The setting sun...

He stands staring as the sun goes down
thinking about the time long gone by
the moments the memories and every other thing
he closes his eyes and breathes with a sigh

He was alone, oh lonely he was
crying in pain he spent many a night
all he wanted was someone to listen
someone to get along with, someone to fight

Like the light at the end of the tunnel
a ray of hope, he sensed someone nearby
it was her, who would hold his hand steady 

never let go even if it was his time to die

Like a breeze from the ocean she had come
sweeping his mind of the problems deep in
his heart's closed book suddenly felt open
as he read to her all the pages within

He felt happy, he suddenly felt connected
with his heart beat skipping really fast
he also felt scared, and a little worried
wondering how long it was going to last

Unsure of the outcome, he chose to tread
the path full of surprises that lay ahead
it was fun mostly, at times really wild
he held on to her like destiny's child.

Days passed in a jiffy, months became years
she had become his world, a beautiful bond
go with the flow, live in the moment
she kept saying, as he grew of her, more fond

From dusk to dawn, along with rest of the day
without each other they really could not stay
always wondering how it would feel to depart
he didnt realise when she had entered his heart

As expected fate showed its ugly face one day
times of separation and pain were on the way
we need to be strong, please dont leave
he begged to her, asked her not to give in

The fights and misunderstandings were on the rise
truth took a back seat, he visualised the lies
the world around him had began to crumble
thoughts inside his head were all so jumbled

He was missing her badly, scared of separation
he cried in pain through the times of desperation
he felt his hand now slowly loosing her grip
the more he tried to hold on, the more away it slip

He stands staring as the sun goes down
wishes to hold on to that vision before its gone
thinking about the day that had already past
worried about the darkness, a shadow it would cast

He hopes the day that follows is just as bright
with memories as wings, dreams are put into flight
moments cherished forever would serve as a guide
till death do they part, our souls will be tied

Forever and ever ... - Part 1

Atif woke up with a blank mind. Feeling absolutely nothing. It was as if some switch inside him had been turned off forever. He could not feel his own heartbeat anymore. He was alive but was not living. He had become emotionless as if something inside him was dead forever. This was happening for past many days now and he wondered why.

However, today was the day when it was all going to end. Or so he hoped. He was confused whether to go ahead with it or not. Just when he was deciding what to do, his phone rang.

"Hey buddy, you are coming for Jasmine's wedding right?", Neil asked.
Atif was quiet. He was still not believing he was even thinking of going.
"Hey Atif. You there?", Neil asked again.
"Yes", he replied after taking a deep breath.
"Great! See you there", Neil said cutting the call.

Neil was his office colleague and Jasmine's cousin brother. And thats how Atif had come to know about Jasmine in the first place. But Neil didn't know that Atif was madly in love with Jasmine.
Some people might call it crazy. Atif hardly felt that craziness for any other girl before. Hours spent together would fly away in a flash when he was with her. She was the only one with whom Atif could be himself and not had to pretend to be someone else. And today was her wedding.

Atif was in the shower few minutes later trying to understand what was happening. He closed his eyes and got lost in thoughts.

                                                           - - -***- - -
"Love you .. Love you .. Love you Atif", Jasmine said kissing him wildly everywhere on his face.
"Baaaaaaaaaap re .. Whats happened to you tonight", Atif replied smiling.
"Nothing. Just feeling happy being there with you right now at this moment.", she replied planting one more kiss on his lips.
"Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm", Atif replied looking into her eyes.
"Thank you", she said after staring back for a few minutes of silence.
"Why?", he enquired.
"For coming in my life. For making me feel happy again. Making me feel alive again. For bringing that smile back on my face. For teaching me what love is. For..."
"Bas Bas Bas.. ", Atif interupted her laughing. "You are welcome", he replied winking.
Jasmine cuddled into his chest dozing off for some time.

