionless as if something inside him was dead forever. This was happening for past many days now and he wondered why.

However, today was the day when it was all going to end. Or so he hoped. He was confused whether to go ahead with it or not. Just when he was deciding what to do, his phone rang.

"Hey buddy, you are coming for Jasmine's wedding right?", Neil asked.
Atif was quiet. He was still not believing he was even thinking of going.
"Hey Atif. You there?", Neil asked again.
"Yes", he replied after taking a deep breath.
"Great! See you there", Neil said cutting the call.

Neil was his office colleague and Jasmine's cousin brother. And thats how Atif had come to know about Jasmine in the first place. But Neil didn't know that Atif was madly in love with Jasmine.
Some people might call it crazy. Atif hardly felt that craziness for any other girl before. Hours spent together would fly away in a flash when he was with her. She was the only one with whom Atif could be himself and not had to pretend to be someone else. And today was her wedding.

Atif was in the shower few minutes later trying to understand what was happening. He closed his eyes and got lost in thoughts.

                                                           - - -***- - -
"Love you .. Love you .. Love you Atif", Jasmine said kissing him wildly everywhere on his face.
"Baaaaaaaaaap re .. Whats happened to you tonight", Atif replied smiling.
"Nothing. Just feeling happy being there with you right now at this moment.", she replied planting one more kiss on his lips.
"Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm", Atif replied looking into her eyes.
"Thank you", she said after staring back for a few minutes of silence.
"Why?", he enquired.
"For coming in my life. For making me feel happy again. Making me feel alive again. For bringing that smile back on my face. For teaching me what love is. For..."
"Bas Bas Bas.. ", Atif interupted her laughing. "You are welcome", he replied winking.
Jasmine cuddled into his chest dozing off for some time.

Upon hearing his hearbeat, she said smiling , "Dhak Dhak Dhak".
Atif eyes getting moist.
"Thank you too. For making my heart beat again.", he said.
"You are welcome", she replied winking back at him.
"Love you so much baby. Wish time stopped right here right now. Just you and me and NOW. This present. This moment.", he continued squeezing her in his arms
never to let go.
"Hmm.. ", she replied sleeping on top of him. After a few minutes she spoke again.
"Lets do one thing. Lets make up a code. Instead of saying I love you to each other. Lets say for example. J4A. Jasmine Love Atif and you can say A4J Atif Love Jasmine."
"What nonsense ! .. Cant we just say the three magical words. They sound so much better.", Atif replied winking.
"Yes I know, but just imagine we are in a crowded place or with friends or relatives or anywhere outside and we say these code words. Only you and me can understand the meaning.... the rest of the world will be confused trying to decipher it.", Jasmine smiled.
"hmmm..interesting, But shouldnt it be Atif loves jasmine and not Atif Love jasmine. Your english sucks.", Atif replied trying to pull her leg.
"Oye.. nothing like that. OK fine the Numeric 4 is not for love, its for - FOR".", Jasmine replied feeling confident again.
"Okayyy... thats better. So Jasmine FOR Atif and Atif FOR Jasmine", Atif replied smiling.
"Forever and ever and ever and ever ", Jasmine replied before kissing him again.
                                                           - - - ***- - -

Atif opened his eyes. Tears escaped from his eyes as the water from the shower washed them away. He dressed up, got ready, and minutes later got into his car and started driving. The past year had been very emotionally tiring for Atif. Seeing someone you love so much going to end up being with someone else right in front of your eyes and not being able to do anything about it is really painful.
Jasmine and Atif were in a relationship too long, even though they knew it was never going to work out. But still the very happiness they got from just being with each other made them stay together. But as they say all things come to an end and so did their relationship. It was painful for Atif, each and every day felt like a curse. He thought to end his life many times, made attempts too but failed. Each and every day thinking about that one person who was never going to be his. 

And today he was driving hoping that today he would be able to say the final goodbye and move on with his life. But then again he was not sure if this was going to work. But he had to try. He had to take this test to become stronger from inside. Or so he felt. As he was driving to the venue, he came across a red signal and he got lost in thoughts again.

                                                           - - -***- - -
"why are you doing this? It hurts.", Atif said crying in front of Jasmine begging her not to leave.
"I have to. Please understand. This is how it was always going to end.", Jasmine tried explaining.
"No, this is not how it was going to end. This is not how it should end. Please. I beg you. Lets do something different. Lets be brave. Lets fight this world together. As long as we are together we can be happy. You and me against the world baby. A4J and J4A baby", Atif said wiping his own tears.

Jasmine was feeling helpless. She was so tired fighting for love. There comes a point in ones life where you just have nothing but a dead block ahead and you know that that is the only place where you would be heading and that there is no escape and that its 
useless to try to do anything else but to accept the fate and surrender to destiny. Jasmise had reached that point.

"Please try to understand Atif. I need your permission to go ahead. I love you but I really cannot marry you. You need to understand. I need you to let me go. I need you to understand why I am doing this. I will always love you somewhere deep inside my heart for the rest of my life. Remember that. Please Atif. Please." Jasmine said folding her hands and falling on his chest.

Atif went silent. He moved the hair on her face away and planted a kiss on her forehead.
                                                                                                                                                 "Everything is going to be allright baby. A4J", he said hugging her.
                                                           - - -***- - -

Atif suddenly came back to his senses, hearing the horn of the truck right behind him. He was almost near the marriage venue. His heart was beating so fast it felt it would pop up right out of his chest. He got down from his car, starting walking towards the church. There were some guests waiting outside waving at him.

