something she should know....

Drifting back to a time gone by
she was in my life
now I'm watching her
thru' my misty eyes.

Looking back thru' the dreams
I could never let her go
because I miss her so
to get her in my life.

Wondering,if this could b the fate
I just don't understand
God am I too late? -or
Did somebody else take my place?

I've been trying to get to her heart
but everything i've planned
is a sinking sand
got that lonely feeling again.

Forgetting everything in her ocean of love
still haunts my memory
this wasn't what I wanted to be
a man in misery.

Everything falls apart
It doesn’t matter
if it takes a year or two
Someday she'll find the truth.

That,I could never let her go
because I miss her so
the same way that I always do
In spite of all the pain . . .
I love her so...and will always do.

For Friendship's Sake !!!

Siraj was going through what he felt was the worst phase of his life. Nothing seemed right. Nothing seemed exciting or intersting. He had got bored hanging out with his friends at the same places again and again. He had got bored with the monotonous life. Infact he had got bored with life itself.

The mobile was ringing.

"Hello", said Siraj.

"Hey !! Priya here. You coming for the party?" asked Priya.

Siraj was quiet for some time then replied, " Can't make it, have got some other pre planned commitments".

"Hey cmon yaar, everyone's going to be there. It would be great if you could come along too, for friendship's sake!!", Priya said. Siraj was quiet again.

"For friendship's sake!!". These words kept echoing again in his mind. There was a time when these words had such a great value in his life. He was the friend everyone wanted to have. " Tu to 'yaaron ka yaar' he yaar!!, his friends used to keep saying. He was like the thread which held everyone together. But somehow now, those three words had lost its significance.

"Sorry Priya, I really cant make it." he lied ending the conversation.

After cutting the call, he once again went back in time like he so often did.

--------------------

It was that time when everything seemed so much in control. He had lots of friends around him. He was the joker in the group. Always full of life. Always in a mood for fun, enjoying life to its fullest. He loved everyone and everyone loved him. That what he felt, then. He was having a time of his life. Friends, friends and more friends. Friendship ruled.

But a four letter word, spoilt it all. LOVE!!

Siraj always believed in the 'love at first sight' theory. He felt that when his so called life partner or soul mate would come in front of him, he would recognise her at once, at that very instant. Something would happen in his heart. Something which would make him say, Yes!! this is the ONE!!

That however hadn't happened when he had first met Priya through a common friend at the college festival. There was nothing about her which appealed to him at the first meeting.It was just a "hi, hello , glad to meet you" thing which happens with strangers until Priya slowly got into their gang and became an integral part of it.

He didnt know how and when it all started. But somehow among all the friends he had, there was one person he felt he needed to be there with him all the time. That one person without whom he felt that the group seemed incomplete. He felt incomplete. That one person without whom he didnt seem to get the same energy to have fun. That one person who made him happy. That one person....was Priya.

The more he talked to her, the more he got to know her better , the more he understood her , the more he fell for her.He seemed to realise that without her, something was always missing. A day never seemed like a day if he had not contacted her. She was special. There was never a moment when he did not think about her. he soon realised that this was love. this had to be love. It was his first and he never felt so happy before ever.

He wanted to have her and be with her for the rest of his life and thats when everything went wrong.

It was a dark and cloudy day as he waited outside her house. She came down to meet him. It was her birthday. He handed the bunch of roses he had bought for her.

" Happy Birthday Priya" , he said.

"Thank you, that's so nice of you.", she said taking the bunch.

" I love you , Priya" he blurted out without giving a second thought.

Minutes later he saw himself walking back to his home. The dark clouds hovering above his head had broken apart and the rains had come. His heart had broken apart and the tears had come. He tried to remember the last time they had come out, but he couldnt.

By the time he reached home he was totally drenched by the rain as well as by his own tears. More by which was hard to say.

Priya's face, that look of shock, those words she had said kept echoing in his head again and again.... 'i never looked at you from that angle , you will always be my good friend, i am sorry, hope you understand, can we still be good friends 'for friendship's sake' ....

--------------------

The mobile rang again bringing him into the real world. He cut the call, switched off his cell and threw it away. He held his head tightly and screamed louldy. He felt relived when he did this.

He got up and went to the balcony. That was one place where he felt at ease. That was one place he always went if he had to make any decision. That place was special.

'For friendship's sake' ....he couldnt seem to understand these words. He had changed now. He just didnt seem to be interested in anything. He felt his life had lost its meaning. He felt he had lost the reason for living. So much time, so many days had passed since that dreadful day. Yet he had not recovered.

But he had so much life in front of him. He had so much do to. So many dreams, so many responsibilities. He couldnt throw away his life like this, hiding away from reality.

There were two parts in him.

One which said to become like the SRK in Devdas and waste life for the love that was lost. The other which said be like the SRK in his real life who chased love till he finally got it.

One which said that no matter how hard he tried, Priya wasnt going to accept him. The other which said it was worth giving a try.

One which said, forget it, forget her, forget that she even exists, ignore her, move on find someone else. The other which said dont loose hope, keep in touch, dont loose the friend in her , for friendship's sake.

And because of these two parts inside him, he was always in a dilemma.
He loved her so much, much more that she could possibly imagine. But he just didnt know how to show her or make her understand. He still kept thinking of her all the time. The more he tried to forget her, the more he thought of her in the process. There was not a single day when he had not thought of her. He sometimes felt like calling her, speaking with her as if nothing had happened but couldnt gather the courage to do so. He had to understand that friendship was above love and that he had to be her friend if not her love.

But he had to take a decison soon. He had to remove one part out. He had to become who he was. He had to return to his friends. He had to choose. He had to choose and choose now. He had to choose the latter.

He had to do this for his own sake. He had to do this for friendship's sake.

He ran to get his mobile, switched it on.

"Heyy Priya, I'm coming for the party....for friendship's sake!!"

HERE WITHOUT YOU...

