"What are we going to do Abdul?", she started. I looked at her wondering where this is headed even though in the back of my head there was this lurking doubt about what its gonna be.
"Will our parents agree for this?", she continued.
"We know our parents will never agree for this. Should we stop all this...... thinking that the future seems dark or continue living the present which is full of happiness", she smiled. I wondered why she smiled. I could see her pain in that smile, but was I wrong?. No....I couldnt be....not after 3 years of a relationship......Or could I ?
I snapped out of going into a deadlock situation in the head and asked" So...what are you trying to say" in a blunt and to the face style question.
"See AB...(she called me by that name)...We fell in love without considering the fact that we are from different religion. Its been 3 years 2 months and ...7hours since it all started" . She said looking in her watch and smiling. Again that smile. Why was she smiling. It put me in a state of confusion again.
"We just went with the flow. We loved each other. We still do. Whenever thoughts about the future used to haunt us....we brushed them away......why?....coz we were so damn happy in the present...We tried convincing our parents but we know what their reply is going to be....We knew it right from the start but yet we continued......why...?.......all for the sake of the present. Its so lovely. You have given me so much love that I do not think anyone else can give me ever. But now ....as our present is slowly moving towards that future we both were scared to face....we have to realise that utlimately fate decides everything. I....i mean.......We....
AB....hope u understand what i am saying.", she looked at me with those big round eyes, those same eyes who i fell in love with.
"No....." i replied bluntly, expressionless trying to figure out what is happening here. She looked at me with a "how can i make you understand this" look.
"Are you trying to breakup? Do you want to end all this?" I asked her without showing any sign of the pain I was feeling inside.
"No....No..AB ...nothing like that" , she replied trying to persuade me to believe her. Or maybe realising that I was feeling the pain.
Three years in a relationship, we tend to understand whats going on in the other person's mind as well as heart. Maybe I was still learning how to understand her's while she could read mine easily.
"Then...?" was my next question.
"See...AB.....We are so happy with each other arent we....We have a present so very beautiful....Why cant we enjoy it till it lasts rather than wasting it away."..she replied.
"Way...way..wait..."I replied interuptting her...confused."A few minutes before you were saying something else.
"See. AB....listen all I am saying is that we both know that we can never be in the future together. So why not stay happy in the present and enjoy every moment till it lasts ......till one day we might have to get separated...Separation in any way....I mean what if I have an accident or something in the next 2 months.....so isnt it better to live those 2 months full of happiness than breaking up now?", she replied.
Finally she said the word. Breakup. But what was she really trying to say. I am confused. She was confusing me even more.
"Meera...Meera.....Meera.....Let me get this straight. You are trying to say that we continue being like this....enjoying the present .......till one day you or me get married to someone else whom our parents choose for us?" , I asked trying to put this in a simple sentence.
"Yes..." she replies stressing on the s.
"Oh..Hmmm...." I replied wondering where that leaves me.
"I know ...AB...it will be very painful. For both of us....But then its a fact....we have to face", she replied putting the finishing touches.
I knew in the back of my head that what she was saying was infact right.
...that this was going to be tough. Being of different religions and falling in love always had a murky future. I knew that one day either or both of the parents were going to oppose our relationship and that we would have to separated in a ugly and painful ...very painful way. I knew that what we had was so very beautiful. But the thing that Meera herself gathered so much courage and was telling me something ....which infact both of us knew .....was making me feel all the more terrible.
On one hand I feel as if I am being used and also I am using myself for the thing so called a very happy present. There seems to be a bit of selfishnes in both of us not to give up something we have so easily. On the other hand I was feeling......"hey its ok....this is life....accept it."
On one hand I was feeling angry, terrible and sad all at the same time.
On the other hand I was feeling whatever she is saying is right.
On one hand I was feeling why cant we go against fate or destiny which is written and write our own.
On the other hand all my strength was draining away knowing where my limitations are and which boundaries I could not cross.
Its like having something with you so close but knowing that it would be taken away one day. And then leaving you to think....now what....fight or surrender to fate.
I closed my eyes.
I just couldnt imagine Meera with someone else. My whole body used to fill with anger on that vision. Then a feeling of sadness engulfed me. I felt heartbroken already even though she was right there sitting in front of me.
Where is this going. Where are we headed. Whats going to happen.
Should we try to alter what is written. Or maybe its written that- we should write it on our own. Still feeling so confused, I looked up at her.
She was not smiling anymore.
Why was she not smiling anymore. Did she see the tear in my eye.
"Ab.....what happened dear....I know I cannot live without you....I know there is no life for each other without us. But then we have to face the future one day....OK...listen just forget everything I said...Lets not be sad wondering what going to happen and all......lets go with the flow."
She took her hand in mine. fingers interlocked.
Perhaps that was the best thing to do. To wait. Wait for that future to come. We cannot decide NOW...what is going to happen to us in the future. Hence let future come and show itself to us. Maybe we would still have a happy ending. Maybe we may not. But then that is life. We have to live with it. I tried to console myself with these thoughts still having that dreaded feeling of the immense pain I would be facing incase things dont work out our way. But then I have to be strong. Atleast for now.
"I love you and I always will no matter what happens", she said honestly.
"I love you too." , I replied smiling.