"Hey Atif, you showed up. Great. We thought you wouldn't..", one friend said before the other nudged him with the elbow asking him to stop.
Atif smiled and said,"Come on guys. Jasmine is a very close friend of mine. I couldn't miss this wedding for anything else." He replied with a fake smile.

As he moved inside the church, he saw lots of familiar and many unfamiliar faces around him. Recognizing Neil, he went over and sat next to him. A few words of catching up were followed by introductions to some relatives and other guests present at the wedding.

"There you see the guy in the grey suit.. that's him..... John.", Neil said pointing to the guy standing in the front row exchanging pleasantries with a few guests. This was the guy whom Jasmine had chosen. This was the guy who Jasmine would be going to be with for the rest of her life. This was the guy who would get to hold her, kiss her, take care of her and grow old with.

"Hmmm... Lucky guy", Atif said replying feeble voiced as if a knife had pierced his heart.

Before the knife could penetrate any deeper, suddenly the music began to play. John moved to his position in front of the priest. The best men and bridesmaids followed to theirs. Everyone was on their feet and turning towards the entrance of the room.  Atif turned back. And there she was. Jasmine. The love of his life. His soul mate. Walking hand in hand with her father with her lovely white flowing gown and her beautifully tied up hair. She was smiling with a sparkle in her eyes. Her skin was glowing. She looked so happy. It was like falling in love with her all over again.

                                                           - - -***- - -
"What are the best things you like about me. Be honest.", Jasmine said lying on Atif's lap.
"Hmmmm...there are so many actually. Really tough to compare or call "best"., he replied smiling.
"Cmon tell na please", Jasmine said slapping him lightly on arm which was across her neck.
"Well, you have got beautiful beautiful eyes, its like they are telling me a story and I just want to keep looking inside them and trying to understand and listen to what they are saying. I could just go on looking at them forever.", Atif replied as Jasmine giggled.
"Continue continue", she said.
"Then, your lovely hair as if they are like the waves of the ocean trying to fall on each other to reach the shores of your face", he added.
Jasmine giggled loudly. " Ok....wow...J4A " she said not finding any other words.
"And...Your skin, its soooo soft and smoooth, it feels like .... like.... ", he said pausing.
"Bolo bolo", Jasmine said.
"Like... putting my hand in a pile of freshly excreted cowdung..all soft and mushy", Atif replied laughing.
"Youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu ...." Jasmine said getting up and hitting Atif with a pillow.
Atif running away trying to avoid being hit with Jasmine chasing him all over the house. Finally loosing breath, he lets her hit him, then pulls her towards him and plants one passionate kiss on her lips.
                                                           - - -***- - -

"Isn't she looking beautiful.", Neil said startling Atif out of his memory and bringing him into reality.
Jasmine had walked up to the altar and was standing next to John. He realized at that very moment how lucky he was to have her for whatever duration they had and create all those lovely memories and how sad it was now to loose her forever. But sometimes life does not really give you much of a choice. This was it. It was happening in front of his eyes. This was how it was always written. How it was always going to end. But Atif was strong. He had to do this. This vision he was seeing was going to hurt and cause lot of pain, but it would somehow open his mind and pull him out of the imaginary hope he was holding on to and to see reality that was going to materialize itself.

"Do you John Mathews, take Jasmine Donald as your wife.", the priest asked.
"I do", John replied.
"Do you Jasmine Donald take John Mathews as your husband.", the priest turned towards Jasmine now.

                                                           - - -***- - -
"Please say No", Atif was crying to Jasmine. " Please Please please. There is something unfinished between us. We are meant to be together. You and me. Whatever we have its different. Its special. Dont you feel it too. To hell with the society. To hell with this world. Just hold my hand this once and I promise I will never let go of it. Please don't accept John. Please. If you feel he treats you like a princess, I shall treat you like a queen. I promise you I will. You know I will."
"Yes Atif, I know you will. But please understand I really cannot do anything now. Its all fixed. Wedding invites have been sent out already. All relatives friends and everyone knows about it. Please understand my helplessness. I am sorry for putting you in this position. Please forgive me. I will always love you Atif. But I have to go. John is a nice guy, he will keep me happy. He loves me a lot. Your Jasmine will be happy Atif, thats what you want right. I am sorry Atif.", Jasmine said hugging him and crying her heart out on his chest.

" I will love you so much baby. Please dont leave me. I beg you. I am nothing without you. How can I live my life without you. The very thought of you not being there with me anymore is leaving an emptiness inside me and it will never be filled ever again. A4J and J4A right forever and ever. You only had said. Please Jasmine. Please I beg you. Please say no."
                                                           - - -***- - -
 
"I do", Jasmine replied as claps thundered in the church bringing back Atif to his senses again.

"You may now kiss the bride", the priest replied leaving John and Jasmine sharing the wedding kiss.

Atif was devastated at the vision. This was it. This was the end. He felt void and hollow and empty inside, as if everything inside his heart had been pulled out. But strangely he could not feel the pain. He had gone numb. His mind was blank. His body was loosing strength as he collapsed in the chair with eyes staring at emptiness.

"you okay buddy", Neil asked trying to hold him.
"Yaa, i am fine, Just lost my balance.", he smiled back.

People were rushing towards the couple congratulating them. John and Jasmine smiling back arm in arm walking to the dining hall.
 