A hundred days have made me older,

since the last time that I saw your pretty face

A thousand lies have made me colder

and I don't think I can look at this the same

But all the miles that separate

They disappear now when I'm dreaming of your face

I'm here without you baby, but you're still on my lonely mind

I think about you baby, and I dream about you all the time

I'm here without you baby, but you're still with me in my dreams

And tonight, there's only you and me (yeah)

The miles just keep rolling,

as the people leave their way to say hello

I've heard this life is overrated,

but I hope that it gets better as we go (ooh yeah yeah)

I'm here without you baby, but you're still on my lonely mind

I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time

I'm here without you baby, but you're still with me in my dreams

And tonight girl, there's only you and me

Everything I know and anywhere I go (yeah)

It gets hard but it won't take away (yeah yeah yeah) my love

And when the last one falls, when it's all said and done

It gets hard but it won't take away my love (ooh ooh ooh)

I'm here without you baby, but you're still on my lonely mind

I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time

I'm here without you baby, but you're still with me in my dreams

And tonight girl, there's only you and me (yeah)(oh yeah, ooooh, oooooooh)

(I'm all alone)

--- 3 DOORS DOWN

URL : http://www.muvids.com/3_doors_down_videos/here_without_you.html

Letter from God.

My Dear Children (and believe me, that’s of all of you),

I consider myself a pretty patient guy, I mean, look at the Grand Canyon. It took millions of years to get it right. And evolution? Boy, nothing is slower than designing that whole Darwinian thing to take place, cell by cell, and gene by gene.

I’ve been patient through your fashions, civilizations, wars and schemes and the countless ways you take Me for granted until you get yourself into big trouble again and again. I want to let you know about some of the things that are starting to tick me off.

First of all, your religious rivalries are driving Me up the wall. Let’s get one thing straight: These are YOUR religions, not Mine. I’m beyond them all. Every one of your religions claims that there is only one of Me (which by the way, is absolutely true). But in the very next breath, each religion claims it’s My favourite one. And each claims its religious book was written personally by Me.

Okay, listen up now. I’m your Father and Mother, and I don’t play favourites among My children. Also, I hate to break it up to you, My longhand is awful, and I’ve always been more of a ‘doer’ anyway.

So all of your books were written by me and women. They were remarkable people, but they also made mistakes here and there. I made sure of that, so that you would never trust a written word more than your own living heart.

You act like I need you and your religions to stick up for Me or ‘win souls’ for My sake. Please don’t do me any favours. I can stand quite well on my own, thank you. I don’t need you to defend Me and I don’t need constant credit. I just want you to be good to each other.

And another thing: I don’t get all worked up with over money or politics, so stop dragging My name into your dramas. The thing is, I want you to stop thinking of religion as some sort of royal pledge to Me. The true purpose of your religion is so that you can become more aware of Me, not the other way around.
Believe Me, I know you already. I know what’s in each of your hearts, and I love you with no strings attached. Lighten up and enjoy Me. That’s what religion is best for. What you seem to forget is how mysterious I am.

You look at petty differences in your Scriptures and say, ‘Well, if this is the truth, then that cant be !’ But instead of trying to figure out My paradoxes and Unfathomable Nature, which by the way, you never will, why not open your hearts to simple common threads in all your religions.

You know what I am talking about: love and respect everyone. Be kind, even when life is scary and confusing, take courage and be of good cheer, for I am always with you. Learn how to be quiet, so that you can hear My still, small voice (I don’t like to shout). Hold back nothing from life, for the parts of you that can die surely will, and the parts that can’t, won’t. So don’t worry be happy (I stole the last line from Bobby McFerrin, but who do you think gave it to him in the first place?)

Simple stuff. Why do you keep making it so complicated? It’s like you are always looking for an excuse to be upset. And I am very tired of being your excuse. Do you think I care what you call Me? Do you think I care which of my special children you feel closest to?

You can call Me and My special ones any name you choose, if only you would go about my business of loving one another as I love you. How can you keep neglecting something so simple? I am not telling you to abandon your religions. Enjoy your religions, honour them, learn from them, just as you should enjoy, honour, and learn from your parents. But do you walk around telling everyone that your parents are better than theirs?

Each religion is unique for a reason. Each has a unique style so that people can find the best path for themselves. If you really want to help them commit yourselves to figuring out how to feed your hungry, clothe your naked, protect your abused and shelter your poor. And just as importantly, make your own everyday life a shining example of good humour.

I’m not really ticked off. I just wanted to grab your attention because I hate to see you suffer. I want you to be happy.

Your One and Only,

God

.

--->Neale Donald Walsch

Author of " Conversations With God"

Zara Nazar Uthake Dekho

Hi Guys..

Dont you just wonder that there are some songs which just touch your heart.
Some songs which may be from a superflop movie, some from a movie which no ones heard of, but yet they are there and you just love them for reasons unknown. And ofcourse there may be many of them.

Well here is one such song, which has been my favourite and has u know as they say struck the strings of my heart since the first time i heard it.

Its from a movie "LETS ENJOY" sung by Silk Route. Am sure most of you might never have heard of the movie and also the song.

Lyrics:

Zaara naazar uthake dekho
Baithe hai hum yahi
Bekhabar mujhse kyon ho?
Itne boore bhi hum nahin

Zamane ki baaton mein uljho na
Hai yeh aasaan janana
Khud se jo agar tum poocho
Hai hum tumhare ke nahi

Teri aankhon ka jaadu
Poori duniya pe hai
Duniya ki iss bheed main
Sabse peeche hum kahen

Mehfile aayi aur gayi
Log aaye aur gaye
Tum jo aaj aaye ho
Dil mein ho bas gaye

Muskarake baat taalo na
Phir miloge jo kahi
Dekhana yahi kahoge
Itne boore the hum nahi

Teri aankhon ka jaadu
poori duniya pe hai
Duniya ki is bheed mein
sabse peeche hum khade

Hear it guys...i just love this one.

This one goes out ...straight from the heart...to that one girl out there......made for me.
zara nazar ka dekho.........;-)

http://www.esnips.com/doc/ad96ba21-b1ab-42be-95b6-6e86f8ccdae7/SABSE-PEECHE-HUM-KHADE

Cheers...

Love you all. :-)

Hum to aise he bhaiya......

I and my friends went to see a movie recently, Laga Chunari me daag- the journey of a woman.
Well before you make faces and ask me what!! why that of all the movies!!..Let me make myself clear. Actually I intended to see Bhool bhulaiya (the reviews for which too
weren't very impressive either), but somehow fortunately or unfortunately all the shows were houseful that day. So we ended up seeing this. Time pass jo karna tha.

