"Hey Zayed, Meet me at the 'bench' at 5:00 pm", Karan smsed me. An sms without his smiley!! Karan misses the usual smiley when something was wrong, dead wrong.
The 'bench' he was talking about was the one in our common society garden. The good thing about it was it was in one of the corners, isolated from the children who were quite noisy at that time of the evening and also from the prying eyes of the elderly who used to come for their evening strolls and gossip.I and Karan have had many a secret discussions there right from our
school days.
I reached there on time. Was surprised to see Karan there before
me. This was probably the first time it had happened.
"Hey buddy wassup", I asked.
He was silent.
"Now are you or are you not going to talk."
He was silent. His face didnt seem too happy.
"Cmon temme whats bothering you."
After 5 minutes of coaxing he finally opened up.
"Remember the girl I had told you about long time back....Sneha", he
said pausing.
"Go on...i am listening".
"She is getting married",he said with a tear drop in the eye.
"Oh!", I said putting a hand on his shoulder.
"I dont know why I am feeling sad. I mean this was the girl I had a crush on intially, which later developed into love. I mean there was this "something" about her, I think it was her eyes, her eyes were so beautiful. But she was a good person, a good human being. I had imagined so much. I wanted to marry her. I will remember all those moments I spent 'with' her and also those 'without' her. Those days of talking to her, those nights of thinking about her, those days of
writing about her, those days of gazing at her, those days of...., I remember how I used to think everyday how to tell her, how to open my heart out to her. But somehow I couldnt gather the strength, the courage. I was such a coward."
He spoke all this without taking a breather. It was as if he was waiting. Waiting to explode out his feelings. Waiting for someone to listen to.
I saw another tear coming out from his eye.
I was quiet.
He was quiet.
"Know what Zayed, I had infact told her once. Had told her that I like her. She had smiled. She had shyed. I thought that was it. That was the end of my search for love and a beginning of something new, something wonderful. But she didnt say a word. I saw acceptance in
her silence."
The tears had started flowing at a steady rate now. I couldnt do anything. I was patiently listening.There was silence, a temporary one.
"I saw acceptance in her silence.", he repeated. "I saw acceptance in her eyes. But I guess I was wrong"
He kept quite again. This time the silence was longer.
"What happened? Did she..." I stopped.
"NO she didnt refuse as such but she didnt accept as well", he continued.
"I mean I had never actually proposed as such. I had just told her my feelings.She just said that she likes me too but as a friend. I remember I had cried a lot that day. But somehow I was tough, I know that you cant go and do anything against destiny. DESTINY. I surrendered to destiny. So soon after I forgot about her. We kept in touch as friends though. But I stopped thinking about her. That makes me wonder yaar, was it really love. Coz if it was then I would have been really really heart broken and may have got into depression, but I didnt. Or was it that I was too strong, my heart was too strong to break, my mind was too strong to keep thinking about her."
He was speaking more freely now. He wiped the tears with his fingers, sat up straight and looked at me.
"You know what Zayed, I think I didnt try hard enough. I mean I guess I was being too pushy on her. I mean if i really loved her, I should not have let go easily. I should have chased her, forced her, convinced her that I was the right man for her. I should have won
her over. I should have allowed her to fall in love with me. I guess I didnt try hard enough. Who knows she might have been with me here today at this very moment. I agree that destiny rules and you cant go against whats written for you. but you can give it a try."
I smiled.
He smiled.
"Ya, I know that I am kind of opposing my own statement but hey I should have tried. Guess its me myself I have to blame.But know what Zayed, I am happy for her. I will pray for her. I wish her to have a good married life ahead. And know what dude, I even told her all this when she told me today she was getting married."
He was smiling now. What a turnover. He came to me with so much of sadness in his heart
but guess those tears brought all that out from his heart. Its good to cry sometimes I guess. And look at him now, he was joyful.
"Know what Zayed, Sometimes I feel that in love its better to let go. If you feel the other person would be happy if you let go, you should. Love isnt all about the results. Love isnt all about feeling glad in finally getting the one you want. Sometimes the path to it is also joyous. Those moments I have spent with her will always be special. She herself will always be special. And I will be happy and proud to say that I was in love once."
"True",I said. "Thats like my buddy"
"Thanks man for hearing me out."
"Anytime buddy", I said. Happy to see him happy.
We got up and started to leave. It was getting dark.
"By the way what happened to your 'destiny's child' ", Karan asked winking.
"Well, work is in progress" , I replied, both bursting out in laughter.
The 'bench' he was talking about was the one in our common society garden. The good thing about it was it was in one of the corners, isolated from the children who were quite noisy at that time of the evening and also from the prying eyes of the elderly who used to come for their evening strolls and gossip.I and Karan have had many a secret discussions there right from our
school days.