"Hey Jazz", Neil shouted out loud making her turn back.
"Heyyy Neil, how are you.", she said excusing herself from Johns arms and walking towards Neil.
"Congratulations sis.", Neil said extending his arms. 

As Jasmine hugged him, she saw Atif sitting on the chair. An eye contact made and memories and moments and the whole past came flashing back to her mind. But she somehow gathered herself up.
Atif stood up and started walking towards them.

"Hey congrats Jasmine", Atif said extending both his arms for a hug at first and then quickly realising it was a wrong move at this point of time , put his hand out for shake.
The mere touch of her hand in his hand sent an unknown wave of an indescribable feeling all throughout his body. "The magic touch", some call it.
 "Thank You Atif. Good to see you. Thanks for coming.", Jasmine replied forcing herself not to get dragged back into that wave herself.

"Neil uncle, Susan aunty is calling you.", a small kid walked up to them.
"Excuse me guys, thats my mom calling. Will be back." Neil said before walking away leaving both of them in a very awkward situation.

"Sooo.. How have you been?.", Jasmine broke the silence.
"Great actually. Life is just rocking", Atif replied lying.
"Good to know you are happy.", she smiled back.
"Are you happy?", Atif enquired.
"Yes very much. John really takes care of me a lot. Loves me a lot.", Jasmine said.
"And do you love him?", Atif said smiling.
Jasmine smiled back., "Ofcourse I love him, he is my husband now".
Atif broke into a laughter, " Ofcourse he is and there he is searching for you", Atif said pointing to John.
"Bye Atif. Be happy.", Jasmine said as she was leaving.
"You too and Congrats once again.", Atif said as she walked away from him and towards John.

"Have a good life baby. A4J forever and ever .", he said to himself as he saw her holding John's hands again. 

Atif walked out of the church. He was trying to look inside himself to understand what he was feeling right now. He was broken. He was shattered. The girl he loved was now not his own but someone else's forever. He was feeling numb. Everything around him had slowed down and nothing or no one seemed to hold any importance. Everything around him seemed waste. His very existence seemed like a waste of time. What use of this life if you do not end up being with that one person whom you really want to be with. With whom you really want to spend your life with. When that person is taken away from you, what is left of you then, what do you become then. If that one person who makes you complete is no longer yours what happens then. 

Atif got into his car. Closed all the windows and was waiting to burst out into tears. But he didnt. It got him worried. How come he was feeling nothing? How come all  the tears had dried? Did he achieve what he had come for? Did it work seeing something that gives you pain manifest itself in front of your eyes that you dont feel it anymore? Did the pain inside him which was hurting him had finally gone away? Had he really gotten over Jasmine completely? 
Had he really moved on?  

To Be Contd....

Thats all I really ask ...

I know its difficult, I know its tough
things lately have gotten pretty rough
wierd you may call it, its very complicated
the love you have for me, is slowly getting outdated

I know together, we were never meant to be
but if it was possible, would you have chosen me
for all love and happiness, I have given to you
would you have spent with me, a life brand new

I think I know the answer, my heart assumes so
you would be with me, everywhere I shall go
for seasons may change, for time may pass
know my love towards you, will only amass

It may sound crazy, but please listen me out
Its you and only you, I really cant live without
ohhh I beg you baby, I have this special request
there is a lot of pain, I want rid off my chest

Please be there for me, please dont ever leave
as long as you need, love I shall surely give
Please do this as a favor, just fill my lifes blanks
for all the things I have done, give a return of thanks

for all the kisses, for all the hugs we shared
for the hands we held, for the souls we bared
for the moments of bliss, for the small little fights
for the love we made, all day throughout nights

for the magic we had, for the bonds we made
for the journeys we did, for the words we said
for the memories created, for the secrets we spoke
for the heart beats we heard, that each little stroke

for the lies we told to the world, the planning done
for the time we stopped and felt we were just one
for the fun we had, for the jokes we shared
for the tears we wiped, for that feeling of being cared

for the shoulder given, to cry out a river
for warming those hands, when they would shiver
for the outings we had, for the home cooked meals
feeding each other, for making some future deals

for the laps we slept on, with the hair we played
for carrying u in my arms from the door till the bed
for promises we made, for the trust we had
for just staring at each other and feeling so glad

I just need you in front of me, and that is true
how much I love you, oh baby you have no clue
in your life ahead, please do sometimes think of me
walk down the memory lane, please do sometimes miss me

I know you want me to leave, for you to move on
I hope you will shed a tear, after I am forever gone
I will wish for your happiness, oh I shall pray
please dont hurt me, by having nothing to say

If you are alone sad, your knees on the ground
just remember I shall be there, will always be around
If you need someone to listen, or just to talk
just remember I shall be there, to go for a walk

just one thing i really really really want to say
in my heart forever baby, you will always stay.
just dont forget all the moments we ever had
just dont forget the guy who loved you so mad

I know that one day, you would be gone forever
maybe you will remember me a little, maybe never
I know its difficult, a really tough asking task
I just need a hug sometimes, thats all I really ask

Thats all I really ask...

yaad bhi aati hogi ?