Anyways let me come to the point of discussion.

There is a song in that movie Hum to Aise he Bhaiya.

Now in that song there are a couple of lines which I felt were very nice when i first heard them.

ek gali me bham bham bole

duji gali me alaah miya

ek gali me gunje azaane

duji gali me bansi bajaiya.

Pretty neat i think.Made me think of all the hindu-muslim ties. The peace and harmony on one side and the riots on the other. Anyways what made these lines even more special is what happened when i reached home that day.

Picturise this.

I get down from an auto (driven by a muslim) and am entering my housing society.Now my housing society just like many other housing society's elsewhere which have a whole mixture of people of various religions.Nothing new.

But what I saw really touched me.

Navaratri had started. And so had EID.There was a mandap set up where the idol of the devi was housed in. And all around the mandap were decorations. Among them was this whole lining of small squared flags, green in color with a moon and a star in center. This lining was like the main part of the decorations for the mandap. There was also another thermocol structure shaped up to be a lil mosque of sorts right next to the first mandap with colorful decorations.

If you think that is communal harmony at its best, wait till you hear more.

There was this guy with a huge red tikka on his forehead wearing a gandhi topi standing on top of a ladder and helping to put up those green flags. There were kids near the mandap, some wearing the skeleton hat, the typical muslim attire and others dressed up for the dandiya looking at the huge idol of the devi with equal excitement. And everyone was playing dandiya. By everyone, I mean EVERYONE. Further ahead, there was a group of eldery people from both the communities watching the little kids enjoying themselves.

It was a really lovely site and those four lines were echoing in my head.

ek gali me bham bham bole

duji gali me alaah miya

ek gali me gunje azaane

duji gali me bansi bajaiya

If all can be so peaceful and harmonious then why did we have those riots where people were like slaughtering each other like hooligans.

Ever wondered that no one cares whether you are a hindu or a muslim when you are playing for your country. Talking about cricket, if Irfan Pathan takes a wicket or Yuvraj hits those sixes,
everyones happy. Everyone loves SRK and Hrithik alike. We have got so many festivals enjoyed and celebrated in full "dhoom dhadaka" by both sides. Then why the fights. Why the hell do we have all those riots, misunderstandings.

Here right before me was an India showing "unity in diversity". It was an India everyone wanted or should i say wants!! It was an India saying "Hum to aise he bhaiya".

Its just because of some God damned hard cored religious fundamentalists from both sects and the politicians that those fights take place. And i really hate such people.Whatever.

Anyways, hats off to the lyricist of those 4 lines. The movie however met my expectations, disappointing. ;-)

Cant think of anything more to write now.Hum to aise he bhaiya.

Cheers. while i hummmmmmm...

ek gali me bham bham bole...

duji gali me ....

THE PROPOSAL

There is something i wanted to say, for a long time now

Just didnt know what to say and didnt know how.

But I have to do it, I have to speak.

The heart is so full, it has to leak.

When i see your eyes the time just stops,

the words take gaurd, the heart beats hops

i know what i am feeling and i know its because of you.

i know what i want, all i want is you.

No matter where i look, no matter where i find.

There wont be anyone like you, you are always on my mind.

You bring joy to my heart, I've never felt before

With each passing day, I love you even more.

I can open my heart and show the love inside,

All i want is you, to be by my side.

You are the angel i was waiting for so long,

Now its only to you that I want to belong.

All i need is you, in my life forever

All i need is you, you are my treasure.

This treasure of love I cherish within my soul,

how much I love you, oh..you are my goal.

In your eyes I see our present, our future and past,

By the way you look at me I know we will last.

I hope that one day you'll come to realize,

How perfect you are when seen through my eyes.

All I ever want is to be part of your heart,

And for us to be together, to never be apart.

No one else in the world can even compare,

You're perfect and so would be the love that we would share.

I love the way you make me happy and the way you show you care,

I love the way you make me smile and way you are always there.

Listen to your heart, just like i am listening to mine.

Ask it the question and then wait for the answer divine.

You will come to know what you want to know.

You will know the path, the love will flow.

We share so much more than I ever thought we would,

I love you more than I ever thought I could.

Give me a chance to love you dear,

Peep in my heart, you are the only one here.

I promise to give you all I have to give,

I'll do anything for you as long as I live.

I will ask you the question every other time.

I wanna be with you, Will you be mine?

"God Must Have Spent A Little More Time On You"

Yeah....
Oh yes
Ohhh..yeah..
Can this be true?
Tell me, can this be real?
How can I put into words what I feel?
My life was complete
I thought I was whole
Why do I feel like I'm losing control?
I never thought that love could feel like this
and you've changed my world with just one kiss.
How can it be that right here with me
there's an angel?
It's a miracle...

Your love is like a river
Peaceful and deep
Your soul is like a secret
That I never could keep
When I look into your eyes
I know that it's true
God must have spent...
A little more time
On you...
(A little more time, yes he did baby)

In all of creation
All things great and small
You are the one that surpasses them all
More precious thanAny diamond or pearl
They broke the mold
When you came in this world
And I'm trying hard to figure out
Just how I ever did without
The warmth of your smile
The heart of a child
That's deep inside
Leaves me purified

Your love is like a river
Peaceful and deep (and deep)
Your soul is like a secret
That I never could keep
When I look into your eyes
I know that it's true
God must have spent...
A little more time
On you...

(on you, on you, on you, you....on you, on you, on you, you..) ohhh...(on you, on you, on you, you....on you, on you, on you, you..) yeah...

Never thought that love could feel like this
and you changed my world with just one kiss.
How can it be that right here with me
There's an angel?
It's a miracle...

Your love is like a river
Peaceful and deep (peaceful and deep)
Your soul is like a secret
That I never could keep
When I look into your eyesI
know that it's true
God must have spent...
A little more time

On you...(on you, on you, on you, you..)

God must have spent...A little more timeon you(on you, on you..you....you..oooh..yeah)A little more timeon you...ohhh

== > by N'SYNC

http://www.veoh.com/videos/v844444dnWhgPmt?searchId=4970048713638883178&rank=2


Dedicated to all the mothers in the world!!! ...