Upon hearing his hearbeat, she said smiling , "Dhak Dhak Dhak".
Atif eyes getting moist.
"Thank you too. For making my heart beat again.", he said.
"You are welcome", she replied winking back at him.
"Love you so much baby. Wish time stopped right here right now. Just you and me and NOW. This present. This moment.", he continued squeezing her in his arms
never to let go.
"Hmm.. ", she replied sleeping on top of him. After a few minutes she spoke again.
"Lets do one thing. Lets make up a code. Instead of saying I love you to each other. Lets say for example. J4A. Jasmine Love Atif and you can say A4J Atif Love Jasmine."
"What nonsense ! .. Cant we just say the three magical words. They sound so much better.", Atif replied winking.
"Yes I know, but just imagine we are in a crowded place or with friends or relatives or anywhere outside and we say these code words. Only you and me can understand the meaning.... the rest of the world will be confused trying to decipher it.", Jasmine smiled.
"hmmm..interesting, But shouldnt it be Atif loves jasmine and not Atif Love jasmine. Your english sucks.", Atif replied trying to pull her leg.
"Oye.. nothing like that. OK fine the Numeric 4 is not for love, its for - FOR".", Jasmine replied feeling confident again.
"Okayyy... thats better. So Jasmine FOR Atif and Atif FOR Jasmine", Atif replied smiling.
"Forever and ever and ever and ever ", Jasmine replied before kissing him again.
                                                           - - - ***- - -

Atif opened his eyes. Tears escaped from his eyes as the water from the shower washed them away. He dressed up, got ready, and minutes later got into his car and started driving. The past year had been very emotionally tiring for Atif. Seeing someone you love so much going to end up being with someone else right in front of your eyes and not being able to do anything about it is really painful.
Jasmine and Atif were in a relationship too long, even though they knew it was never going to work out. But still the very happiness they got from just being with each other made them stay together. But as they say all things come to an end and so did their relationship. It was painful for Atif, each and every day felt like a curse. He thought to end his life many times, made attempts too but failed. Each and every day thinking about that one person who was never going to be his. 

And today he was driving hoping that today he would be able to say the final goodbye and move on with his life. But then again he was not sure if this was going to work. But he had to try. He had to take this test to become stronger from inside. Or so he felt. As he was driving to the venue, he came across a red signal and he got lost in thoughts again.

                                                           - - -***- - -
"why are you doing this? It hurts.", Atif said crying in front of Jasmine begging her not to leave.
"I have to. Please understand. This is how it was always going to end.", Jasmine tried explaining.
"No, this is not how it was going to end. This is not how it should end. Please. I beg you. Lets do something different. Lets be brave. Lets fight this world together. As long as we are together we can be happy. You and me against the world baby. A4J and J4A baby", Atif said wiping his own tears.

Jasmine was feeling helpless. She was so tired fighting for love. There comes a point in ones life where you just have nothing but a dead block ahead and you know that that is the only place where you would be heading and that there is no escape and that its 
useless to try to do anything else but to accept the fate and surrender to destiny. Jasmise had reached that point.

"Please try to understand Atif. I need your permission to go ahead. I love you but I really cannot marry you. You need to understand. I need you to let me go. I need you to understand why I am doing this. I will always love you somewhere deep inside my heart for the rest of my life. Remember that. Please Atif. Please." Jasmine said folding her hands and falling on his chest.

Atif went silent. He moved the hair on her face away and planted a kiss on her forehead.
                                                                                                                                                 "Everything is going to be allright baby. A4J", he said hugging her.
                                                           - - -***- - -

Atif suddenly came back to his senses, hearing the horn of the truck right behind him. He was almost near the marriage venue. His heart was beating so fast it felt it would pop up right out of his chest. He got down from his car, starting walking towards the church. There were some guests waiting outside waving at him.

"Hey Atif, you showed up. Great. We thought you wouldn't..", one friend said before the other nudged him with the elbow asking him to stop.
Atif smiled and said,"Come on guys. Jasmine is a very close friend of mine. I couldn't miss this wedding for anything else." He replied with a fake smile.