ek faasla he beech me, dooriyan he satati

mohabbat ki imtehaan, bechaini he jatati

tumhare pyaar me har pal, ban raha hu jogi

kya tumko kabhi humari, yaad bhi aati hogi

   ek junoon he dil me, mann me deewangi he chayee

zindagi humko firse, kis mod pe leke he aayee

mehfil me jab bhi honge, dhadkan tanhayee sahegi

kya tumko kabhi humari, yaad bhi aati hogi

jab bhi mile he aapse, tootkar seene se lagaya he

jo kabhi bhi khatm na ho, utna pyaar dikhaya he

dil me jo dard he humare, kya thoda tum bhi logi

kya tumko kabhi humari, yaad bhi aati hogi

 

jo waqt kabhi humara tha, churaya kisi aur ne

cheenkar yaar ko mere, dil dukhaya kisi aur ne

jab akele honge hum, tab aansu ki nadi bahegi

kya tumko kabhi humari, yaad bhi aati hogi

hum door he tumse, par fir bhi paas kyoun he
ajnabee banaane chale hume, par khaas kyoun he
khone se humko sada ke liye, kya tum bhi darogi
kya tumko kabhi humari, yaad bhi aati hogi

tu kisi aur ke saath he, yeh seh nahi sakta

bina dekhe tujhko ek din reh bhi nahi sakta

dil me humare, tasveer banke sirf tum hi rahogi

kya tumko kabhi humari, yaad bhi aati hogi

baaho me bharke tumhe, ek ehsaas alag jo ata he

bayan nahi kar pata use, par tera dil woh jaanta he

zindagi ki ghadi ruk jaye us lamhe me, kya tum ruk paogi

kya tumko kabhi humari, yaad bhi aati hogi

jab hoti ho tum haskar, gairo ki nigaho me

yaad karte he hum tumko apni hi baaho me

dil ki awaaz hamari, dhyan se kya tum sunogi

kya tumko kabhi humari, yaad bhi aati hogi

zindagi waqt me kaid he, beet hi jayegi
par guzre lamho ki yadein baar baar ayegi
humne di hui suchi khushi, kya tum kabhi paogi
kya tumko kabhi humari, yaad bhi aati hogi

hum baithe he yaha, apna dil ka haal sunate

yaad kitna karte he tumko, yeh likhte batate

kya thodi jagah dil me humare liye bhi rakhogi

kya tumko kabhi humari, yaad bhi aati hogi 

kya tumko kabhi humari, thodisi yaad bhi aati hogi.

 

Emptiness... Hollowness...

A brand new person comes into her life

wanting to keep her forever as his wife

the future seems bright, she is stuck in the past

an emptiness, a hollowness exists inside her heart

She walks beside him, gladly holding his hand

a smile on her face, exploring an unknown land

hoping to find a new beginning, a new start

an emptiness, a hollowness exists inside her heart

He loves her a lot, or so does she think

he tries to be with her, for her every single blink

she hopes to love him too, till death makes them depart

an emptiness, a hollowness exists inside her heart

She fights with herself, her mind to be clear

tries to throw away those, who once were dear

sometimes she wins, but the goodness is lost

an emptiness, a hollowness exists inside her heart 
 

He gives her roses, and compliments and gift

when with him, her mood always seems to lift

she assumes she is happy, she does well to act out her part

an emptiness, a hollowness exists inside her heart

She asks herself what it is that she has done

is this the best for her, can it ever be undone

she finds no answers, reality hits her like a dart

an emptiness, a hollowness exists inside her heart

He hugs her tight, with thoughts full of love

she hugs him back, crying to the heavens above

but she misses that magic touch, it tears her apart

an emptiness, a hollowness exists inside her heart

She feels its different, something pokes her inside

something is missing, something not right by her side

as though she waits for something to kick start

an emptiness, a hollowness exists inside her heart

A decision has been made, a self chosen choice

one heart has been broken, that has lost its voice

time is the horse pulling her life's cart

an emptiness, a hollowness exists inside her heart

Each day will pass in trying to forget
the true love once that was trapped in her life's net 
In the lonely nights, memories will rip her apart
an emptiness, a hollowness exists inside her heart

Life will be lived, a future will be laid

wounds will be healed, feelings will be dead

yet happiness is faked, pretending to be smart

an emptiness, a hollowness exists inside her heart

A day shall come, when death shall knock

the ship of past memories will return to the mind's dock

Her true love will come to hug her, before his soul shall depart 

no emptiness, no hollowness will then exist inside her heart.

Zindagi...Meri Zindagi...

zindagi kyoun tu mujhe khud se door karti he

paas tere me baar baar firse aata rahunga

maut bhi degi mujhe to woh manzoor hogi

marne se pehle tere hi liye dua karunga

zindagi kyoun tu itni mujhse naraaz he

jab har pal sirf tujhi ko me chahta rahunga

dard bhi tu deti he khushiyon k saath

ishq ki baarish me fir bhi me nahata rahunga

zindagi tujhse kai saare sawal karne he

jawab jinke kabhi me jaan nahi paunga
kya such he, kya jhoot he tere andar

nahi jaanke sirf tere hi nagme gaunga

zindagi me to musafir hu teri naav me

tu jahan bolegi me wahan utar jaunga

paani me doob jaunga fir bhi yaad rakhna

tujhe kabhi bhi dil se bhula nahi paunga

                                           

zindagi tu to woh gulaab he pyaar ka

me to khusbhoo hu, fiza me bikhar jaunga

dil toota he itna andar, zara dhyaan se

chhu lene se kabhi, kahi bhi bikhar jaunga

zindagi humne kitne saare pal bitaye he

kaise un sabko mann se nikal paunga

har ek pal, woh har ek lamha khaas he

aakhri saans tak dil me mehfus rakhunga

zindagi tune fir se hasna mujhe sikhaya

is ke liye tujhe shukriyan kehna chahunga

fir se mohabbat karna, jo tune dikhaya

is karz ko me kabhi chuka nahi paunga

zindagi tu sirf meri he, meri hi rahegi

umr bhar saath tera me nibhaunga

kitne bhi kaate daalegi tu mere raaste me

kadmo me tere, me to phool hi sajaunga

Zindagi...Meri Zindagi....