Love,
Sudz :-)

BIN BULAAYE

Bin bulaaye meri zindagi mein,
aise kyon aa gaye ho.
Tujh mein koi khaas baat bhi nahi,
Phir bhi aise kyon bhaa gaye ho.

Duniya meri wiraan to nahi thi,
Iss ko aa kar aise kyon sajaa gaye ho.
Khushi ka izhaar maine kiya hi nahi,
Ankhon mein dekh kar, Aise kyon muskuraa gaye ho.

Umeed nahi jiss sadaa ki mujhko,
Mujhe sadaa aisi kyon sunaa gaye ho.
Khilti bahaar mein khizaa ki umeed nahi,
Phir barsaat ki taraah aise kyon chaa gaye ho.

Hasil hai mujhko zamaane ki daulatein,
Mohabbat ki daulat aise kyon lutaa gaye go.
Na akelepan ki shiqayat, naa hi tanhai ka ilm,
Phir meri rooh mein aise kyon samaa gaye ho.

Jo kasme waade koi uthaata nahi hai,
Wohi kasme waade aise kyon nibhaa gaye ho.
Ankhkoo Main Saja Ke Chahaat Ke Sapne,
Ek Pal Main Unhe aise kyon Bikhra gaye ho.

Bin bulaaye meri zindagi mein,
Aise kyon aa gaye ho.

---anonymous

YAADEIN

chadte suraj ka humne salaam dekha,
khilte chand se roshan...shaam dekha,
lekin ab hai suraj...bhi dhalta hua,
ja raha he behta hua,
hum sabse yeh kehta hua,

ek nayi zindagi hogi kal,
yaad bahut ayenge...yeh haseen pal,
naye dost to hume...kal bhi bahut mil jayenge par,
ek doosre ko...hum kaise bhula payenge.

zindagi he...ret si fisalti hui..jiye ja rahi he...
kehna chahte..in labonko...kuch yu siye ja rahi he..
yadon ke kuch...aise manzar ban pade he
saath bitaye hue saare pal...saamne yu khade he
ki kehte hai humse...ye fir woh apni kahani dahoranyenge,
fir un hassin yadonko tazza kar jayenge

kal shaam fir haseen hogi,
kali ghata jab ambar pe chayegi yadon ke chheeton se
yahan ki baarish se hume bhigo jayegi

ankhon mein sapno ka samandar...liye jaana hai sahil ke us paar
lekin ankhe he num ek chuppi si chayee he
phir kahan se launga tumhe mere yaar
phir kahan se launga...tumhe mere yaar

dua he rab se meri...mere khaab bhi tumhe mil jaye
suno jab jab tum ise...to tumhari aankh bhi dab dabaye
dua he meri rab se...mere khaab bhi tumhe mil jaye
yaadon se buni muskaan...tumhare adheeron ko bhi sajaye
suno jab jab tum ise...toh tumhe bhi hamari yaad sataye
suno jab jab tum ise...toh tumhe bhi hamari yaad sataye

tumhe bhi hamari yaad sataye

to tumhari aankh bhi dab dabaye

to tumhari aankh bhi dab dabaye

Pyaar kiya he sirf tumse, karte hi rahenge...

Mujhe acha sa lagta tha, tumhare sang sang chalna.
tumhi ko dekhte rehna, tumhi ko sochte rahna.
khud apne dil ke dhadkan se, tumhari guftagoo karna.

Mujhe acha sa lagta tha, wafa ki aag main jalna,
woh kasmon ko khana, woh waadon ko nibhana,
tumhari be-rukhi per bhi, tumhari arzoo karna.

Mujhe acha sa lagta tha, tumhe khud ki maan lena
tumhiko hasana , tumhari baaton ko sun na.
tumhe naraz kar dena, fir tumhiko manana.

Mujhe acha sa lagta tha, tumhare khayalaon me khud ko bhul jana,
tumhari ek jhalak k liye har roz tadapna,
tumhare aane k pehle, tumhara intezaar karna.

Mujhe acha sa lagta tha, tumhe sapno me dekhna,
neend puri hone per bhi, aankhe band hi rakhna.
din raat tumhare liye khuda se duae maangna.

Mujhe acha sa lagta tha...
















Fir kyoun chod diya mujhe besahara akela,
waqt pe majboor , halaat ka maara.
zamana hasta he mujpe , bechara dil ka haara.
raah he nazar me, par saath jo nahi he tumhara.

armano ki duniya me, anmol se jo sapne the,
dil ke pehloo me, kuch kwaab jo apne the,
ek pal me mere hi saamne tune jo tod diye,
saare ghumo se humne ab rishte he jod diye.

Ab aansu nahi thamte, aankho ke pinjre me.
raat ki udaasi me, din ki tanhayee me.
dilaasa na do dosti ke bandhan ka tum mujhe,
gira diya he tune, khud ki nazron me jo mujhe.

sirf ek hi khwaaish he tumse, mana to na karogi.
woh haseen palon ko tum bhula to na dogi.
Bematlab ashaaye hum jalate hi rahenge,
Pyaar kiya he sirf tumse, karte hi rahenge.

karte hi rahenge....

Oh, where oh where can my baby be?

The Lord took her away from me

She's gone to heaven, so I got to be good

So I can see my baby when I leave this world.

We were out on a date in my daddy's car

We hadn't driven very far

There in the road, up straight ahead

A car was stalled, the engine was dead

I couldn't stop, so I swerved to the right

I'll never forget the sound that night

The screamin' tires, the bustin' glass

The painful scream that I heard last.

Oh, where oh where can my baby be?

The Lord took her away from me

She's gone to heaven, so I got to be good

So I can see my baby when I leave this world.

When I woke up, the rain was pourin' down

There were people standing all around

Something warm rollin' through my eyes

But somehow I found my baby that night

I lifted her head, she looked at me and said

"Hold me darling just a little while."

I held her close, I kissed her our last kiss

I found the love that I knew I would miss

But now she's gone, even though I hold her tight

I lost my love, my life that night.

Oh, where oh where can my baby be?

The Lord took her away from me

She's gone to heaven, so I got to be good

So I can see my baby when I leave this world.