I reached there on time. Was surprised to see Karan there before
me. This was probably the first time it had happened.
"Hey buddy wassup", I asked.
He was silent.
"Now are you or are you not going to talk."
He was silent. His face didnt seem too happy.
"Cmon temme whats bothering you."
After 5 minutes of coaxing he finally opened up.
"Remember the girl I had told you about long time back....Sneha", he
said pausing.
"Go on...i am listening".
"She is getting married",he said with a tear drop in the eye.
"Oh!", I said putting a hand on his shoulder.
"I dont know why I am feeling sad. I mean this was the girl I had a crush on intially, which later developed into love. I mean there was this "something" about her, I think it was her eyes, her eyes were so beautiful. But she was a good person, a good human being. I had imagined so much. I wanted to marry her. I will remember all those moments I spent 'with' her and also those 'without' her. Those days of talking to her, those nights of thinking about her, those days of
writing about her, those days of gazing at her, those days of...., I remember how I used to think everyday how to tell her, how to open my heart out to her. But somehow I couldnt gather the strength, the courage. I was such a coward."
He spoke all this without taking a breather. It was as if he was waiting. Waiting to explode out his feelings. Waiting for someone to listen to.
I saw another tear coming out from his eye.
I was quiet.
He was quiet.
"Know what Zayed, I had infact told her once. Had told her that I like her. She had smiled. She had shyed. I thought that was it. That was the end of my search for love and a beginning of something new, something wonderful. But she didnt say a word. I saw acceptance in
her silence."
The tears had started flowing at a steady rate now. I couldnt do anything. I was patiently listening.There was silence, a temporary one.
"I saw acceptance in her silence.", he repeated. "I saw acceptance in her eyes. But I guess I was wrong"
He kept quite again. This time the silence was longer.
"What happened? Did she..." I stopped.
"NO she didnt refuse as such but she didnt accept as well", he continued.
"I mean I had never actually proposed as such. I had just told her my feelings.She just said that she likes me too but as a friend. I remember I had cried a lot that day. But somehow I was tough, I know that you cant go and do anything against destiny. DESTINY. I surrendered to destiny. So soon after I forgot about her. We kept in touch as friends though. But I stopped thinking about her. That makes me wonder yaar, was it really love. Coz if it was then I would have been really really heart broken and may have got into depression, but I didnt. Or was it that I was too strong, my heart was too strong to break, my mind was too strong to keep thinking about her."
He was speaking more freely now. He wiped the tears with his fingers, sat up straight and looked at me.
"You know what Zayed, I think I didnt try hard enough. I mean I guess I was being too pushy on her. I mean if i really loved her, I should not have let go easily. I should have chased her, forced her, convinced her that I was the right man for her. I should have won
her over. I should have allowed her to fall in love with me. I guess I didnt try hard enough. Who knows she might have been with me here today at this very moment. I agree that destiny rules and you cant go against whats written for you. but you can give it a try."
I smiled.
He smiled.
"Ya, I know that I am kind of opposing my own statement but hey I should have tried. Guess its me myself I have to blame.But know what Zayed, I am happy for her. I will pray for her. I wish her to have a good married life ahead. And know what dude, I even told her all this when she told me today she was getting married."
He was smiling now. What a turnover. He came to me with so much of sadness in his heart
but guess those tears brought all that out from his heart. Its good to cry sometimes I guess. And look at him now, he was joyful.
"Know what Zayed, Sometimes I feel that in love its better to let go. If you feel the other person would be happy if you let go, you should. Love isnt all about the results. Love isnt all about feeling glad in finally getting the one you want. Sometimes the path to it is also joyous. Those moments I have spent with her will always be special. She herself will always be special. And I will be happy and proud to say that I was in love once."
"True",I said. "Thats like my buddy"
"Thanks man for hearing me out."
"Anytime buddy", I said. Happy to see him happy.
We got up and started to leave. It was getting dark.
"By the way what happened to your 'destiny's child' ", Karan asked winking.
"Well, work is in progress" , I replied, both bursting out in laughter.
1 comment:
An interesting chapter...that unveils the subtle emotions for 'lost love' so well.
First half of it describes a given up character, crestfallen into the grief of loosing his heart.
Second half speaks about the true expression of love!!
This conversation is really very amazing...bcoz it speaks blunt truth.
Love is not only about understanding that your heart beats for the person; but also how it learns to accept everything that your love likes...even if it is immortal seperation.
This small dialogue really reiterates the PASSION OF LOVE and that LOVE is never LOST.
Good one Sudz...may u get your REAL LOVE very soon....and may YOUR REAL LOVE realize the GEM in you soon..!!
God Bless You.!!
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