The Last Dance...

And there she was standing in front again

slightly drenched by a little cold rain

her hair dancing on her beautiful little face

she carries herself with so much grace

|

And there she smiles blinding my eyes

followed by a chuckle and cute naughty sighs

she holds my hands and puts it on her waist

her hands around my neck, with a little more jest
|
"Lets dance", she says, "till the rain stops"

a sideways movement, with tiny little hops

she climbs on my feet, pretending to be tall

gently kisses my cheeks, looking like a doll

|
After a while, she rests her head

on my chest, she makes her bed
the warmth of her body,against my skin

burning me up, completely within

|

I hold her tight and kiss her lips

we dont say a word, just move our hips

"I love you" I say, she smiles little shy

"Thank you" , she replies I wonder why

|

|

Sometimes silence says more than thousand words

sets free all of them, as if feelings are birds

we look at each other, not a word we say

to share so many thoughts, we still find a way

|

The time gone by flashes in front of the eyes

there is a smile on the face but the heart still cries

memories and moments and all those little things

Ahhh.. destiny will weep, as fate silently sings

|

Perhaps this is how love is supposed to be

mutual and quiet and expectation free

just knowing deep inside that it exists and is true

a broken heart is fixed, when love acts like a glue

|

I hug her once more, a gentle tight squeeze

her eyes are closed, she is at so much ease

standing at cross-roads, we see our paths separate

she lets go of my hand, feeling little desperate

|
The rain now finally comes to a halt

the heaven have cried, its time to depart

"Goodbye" she says, as she walks away

"I will love you always", I reply, "forever this way"

Dil Dhoondta Reh Gaya...

unhone undekha karke rasta badal diya
dil churakar dhadkan ka qatal kar diya
hum tanhayion me dhoondte rahe sahara
aur unhone khudko ko gairo ke hawale kar diya

unke aasuno ko pike, saara dard unka humne le liya

fir bhi tassali na hui, thoda aur dard hume de diya

unko baaho me leke, saara ghum unka humne bhulwaya

fir kyoun chhod diya hume besahara, dil ko aise dukhwaya

itna pyaar kiya unse humne ki

ishq ki aag me khud ko humne jala dala

saath diya har pal unka humne ki

unke liye, apno ko bhi humne bhula dala

takdeer ne daga diya, har baar is tarah

haatho ki lakeer, bikhri si padi he har jagah

khud se khafa rahu, ya rahu unse naraaz

pyaar me unke dil, aisi kaunsi khata kar gaya

mera khuda bhi itna naaraaz he mujhse
ghum ki siyahi se mera nasib likhta reh gaya
unhone bhi dee mujhe aisi pyaar karne ki saza
aansuon me khudke me to doobta reh gaya

seene me dil to he lekin, dhadhkan he nahi

khoya khoya sa rehta hu har pal har jagah

saanse chal rahee he,  par zindagi he nahi

sochta rehta hu door jaane ki kya thi wajah

unhe paakar koi aur, kabhi bhi paa nahi sakega

dil me unke sada ke liye, sirf humara hi naam rahega

meri mohabbat ki takad ka andaza nahi he unko

dil tootkar phir bhi, unke diye hue, zakhmo ko sahega

jab bhi yaad ayenge hum, dil unka bhi royega

aansu peene wala aisa ashiq, phir kahan unhe milega

jab bhi mann unka yaado ke sagar me doobega

kaske baaho me bharne wala, phir kahan unhe milega

shikayat nahi unse, na he unse kuch bhi ruswayee
dosh to zindagi ka he, khushiyan jo meine payee
ghadi ke kaato ko me, dekhta reh gaya bebas hokar
door chalee gayee woh, palat kar fir nahi muskurayee

taare bhi ro padenge judai pare humare,

barsega tab khuda ki aankho se bhi paani

nachegi woh usme apne yaar ke sang jhoomke,

chaand reh jayega us din, bankar sirf ek kahani.

tadpegi woh bhi gumsum si raato me

yaad jab bhi humari aayegi unko

tab bhi dua maangega dil unke liye

khushiyaan humari mil jaye sari unko

kuch adhura sa lagta he, kuch to chhoot raha ho jaise

unke na hone ka dard kitna he, unko samjhau to bhi kaise

ghum ka saya darata he har baar, har jagah mujhe

andhere se mehfus dil, ro raha he futkar kahi jaise

ab kaunsi raah pe chalega toota dil mera
gumraah jab usko, manzil ne khud kar diya
jahan hoga sannata aur tanhayee ka basera
apne aap ko wahan, dil dhoondta reh gaya...

dil dhoondta reh gaya ...

Alvida...

Sometimes...some songs just touch that portion of the heart which is the most sensitive one. So many memories just come flooding to the brain by just listening to the song. Pain, anger, frustration, betrayal, desperation, all the good times, all the bad times, all at once.

Heard one such song and felt that whoever has written this song must have definitely felt the pain of separation, that pain of betrayal. Each and every line is so meaningful, so heart touching. As if trying to convey to some person how much pain has been caused and how much he is suffering. And the way KK has sung it putting his whole soul in it is absolutely fabulous.