Oooh~ ooooh~

--song by Pearl Jam titled --> THE LAST KISS

time pass shers

aansu sukh gaye he , gaalo pe nishan chhodkar
woh chalee gaye humse door, humare dil ko todkar
ab na koi ummed he baaki na koi tamanna mann me
jee rahe he hum apne tute hue dil ko jodkar,

unhone bahut sataya hume, hamari halat kharab ki
ab pyaas lagti he hume to poochte he hum, kahan he bottle woh sharab ki.

I dont want to miss a thing - AEROSMITH

I could stay awake just to hear you breathing
Watch you smile while you are sleeping
While youre far away dreaming
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender
I could stay lost in this moment forever
Every moment spent with you is a moment I treasure

Dont want to close my eyes
I dont want to fall asleep
Cause Id miss you baby
And I dont want to miss a thing
Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
Id still miss you baby
And I dont want to miss a thing

Lying close to you feeling your heart beating
And Im wondering what youre dreaming
Wondering if its me youre seeing
Then I kiss your eyes
And thank God were together
I just want to stay with you in this moment forever
Forever and ever

I dont want to miss one smile
I dont want to miss one kiss
I just want to be with you
Right here with you, just like this
I just want to hold you close
Feel your heart so close to mine
And just stay here in this moment
For all the rest of time

Dont want to close my eyes
I dont want to fall asleep
Cause Id miss you baby
And I dont want to miss a thing
Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
Id still miss you baby
And I dont want to miss a thing
Dont want to close my eyes
I dont want to fall asleep
I dont want to miss a thing

http://www.radioblogclub.com/open/90877/aerosmith/Aerosmith_-_I_Dont_Want_To_Miss_A_Thing

BEST FRIEND

I used to think that she loved me a lot. It was just that I had to propose.Even I used to love her too. Loved her a lot.
I loved it when She used to call me her BEST FRIEND, when She used to speak her heart out to me, when She used to tell everything that was on her mind to me, when She used to have those fights and the way she used to quarrel with me, when she used to chat with me, when she used to listen to my poems and then praise them, when she used to adore me, when she used to love me.

But I didnt know that she used to consider me as a BEST FRIEND only.


I felt a stab in the heart and enormous pain when she told me one day, "I have fallen in love with him......". But just as she expected, I made fun of her, laughed, joked, and brought
out that smile on her face. She was waiting for someone to listen to her. She didnt know what to say and what not to say. She was excited, she was happy, very happy. I had seldom seen her so happy.
I said," Good good, One girl seems to be very happy eh!
"She said,"Dont worry, you too will get someone pretty !".
My mind was crying yet my lips were smiling. I was trying really hard not to let her know my actual feelings. And I succeded, she didnt understand. She was in love and she couldnt see anything else.

I decided to keep my thoughts to myself and not to tell her.
Because she she used to consider me as a BEST FRIEND only.

She went and heart went numb. My mind was in deep thoughts, a whole lot of confusion. I started remembering all those days I had spent with her. I started to erase them from my mind, I tried really hard.
Whenever we met again, I used to tease her a lot. Whenever she had a fight or was in pain, or had her mind at unrest, she used to turn towards me. She used to look out for me. She needed me. She used to say "I want to meet you. I want to tell you so many things."But she never used to say when, what time , what place.

I never showed her the tears in my mind, in my eyes.
Because she used to consider me as a BEST FRIEND only.


I used to sulk, I used to cry. I used be lost within my loneliness. Whenever she used to talk to me, my eyes used to keep swallowing the tears. It was tough to act, it was tough to hide everything from her, Because she knew me very well. My heart was still with hers. My mind was still with hers.
She used to have fights with him and then she used to come to me and tell
me about them. I used to listen to her patiently and then say things that would make her feel better. And then she used to say. "Thank you. Now i feel better."

She felt that my presence was more important than my words though,
Because she used to consider me as a BEST FRIEND only.


Sometimes, she used to be this wild thing. She used to take anyones name and start teasing me with it. I used to fake the anger and act mad on her and make her smile by doing
so. I never let her know my pain and my sadness. Not a word did I speak, not a
word did i say.
She introduced me one day to him and my healings wounds once again opened up. She introduced me as a very good friend and showed him the book of poems i had gifted her once.Next day, he gifted her a poem written by him. Was he feeling insecure about her.

He didnt need to feel any such insecurity.
Because she used to consider me as a BEST FRIEND only.



She invited me for her wedding. On the card it was written ,"You must come. You must be there".My heart was shattered to a thousand pieces and i had no one else but me to gather them. I brought her a present, something which she liked. Made sure she was happy and I faked happiness outside.

I did all this and will do all this Because she used to consider me as a BEST FRIEND only.


After she got married, I made a promise."Will avoid meeting her and will keep a distance".I didnt want her to know how I feel, or how I have changed, Coz She was in love and she was not interested in knowing it.

I did all this and will do all this Because she used to consider me as a BEST FRIEND.


Years passed. She was busy with her family life and I had an excuse of my "busy life". I lived alone all my life. When she used to write letters, I started replying to them in one or two lines.

But even to those one or two lines, She kept on replying.
Because she used to consider me as a BEST FRIEND.


In her last days, I met her. She was dying. She was unable to speak much. She was crying. But still she said one sentence, " You showed true friendship till my very end."
I was crying. I couldnt wait more.

She said what she had to say.Because she used to consider me as a BEST FRIEND.


Now even my journey is coming to an end. Just a few more days to go i feel. A postman appeared at the gate one day and gave a parcel. A parcel for me, i wondered. I questioned.Was it something she left behind in her will for me?

Maybe yes, after all ,she used to consider me as a BEST FRIEND.


I opened it and it was a diary. Her diary. In that I found my lost time, my lost memories, my naughty tricks, my pranks, my laughter, my talks, my jokes, my tears, my secrets, my
meetings , my days , my friendship , my life.

And i felt, "Yes indeed, she used to consider me as a BEST FRIEND."


When I reached the last few pages of the diary, The tears that I had stopped in my eyes for so many years rolled out.

"I used to think he loves me very much and he was just waiting to propose to
me. Even i love him a lot. When I call him my BEST FRIEND, he smiles. He tells his secrets to me. He listens to me. He fights with me. He reads his poems to me and then looks at me. I can see the gleam in his eyes. His eyes cant hide.