As he moved inside the church, he saw lots of familiar and many unfamiliar faces around him. Recognizing Neil, he went over and sat next to him. A few words of catching up were followed by introductions to some relatives and other guests present at the wedding.

"There you see the guy in the grey suit.. that's him..... John.", Neil said pointing to the guy standing in the front row exchanging pleasantries with a few guests. This was the guy whom Jasmine had chosen. This was the guy who Jasmine would be going to be with for the rest of her life. This was the guy who would get to hold her, kiss her, take care of her and grow old with.

"Hmmm... Lucky guy", Atif said replying feeble voiced as if a knife had pierced his heart.

Before the knife could penetrate any deeper, suddenly the music began to play. John moved to his position in front of the priest. The best men and bridesmaids followed to theirs. Everyone was on their feet and turning towards the entrance of the room.  Atif turned back. And there she was. Jasmine. The love of his life. His soul mate. Walking hand in hand with her father with her lovely white flowing gown and her beautifully tied up hair. She was smiling with a sparkle in her eyes. Her skin was glowing. She looked so happy. It was like falling in love with her all over again.

                                                           - - -***- - -
"What are the best things you like about me. Be honest.", Jasmine said lying on Atif's lap.
"Hmmmm...there are so many actually. Really tough to compare or call "best"., he replied smiling.
"Cmon tell na please", Jasmine said slapping him lightly on arm which was across her neck.
"Well, you have got beautiful beautiful eyes, its like they are telling me a story and I just want to keep looking inside them and trying to understand and listen to what they are saying. I could just go on looking at them forever.", Atif replied as Jasmine giggled.
"Continue continue", she said.
"Then, your lovely hair as if they are like the waves of the ocean trying to fall on each other to reach the shores of your face", he added.
Jasmine giggled loudly. " Ok....wow...J4A " she said not finding any other words.
"And...Your skin, its soooo soft and smoooth, it feels like .... like.... ", he said pausing.
"Bolo bolo", Jasmine said.
"Like... putting my hand in a pile of freshly excreted cowdung..all soft and mushy", Atif replied laughing.
"Youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu ...." Jasmine said getting up and hitting Atif with a pillow.
Atif running away trying to avoid being hit with Jasmine chasing him all over the house. Finally loosing breath, he lets her hit him, then pulls her towards him and plants one passionate kiss on her lips.
                                                           - - -***- - -

"Isn't she looking beautiful.", Neil said startling Atif out of his memory and bringing him into reality.
Jasmine had walked up to the altar and was standing next to John. He realized at that very moment how lucky he was to have her for whatever duration they had and create all those lovely memories and how sad it was now to loose her forever. But sometimes life does not really give you much of a choice. This was it. It was happening in front of his eyes. This was how it was always written. How it was always going to end. But Atif was strong. He had to do this. This vision he was seeing was going to hurt and cause lot of pain, but it would somehow open his mind and pull him out of the imaginary hope he was holding on to and to see reality that was going to materialize itself.

"Do you John Mathews, take Jasmine Donald as your wife.", the priest asked.
"I do", John replied.
"Do you Jasmine Donald take John Mathews as your husband.", the priest turned towards Jasmine now.

                                                           - - -***- - -
"Please say No", Atif was crying to Jasmine. " Please Please please. There is something unfinished between us. We are meant to be together. You and me. Whatever we have its different. Its special. Dont you feel it too. To hell with the society. To hell with this world. Just hold my hand this once and I promise I will never let go of it. Please don't accept John. Please. If you feel he treats you like a princess, I shall treat you like a queen. I promise you I will. You know I will."
"Yes Atif, I know you will. But please understand I really cannot do anything now. Its all fixed. Wedding invites have been sent out already. All relatives friends and everyone knows about it. Please understand my helplessness. I am sorry for putting you in this position. Please forgive me. I will always love you Atif. But I have to go. John is a nice guy, he will keep me happy. He loves me a lot. Your Jasmine will be happy Atif, thats what you want right. I am sorry Atif.", Jasmine said hugging him and crying her heart out on his chest.