The song has a great tempo too, starts slowly and quietly as if trying to ask someone "kyoun?" and then it picks up such a pace and lyrics as if trying to say "ab dekhna kya hota he".

I am sure all those who have felt heartbreaks will love screaming out this song loudly.
Surely a "HEARTFELT" song. Must Listen .... NJOY !!

---
Chupke se kahin, Dheeme paao se
Jane kis tarah Kis Ghadi
Aaghe badh gaye Humse raahon mein
Per tum to abhi the yahin
Kuch bhi na suna
Kab ka tha gila
Kaise keh diya Alvida

Jinke darmiyan Guzri thi abhi
Kal tak yeh meri Zindagi
Lo unn baahon ko Thandhi chao ko
Humbhi kar chale Alvida
Alvida Alvida
Meri raahein alvida
Meri saansein kehti hai Alvida
Alvida alvida Abb kehna aur kya
Jab tune keh diya Alvida

Sunle bekhabar yun, aankhein pher kar
Aaj tu chali ja .....Doondhegi Nazar
Humko hi magar Har jagah
Aise raaton mein
Leke karwate yaad humein karna
Aur phir haarkar
Kehna kyun magar
Keh diyaaaa
Alvida Alvida Koi poche to zara
Kya socha aur kaha alvida
alvida alvida abb kehna aur kya
Jab tune keh diya Alvida


Hum the diljale Phir bhi dil kahe
Kash mere saang aaj hote tum agar
Hoti har dagar gulsitaa
Tumse hai khafa hum naraaz hai
Dil hai pareshaaan
Socha na zara tune kyon bhala
Keh diya
Alvida Alvida Koi poche to zara
Kya socha aur kaha alvida
alvida alvida abb kehna aur kya
Jab tune keh diya Alvida

----

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vs59WX9vjmE

pyaar ki daastan...

ek tute dil ki awaaz he yeh,
dard se bhari muskaan he yeh,
aansu poch kar fir se jo ro de,
ek anokhi pyaar ki daastan he yeh.

us tute dil ko dekhkar, door se,
aate he sab dawa lekar,
maangte he dua, karte he marammat,
jodte he tukdo ko, mohabbat dekar.

dete he pal, khushiyon bhare,
rehte he sang, humsufar bankar,
pakadte he haath, zor se kaskar,
baahon me bharke, gale se lagkar.

pyaar ki kashti, behti rehti he,
unke hi saanso ke zor par,
zindagi haseen ban jaati he,
rehti he seene me woh, dhadkan bankar.

par shayad nasib ko, yeh manjoor nahi,

dil khush ho kisika itna, yakeen nahi,

dekh nahi pata is dil ko sukoon me woh,

badal deta he rukh, woh jo dikhta nahi.

kya maza ata he use isme wohi jaane,

kya saza he yeh bhi jaanta nahi,

zindagi dene wala kyoun karta he yeh,

kyun khelta he dil se aise, pata nahi.

bhejta he koi shaqs, ajnabee bankar,

nazar jaan pe mere daalkar,

kehta he do labz, woh ishq ke churakar,

door le jaane ki use, zid pakadkar.

fir ata he tufaan, andheri raat me,

jalta he dil fir se, nafrat ki aag me

aankh se khoon ki nadi he behti,

murjhata he dil ka phool, fir bheed bhari baag me.

le jata he use gairo ki baaho me,

saari kasmo ko aise todkar,

yaad bankar dhadkan mar jaati he,

dil hota he akela firse us modpar.

kya farak padta he use, haath ko chodkar,

kya ansu ata he use, rooh ko nochkar,

us ehsaas ka gala, ghut jata he,

woh jo kabhi raha tha zindagi bankar.

fir se basahara dil, cheekhta rehta he,

raato me akela, usika naam lekar,

fir se zindagi se haarta he bechara,

kya kami reh gayee pyaar me poochkar.

agar itna pyaar karne par bhi,

door jaata he dil todne wala,

pyaar ka bharosa kaise karega dil,

fir se ayega koi jab ise jodne wala.

ek tute dil ki awaaz he yeh,

dard se bhari muskaan he yeh,

aansu poch kar fir se jo ro de,

ek anokhi pyaar ki daastan he yeh.

phir kyun dil ...

raah me milte he, kai saare chehre
bas ek chehra kyoun is dil ko bhata he
kya khaas he usme, yeh jaanta  bhi nahi
phir kyun dil, sirf usi ko chahta he...
 
dekhti he jab woh, mujhe taak kar
ankho me khokar uske duniya bhul jata he
kya jaado he usme, yeh jaanta bhi nahi
phir kyun dil, sirf usi ko chahta he...
 
khud ko bhulake, baaho me uske
sukoon jo itna dil ko aata he
kya junoon he usme, yeh jaanta bhi nahi
phir kyun dil, sirf usi ko chahta he...

sapno me khokar, jahan basa leta he yeh
khush khudko itna tab pata he
kya jannat he usme, yeh jaanta bhi nahi
phir kyun dil, sirf usi ko chahta he...

haath pakad ke uska, haatho me
raasta pata nahi kaise kat jata he
waqt kaise guzar jata he, yeh jaanta bhi nahi
phir kyun dil, sirf usi ko chahta he...

dua maangta nahi, kiski k liye kabhi
jab bhi mangi to wohi yaad aata he
kya khudayi he usme, yeh jaanta bhi nahi
phir kyoun dil, sirf usi ko chahta he...

pyaar ishq mohabbat, to sirf alphaaz he
yeh kuch aur hi he, jo ehsaas ban jaata he
kya naam de ise, yeh jaanta bhi nahi 
phir kyun dil, sirf usi ko chahta he...
 
jhalak ke liye uske, tarasta he har roz
door jaake us se, ek pal na reh paata he
kya dor bandhi he uske saath, yeh jaanta bhi nahi 
phir kyun dil, sirf usi ko chahta he...

adat ho gayee he uski is tarah
mehfil me bhi dil, tanha ho jata he
zindagi ka kya hoga aage yeh jaanta bhi nahi 
phir kyun dil, sirf usi ko chahta he...