I know he loves me.
I think he loves me.
Does he really love me?"

I felt I was reading my lines, my mind in her diary. I felt I was dead, even before I could die.
Why did Destiny play such a cruel game with me?
Why did it let me know all this when my life is now ending?

Was it that Destiny wanted me to know the truth.

Was it that Destiny wanted me to know that she used to consider me as her TRUE LOVE .

some crap

Why is it so tough to tell the one you love that you do so.
Is it the fear of rejection. Yes guess it is.
Is it the thinking of what the other person may say or do.
Is it the thinking of how the other person may react.

Hmm.. Maybe.

It gets more tough when the other person is your close friend.
You dont want to loose the friendship but also dont want to sacrifice the love .
You are confused. So what do you do.?
Should you tell or not? Well you may end up spoiling the friendship but hey if the friendship is indeed a strong one, there would be no problem.

Sometimes, it is very difficult to understand what the other person is thinking about you.
You may tend to think that the person is having the same feelings as you are, but that may not be the case. So again you think whether to tell or not. Again you think why is love so complicated.

You may talk to all the other people normally but when that one person comes in front of you, your heart stops or misses a beat or it starts beating faster and slower at the same time.
The words just dont come out. You want to say so many things. You want to talk about so many things. But you just cant.

PS: will keep updating this one..with more crap as and when it comes to my mind :)

Contd:

You think of calling the person, talking to the person. But somehow the u are scared to dial the number. You feel, you wonder, you think what to say. You think the topics wont come out.
You know you love the person very much and would love to spend the rest of your life with the person, but what is that thing which scares you. You dont know.

But there is nothing anyone else can do about it. Its upto you and you alone to make it work. Its upto you to overcome the fear and tread the path ahead. And mind you the person on the other side may also be waiting for you to take the initiative. Sometimes the person on the other side dosent want to show that he/she can be easily achievable. Hence they ignore you. Maybe they ignore you because they dont like you. But hey you need to think positive. There is no harm in trying. There is a saying, "So often you loose someone by saying I LOVE YOU. But most often you loose someone by fearing to say so." This is the logic everyone shoould understand.

To be contd. :-)

Cheat and love but dont love and cheat,

Think and love but dont love and think..

Break the heart and love

but don't love and break the heart

Dont ever leave the one u love for the one u like,

because the one u like will leave u for the one they love.

BOL DE JO BHI HE

John: whats wrong mate?
Anil: NO nothing.
John: Cmon i can see it in your eyes. Temme whats bothering you.
Anil: There is this girl.
J: AHA, now u r talking.
A: I love her yaar.
J: Dude, you sure its love. Or is it just one of those many ...
A: NO man, this time i think its serious.
J: U "think"....
A: i mean , i know.
J: What makes you say that.
A: Well, firstly everytime i see her my heart starts beating faster.
J: Go see a cardiologist.
A: Everytime she comes in front of me my brain stops thinking,my body goes numb.
J: Well got to a neurologist.
A: DUDE...BE SERIOUS.
J: HAHA, OK sorry sorry. Go on.
A: See i can speak freely with all the other girls but with her, something happens. Words just dont flow out.
J: Hmmm..then my friend i guess u r indeed in love.
A: Hmm.
J: since how long have u been seeing her, i mean knowing her.
A: About 2 months now.
J: Thats more than enough time. Well if you love her, tell her. Time waits for no man. Jo dil me he bol daalo.
A: Hope it was that easy.
J: It is man. Look at me. I have told each and every girl i had feelings for. No matter what the result.
A: Ya right thats why you are still single.
J: Dude, i dont regret being single. I am happy that i was once in love. For me that is what counts. I will always cherish those moments and will pray for all the girls i have loved to be happy. They will always remain special.
A: You are different man.
J: See, its not about me being different or not being different. Its just that if you like someone tell them. There is a saying, " Always tell the one you love that you do so, if you do they might break your heart. But if you dont you might break theirs.
A: Hmmm.
J: What hmmm. So when are you telling.
A: Its too early man. We are just getting to know each other. Dont want to loose a friend.
J: Dude, listen to me. I had read a line once. "With people you know friendship easily blends, but to the one you love, its tough to call her your friend."
A: Where the hell, do u get all these lines from? Anyways it was a good one.
J: See, now you are talking.
A: Well i dont know how she feels about me.
J: Dude all that i am saying is tell her you like her. You are not proposing or something. Just telling her your feelings. Just tell her, "I like you." Or " I think i am beginning to like you". You know something like that. Not being to pushy and yet making her aware of the situation.
A: Hmmm
J: And continue to be friends, and let that flower of friendship bossom into love. I had read somewhere, " friendship and love are like two hands of a clock, Sometimes it is the time itself they block, They may meet at one point and depart at the other, but the fact that they stay connected is all that matters. Friendship is that brick to build the wall of love."
Friendship and love gotta go hand in hand. One cannot survive without the other.
A: Know what, i have no idea from where you get all this stuff but it sure sounds good.

J: haha, Tell her soon and lemme know how she reacts.
A: Sure. Here goes nothing.

Hey peoples,

Chk this ad out.

http://www.epica-awards.org/assets/epica/2004/winners/film/flv/11071.htm

Lovely.

LET GO

"Hey Zayed, Meet me at the 'bench' at 5:00 pm", Karan smsed me. An sms without his smiley!! Karan misses the usual smiley when something was wrong, dead wrong.

The 'bench' he was talking about was the one in our common society garden. The good thing about it was it was in one of the corners, isolated from the children who were quite noisy at that time of the evening and also from the prying eyes of the elderly who used to come for their evening strolls and gossip.I and Karan have had many a secret discussions there right from our
school days.

I reached there on time. Was surprised to see Karan there before
me. This was probably the first time it had happened.

"Hey buddy wassup", I asked.

He was silent.

"Now are you or are you not going to talk."

He was silent. His face didnt seem too happy.

"Cmon temme whats bothering you."

After 5 minutes of coaxing he finally opened up.

"Remember the girl I had told you about long time back....Sneha", he
said pausing.

"Go on...i am listening".

"She is getting married",he said with a tear drop in the eye.

"Oh!", I said putting a hand on his shoulder.