" I will love you so much baby. Please dont leave me. I beg you. I am nothing without you. How can I live my life without you. The very thought of you not being there with me anymore is leaving an emptiness inside me and it will never be filled ever again. A4J and J4A right forever and ever. You only had said. Please Jasmine. Please I beg you. Please say no."
                                                           - - -***- - -
 
"I do", Jasmine replied as claps thundered in the church bringing back Atif to his senses again.

"You may now kiss the bride", the priest replied leaving John and Jasmine sharing the wedding kiss.

Atif was devastated at the vision. This was it. This was the end. He felt void and hollow and empty inside, as if everything inside his heart had been pulled out. But strangely he could not feel the pain. He had gone numb. His mind was blank. His body was loosing strength as he collapsed in the chair with eyes staring at emptiness.

"you okay buddy", Neil asked trying to hold him.
"Yaa, i am fine, Just lost my balance.", he smiled back.

People were rushing towards the couple congratulating them. John and Jasmine smiling back arm in arm walking to the dining hall.
 
"Hey Jazz", Neil shouted out loud making her turn back.
"Heyyy Neil, how are you.", she said excusing herself from Johns arms and walking towards Neil.
"Congratulations sis.", Neil said extending his arms. 

As Jasmine hugged him, she saw Atif sitting on the chair. An eye contact made and memories and moments and the whole past came flashing back to her mind. But she somehow gathered herself up.
Atif stood up and started walking towards them.

"Hey congrats Jasmine", Atif said extending both his arms for a hug at first and then quickly realising it was a wrong move at this point of time , put his hand out for shake.
The mere touch of her hand in his hand sent an unknown wave of an indescribable feeling all throughout his body. "The magic touch", some call it.
 "Thank You Atif. Good to see you. Thanks for coming.", Jasmine replied forcing herself not to get dragged back into that wave herself.

"Neil uncle, Susan aunty is calling you.", a small kid walked up to them.
"Excuse me guys, thats my mom calling. Will be back." Neil said before walking away leaving both of them in a very awkward situation.

"Sooo.. How have you been?.", Jasmine broke the silence.
"Great actually. Life is just rocking", Atif replied lying.
"Good to know you are happy.", she smiled back.
"Are you happy?", Atif enquired.
"Yes very much. John really takes care of me a lot. Loves me a lot.", Jasmine said.
"And do you love him?", Atif said smiling.
Jasmine smiled back., "Ofcourse I love him, he is my husband now".
Atif broke into a laughter, " Ofcourse he is and there he is searching for you", Atif said pointing to John.
"Bye Atif. Be happy.", Jasmine said as she was leaving.
"You too and Congrats once again.", Atif said as she walked away from him and towards John.

"Have a good life baby. A4J forever and ever .", he said to himself as he saw her holding John's hands again. 

Atif walked out of the church. He was trying to look inside himself to understand what he was feeling right now. He was broken. He was shattered. The girl he loved was now not his own but someone else's forever. He was feeling numb. Everything around him had slowed down and nothing or no one seemed to hold any importance. Everything around him seemed waste. His very existence seemed like a waste of time. What use of this life if you do not end up being with that one person whom you really want to be with. With whom you really want to spend your life with. When that person is taken away from you, what is left of you then, what do you become then. If that one person who makes you complete is no longer yours what happens then. 

Atif got into his car. Closed all the windows and was waiting to burst out into tears. But he didnt. It got him worried. How come he was feeling nothing? How come all  the tears had dried? Did he achieve what he had come for? Did it work seeing something that gives you pain manifest itself in front of your eyes that you dont feel it anymore? Did the pain inside him which was hurting him had finally gone away? Had he really gotten over Jasmine completely? 
Had he really moved on?  

To Be Contd....