 

phir bhi kyun dil, sirf usi ko chahta he...

The Second Proposal

The night was dark.
The air was cold.
The mood was bad.

It was just like any other day at work and Rashmi was doing what she did best - lots of "hardly" work, Sitting in her office, in her cubicle, her eyes looking at the computer screen in front, her mind was wandering all around the globe of her thoughts. Her beautiful journey was suddenly interupted by "Chin ta ta chita chita chinta ta ta" ringtone coming out from her cell.
 
"Hello" she said sharply, angry to be woken up from her daydream.
"Hello", a voice on the phone said. 

A simple commonly used word by many - Hello. Rashmi must have heard it a million times before from many different people. But this "hello" was different even though she felt she had heard it before. It made her heart beat in a way that no other "hello" has ever done before. It was like a magic spell of time travel throwing her back into another world. A world that had been destroyed yet living somewhere deep inside her.

"Kevin??", she replied slowly, almost pinching herself a little, not able to believe.
"Heyyyyy... Rashmi", Kevin replied.
"Kevvvviiiinnnnn...OMG...how r u doing...", Rashmi was overjoyed, feeling her heart beating twice as fast as before.

Only a few days back Rashmi was furious when his thoughts had brushed her mind. It had been years that they had talked or met. Kevin had not bothered to reply to her mails nor calls and she had decided never to reach out to him again. And now this. Just hearing his voice, made her smile, made her happy. The happiness that had eluded her for years. Her brain was suddenly flooded with all the moments spent with him. All those wonderful memories. Those eyes, that smile, his touch. That "Real" happiness everyone wishes for, that "real" love everyone longs for.

"I am doing fine. I landed in Delhi yesterday. Actually, I was fighting with myself whether to call you or not and I lost the fight and here I am speaking to you.", Kevin said without taking a breath.
"Okayy .. hmmmm .."she replied feeling strangely happy. 
"So...how have u been doing. Hope I am not disturbing you", Kevin said almost laughing.
Rashmi laughed back.
"Why are you laughing?", he asked.
"Why are youuuu laughing?, she replied back laughing even more loudly.

It was weird. Years had passed since their breakup but still it felt that nothing had changed. Rashmi remained quiet after controlling her laughter nerves. She was feeling happy for some known or unknown reason.

"This is weird right" ,Kevin continued. "I mean I never expected we would be laughing like this when we talk. I always felt that there is a bit of awkwardness when ex-s meet or talk after long time".

"Hmmm...well.. to be honest, even I am surprised. I was really angry with you for just walking out of my life like that. But now when I am hearing your voice, I dunno why all that anger and hatred towards you just evaporated." Rashmi replied.

"Hmmmm .." , was the only sound Kevin could make. "I am sorry Rashmi for giving up on you", he said after a moment of silence. "But hope you understand why".

"yaaaaa... lets not go into that now", Rashmi replied. "So tell me how have you been doing, how is work and everything"

"Dont change the subject Rashmi. I am trying to say something. Please hear me out. ", Kevin raised his voice a little.

"What do you want to say Kevin ? That you loved me once and then suddenly realised that nothing was going to work out, so you decided to just stop loving, walk out of my life as if everything would be fine. You had even mentioned it that dont worry time will heal everything. But NO kevin, it has not. My wounds are still open and your thoughts keep reopening them all the time. Time has passed, but I am still thinking about you even though now I should not", Rashmi paused.

" Even I still think about you Rashmi. I dont know why but no matter who I am with, I do not feel the same way I feel, when I am with you. There is something there which is binding us together Rashmi and that is why even after so many years, I still feel that as if it was only yesterday since I last spoke to you. Why does this happen. Coz i realised..... ", Kevin said without a pause.

Rashmi was silent, waiting to hear what he was got to say next.

"Coz i realised that the only thing in this world that really matters to me is you Rashmi.", Kevin replied slowly.

Rashmi was quiet. She didnt know wat to say. After an awkard silence, Kevin spoke again.

"Can we meet?", he replied almost begging in a way. Rashmi wanted to say No, but something inside her really wanted to see him. 
"I will be free in an hour", she replied not anwering in a yes or a no. 
"Ok, will come to pick you up outside your office.", he replied.
"Wait, do you know where I work now?", she replied surprised.
"I did my research... as always", Kevin replied with a smile.

An hour later, they were in a restaurant, close to Rashmi's house having dinner and listening to live romantic gazals being played out. Waiting for the food, talking about all the old moments they had shared together, and all the new things that happened in their lives in the past many years, laughing ocassionaly, smiling sometimes, just looking into each other eyes, having so much to say, but not finding words. They knew that there was something, some connection which made them feel, the way they felt, for each other. Its a rare feeling. Its like two souls talking to each other. Its divine.