"I dont know why I am feeling sad. I mean this was the girl I had a crush on intially, which later developed into love. I mean there was this "something" about her, I think it was her eyes, her eyes were so beautiful. But she was a good person, a good human being. I had imagined so much. I wanted to marry her. I will remember all those moments I spent 'with' her and also those 'without' her. Those days of talking to her, those nights of thinking about her, those days of
writing about her, those days of gazing at her, those days of...., I remember how I used to think everyday how to tell her, how to open my heart out to her. But somehow I couldnt gather the strength, the courage. I was such a coward."

He spoke all this without taking a breather. It was as if he was waiting. Waiting to explode out his feelings. Waiting for someone to listen to.

I saw another tear coming out from his eye.

I was quiet.

He was quiet.

"Know what Zayed, I had infact told her once. Had told her that I like her. She had smiled. She had shyed. I thought that was it. That was the end of my search for love and a beginning of something new, something wonderful. But she didnt say a word. I saw acceptance in
her silence."

The tears had started flowing at a steady rate now. I couldnt do anything. I was patiently listening.There was silence, a temporary one.

"I saw acceptance in her silence.", he repeated. "I saw acceptance in her eyes. But I guess I was wrong"

He kept quite again. This time the silence was longer.

"What happened? Did she..." I stopped.

"NO she didnt refuse as such but she didnt accept as well", he continued.
"I mean I had never actually proposed as such. I had just told her my feelings.She just said that she likes me too but as a friend. I remember I had cried a lot that day. But somehow I was tough, I know that you cant go and do anything against destiny. DESTINY. I surrendered to destiny. So soon after I forgot about her. We kept in touch as friends though. But I stopped thinking about her. That makes me wonder yaar, was it really love. Coz if it was then I would have been really really heart broken and may have got into depression, but I didnt. Or was it that I was too strong, my heart was too strong to break, my mind was too strong to keep thinking about her."

He was speaking more freely now. He wiped the tears with his fingers, sat up straight and looked at me.

"You know what Zayed, I think I didnt try hard enough. I mean I guess I was being too pushy on her. I mean if i really loved her, I should not have let go easily. I should have chased her, forced her, convinced her that I was the right man for her. I should have won
her over. I should have allowed her to fall in love with me. I guess I didnt try hard enough. Who knows she might have been with me here today at this very moment. I agree that destiny rules and you cant go against whats written for you. but you can give it a try."

I smiled.

He smiled.

"Ya, I know that I am kind of opposing my own statement but hey I should have tried. Guess its me myself I have to blame.But know what Zayed, I am happy for her. I will pray for her. I wish her to have a good married life ahead. And know what dude, I even told her all this when she told me today she was getting married."

He was smiling now. What a turnover. He came to me with so much of sadness in his heart
but guess those tears brought all that out from his heart. Its good to cry sometimes I guess. And look at him now, he was joyful.

"Know what Zayed, Sometimes I feel that in love its better to let go. If you feel the other person would be happy if you let go, you should. Love isnt all about the results. Love isnt all about feeling glad in finally getting the one you want. Sometimes the path to it is also joyous. Those moments I have spent with her will always be special. She herself will always be special. And I will be happy and proud to say that I was in love once."

"True",I said. "Thats like my buddy"

"Thanks man for hearing me out."

"Anytime buddy", I said. Happy to see him happy.

We got up and started to leave. It was getting dark.

"By the way what happened to your 'destiny's child' ", Karan asked winking.

"Well, work is in progress" , I replied, both bursting out in laughter.

DEVOTION...My heart is beating with hers

Hey folks....


here are the lyircs of a song a friend of mine forwarded to me long time back........a group called DEVOTION




(spoken)


Dear god,I know that she's out there...
the one I'm suppose to share my whole life with.
And in time...you'll show her to me.
Will you take care of her, comfort her, and protect her...until that day we meet.
And let her know...my heart...is beating with hers.

=======


In a dream I hold you close, embracing you with my hands
You gazed at me with eyes full of love and made me understand
That I was meant to share it with you My heart my mind my soul
Then I open my eyes And all what I see reality shows I'm alone
But I know someday that you'll be by my side
Coz I know God's just waiting till the time is right


God will you keep her safe from the thunderstorm
When the day is cold will you keep her warm
When the darkness falls will you please shine her the way
God will you let her know that I love her
So when theres no one there that she's not alone
Just close her eyes and let her know
My heart is beating with hers............My heart is beating with hers...


So I prayed until that day (prayed until that day)
When our hearts will beat as one (when our hearts hearts will beat as one)
I will wait so patiently (patiently)
For that day to come (for that day to come)
I know someday that you'll be by my side


Coz I know God's just waiting till the time is right
God will you keep her safe from the thunderstorm
When the day is cold will you keep her warm
When the darkness falls will you please shine her the way (shine her the way)
God will you let her know that I love her
So when theres no one there that she's not alone

Just close her eyes and let her know
My heart is beating with hers


Is beating with hers (ooo)My heart is beating with hers (oooo)It's beating with hers



Dear God, Just let her know.

Q&A
<<<--------->>>

This is not a poem, this is not a song.
These are words from my heart, to me they belong.
There are times when everything you do goes right,
There are others when everything just goes wrong.

The ups and downs in life we do face,
But there are some things so hard to replace.
Seasons may come, seasons may go
People you love are so hard to let go.

Life is a gamble, life is a game,
You win or loose, you have no one to blame.
Sometimes it puts you in such a position,
To choose between friendship and love , oh what a situation.

I fell in love with my friend’s love one fine day,
Can I do this, is this okay.
I didn’t have an answer, didn’t have a clue,
I needed to find one soon, better for me and you.

That night a fairy came in my dream,
Told her about the position I was in.
She gave me the answer I wanted to hear,
Felt relieved, had lost all fear.

It was an answer everyone should know
Should I tell you all, maybe yes, maybe no.
I can feel your excitement increasing slowly
But the answer is like that, so divine…. so holy.

She said,Life’s like a book, with pages all clear
Its upto us to fill them with things that are dear.
Never sacrifice your love, you should be bold.
Time is the healer, just wait for things to unfold.

You may get what you want or you may not
Life’s like that sometimes cold, sometimes hot.
To have done, what you did is not a crime
Life’s like that so very sublime.

Friendship and love are like two hands of a clock
Sometimes it’s the time itself they block
They may meet at one point and depart at another
The fact that they stay connected is really what matters.

So just go with the flow, don’t really bother
Keep loving yourself and also each other
That’s all she said to me
Believe in GOD & the rest HE will see.

GOODNESS

It was raining heavily that night. Driving along the ghats, only one thought was on his mind: why, oh why did this happen to him? When everything seemed to be going right, he had lost his job. So what if he was earning a paltry Rs.4000 a month as a mechanic.
Here he was, driving home, where his wife would be waiting for him. At least for the time being she would be the sole earning member for the family. The financial situation in the house was not good. He needed to find a job, and fast.

It was pitch dark outside. Not a soul was to be seen. Rajiv looked at his watch: It was well past midnight. Taking one of the curves down the ghat, he noticed a light blinking at the side of the road, dimmed by the heavy rain. As he drove closer, he could see it was a car. He also saw a figure near it. As he drove past it, he noticed an old man under an umbrella, trembling slightly.

He was well-groomed; he surely looked like a saheb.

Rajiv knew something was wrong. He stopped the car, got out and started walking towards the man. The man had a strange kind of fear on his face. He was probably alarmed by the fact that somebody had actually stopped. "Hello. I am Rajiv. You seem to have a problem, sir", said Rajiv. The man did not reply. "You need not worry sir, I am here to help." The man's face showed some relief. "I’ve got a flat tyre, son." Without wasting any time Rajiv removed the jack from his car and got down to business. "So, what do you do Rajiv?" Rajiv smiled. "I am looking for a job, sir". The man did not probe further.
"What about you, sir? May I ask where you are going all alone?"
"Oh, my daughter is expecting. I was going to meet her."

After sometime, "There, that’s done."
"Thanks for stopping, son," said the man. "My pleasure, pop." Rajiv noticed the man reaching for his wallet. "Here, take this." Rajiv needed the money badly. It’s not often that a man offers a huge sum of money just for changing a tyre. This guy had to be filthy rich. "Don't know how long I would have had to wait here if you hadn’t come along. Consider this as a token of my appreciation."
Rajiv looked at the man and then the money, and then said, "Hey pop, helping you was my duty. I don't want the money. But, if you do want to thank me, then help the next person you come across who may be need. Do good to others and it comes back to you: that’s what I believe in." Saying this, Rajiv left.
The man just stood there thinking about what had happened as he saw Rajiv and his car disappear around the curve.

He started his own car. The rain seemed to have stopped. He was hungry now. He could see a hotel in the distance. "Just in time," he thought. He parked his car and went inside.
As he entered, he noticed something he had never seen before. There was a woman at the cash counter. Not only that, he could see ladies serving water as well as food. An all- woman hotel! Now that was a first. There were hardly six people including him. He found himself a nice cozy seat by the window. He had never felt so good. It was warm and comfortable here. He was looking at the menu when a voice asked, "What would you like to have, sir?" He looked up and saw a lady with pen and paper in her hand. He noticed that she was pregnant, seemed tired, yet had a warm smile. "Pakodas and tea, please." She went away to the kitchen.

After about five minutes, a plate of hot pakodas and steaming hot tea was on his table. While munching the pakodas, he asked her "You know, my daughter’s expecting too. She is in her seventh. What about you, my child?" "Eighth, sir," she replied. "Why are you working so late? You should stay at home and take rest, dear." She smiled and said," Well, I need the money for the baby, sir," and went to the next table to take the order.

He thought about his daughter and then he remembered what Rajiv had said earlier. "Anything else, sir?" the waitress’ voice interrupted his thoughts. "No, just get the bill." She came back with a bill of Rs.33. He gave her a Rs.50 note. She went to the cashier. The old man took the tissue, scribbled something on it and then left hurriedly. She came back to give the change only to find the tissue, and the old man gone. She picked it up. "My dear child, sometime back I was helped by a person. He did not accept any money. What he said was to help the next person I felt was in need. So, here is a small gift from me. Please do accept it, and remember do good to others, and the good comes back to you." Along with the tissue was a cheque for Rs.50,000.
She smiled, finding it hard to believe what had happened. After sometime she left for home.
Climbing onto the bed, she saw her husband lying with a worried look on his face. She kissed his forehead gently. "Everything is going to be alright, Rajiv."

That’s the way life is!

I woke up to the morning rain
Opened the window & saw her again.
She was looking just like an angel.
I fell in love with her yet again.

I wanted to tell her, to speak my heart out.
I was deciding whether to call her or whether to shout.
Not today I thought and I had to stop.
Will wait for the right time…..a moment to pop.

Months passed and even the years
I had still not become hers.
I had to tell her today no matter what
I went to her home without giving much thought.

“Why is there such a crowd outside”
I enquired with the man by the roadside.
“Its their daughter, she is no longer more
At night , it was her heart that tore”….

I felt my heart miss a beat
I sank down, fell to my feet
I cried and cried till my tear buds dried
“Why did u do this GOD”, I sighed.

Then I heard a voice from the heavens above
“It your own fault, you let the opportunity go.
I gave you a chance for your own benefit
Now it is me you blame for it.”

I argued back saying that isn’t so
How much I loved her…she had to know.
Maybe I couldn’t be hers, she couldn’t be mine
But she had to know ..then it would have been fine.

“She knew it”..he said.. “all time long”.
“It was to you only she wanted to belong.
She waited and waited just like you.
She loved you and thought of you too.

But I had to take her, she had to leave.
Don’t worry my child, its me you have to believe.

I gave you life, this one chance,
It was you who failed to enhance,
Never an opportunity you should miss
Coz…that’s the way life is.

the "Quarter-Life Crisis

It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now. You start realizing that people are selfish and that maybe true.
Those friends that you thought were so close to you aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you don't recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren't really cold, catty, mean, or insincere but that they are as confused as you are.
You look at your job...and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing. Or maybe you are looking for a job and realize that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that really scares you.

Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn't. One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure.

You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.

You get your heart broken easily and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. Or you lie in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you know that you aren't a badperson.

One-night-stands and random hookups start to look cheap. Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic. You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision.

You worry about loans, money, and the future and making a life for yourself...and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender! What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.