Rashmi wondered why Kevin was back in her life and instead of being angry or staying away from him, why was she sitting with him having dinner. Deep inside she knew that no matter what happened, she would always love only one person and that is Kevin. She too never felt the same way for anyone else like she did for him. Perhaps fate had some plan in mind. Perhaps something interesting was going to happen in her life afterall. Perhaps she would still have a "lived happily ever after" moment soon. But then she was cautious. She didnt want to go into a dreamland so soon. She wanted to just take things as they came.

Kevin wondered how to tell Rashmi how he felt for her. It had been years, but he could never get over her. He came back for her, but would she accept him back. 

After having a lovely dinner and walking back home. It was cold. Rashmi replied, thank you, as Kevin made her wear his jacket. She felt good to be taken care of like this. Kevin realised that it was now or never.

As he stood with Rashmi below her society, Kevin looked straight into her eyes without saying a word.
"Kevin???", Rashmi replied with a smile looking straight back at him. He slowly stretched his hand and held her fingers gently.

"There is something I wanted to tell you for a really long time now. All this time, we were separate, I could never really let go of you. I thought about you each and every day, each and every moment. I tried my best not to, but I failed each and everytime.", he uttered slowly as Rashmi looked into his eyes.

"Now I dont really need to tell you this, but as they say sometimes words just need to be spoken out. There was a song once which said, that love cannot be expressed by lips, thats why in love eyes become the tounge. I knew that our eyes had already confessed what our heart desires were, but then saying it aloud and making it official was a big big committment to be made. I was scared of it, but not anymore. I know you already know this, but all i wanted to say was I love you very very much." Kevin said it ending with a smile. 

"Kevin ! ", Rashmi replied avoiding eye contact, not knowing what to say or how to react. "Are your proposing to me again.?", she replied finally with a calmness in her voice.

" Listen Rashmi. I may have said those 3 words to you already, but then that was then. There were some very important things that I wanted to say then but could not. And I need to tell it to you now before its too late. Now I dont know whether i love you truly, madly or deeply or whatever, but those are just words. All i know that when I look at you, my heart feels something inside it. I dont know how to describe that feeling, but its there. And i feel happy. What I really wanted to say was that
there are some things I want to do for the rest of my life, like
I just want to look at your face and keep looking.
I just want to see your smile.
I just want to look into those lovely eyes. If tears come in them, I want to drink them off before they fall to the ground and get wasted. They are precious. Everything about you is precious.
I just want to see you laugh like crazy, i want to make you laugh like crazy.
I want to get up everyday, see you next to me, sleeping peacefully in my arms.
I want to kiss you gently waking you up and when you smile at me, want to hug you tightly.
I want to see you get ready, put on your clothes, see you put on your daily makeup.
I want to watch you while you comb your wonderful hair, tilting your head at one side and then the next, smiling at me from the mirror, a little shy.
I want to hold your hand and go for long walks.
I want you to hold my arm near my elbow and rest your head on my shoulders.
I want to hold you in my arms and tell you each day how beautiful you are.
I want to hug you tightly and never let go.
If you are worried about something, I want to kiss you gently on your forehead and tell you everything is going to be okay.
I want to be there for you, by you, with you at all times.
I want to take care of you and make lots of babies with you. I want us to bring them up together till they finally stand on their own feet.
I want to see your hair turn grey slowly, want to watch you get fat and get wrinkles and become old, but still looking very pretty.
Then I want to wait with you, hold your hand, till life departs from my body. And before I leave this world, I want to wish and pray that if there is a next life, I get you back in it and I get to relive it all over again with you and only you. ",  Kevin replied speaking each sentence clearly and slowly.

Then he went on his knees, removed a ring and said "I Love you so very much and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Marry me ".

Rashmi had tears in her eyes already. She was laughing at the same time. 
"Yes", she replied as they hugged and kissed.

The night was dark.
The air was cold.
The mood was good.

Once again...

Once again, I try to be strong, in front of fate
About to take my love away, on any given date
"Why?" I ask, "why does it always have to be me?"
It laughs mockingly, "this is how its meant to be".

Once again, I say its wrong, like a bloody twisted joke
Why is my heart, that is the one, always left broke
What wrong do i do, what awful sins do i make
That this punishment i get and a smile i have to fake.

Once again, why its me that always has to let go
Why is it me that always has to hear a no
Why am I the one who has to make the sacrifice
Why is it me that always has to be nice.

Once again, why is it me who has to suffer this pain
To watch my love being taken away again and again
In front of my eyes, a stranger sweeps it away
Leaving me helpless, having nothing to say.

Once again I ask what should I really do now
Be the looser, give up or keep fighting somehow
If loving someone so much, always ends up like this
Then why the hell do I love, why do I always miss.

Once again, I say that I loved with all my heart
Then why do I have to see it like this, being taken apart
Ripped to pieces, left scattered all over the floor
I cant even ask for help, knocking on any other door.

Once again someone comes and steals my love away
Leaving me looking like a dog, left to stray
What can I do, so as to not suffer this disdain
As my love walks away never turning back again.

Once again I am tired, the heavens too wont call me
Why cant they see me happy and just let me be me
Life becomes worthless, bloody dosent even end
Pain keeps poking, teasing me at every other bend.

Once again one more tear washes away the previous one
The heart shrinks inside the chest, mind sits undone
Had already lost faith in God, love will be soon to follow
As I look at myself in the mirror, so empty and so hollow.

Once again I cry, once again I die,
Once again to myself I have to lie
That things will be good, future will be bright
Once again in the dark, I hope to see the light.

Once again ...