Monday, January 28, 2008

A part of me is gone . . .

It was a beautiful night,
All the stars were in sight.
The moon was there too, a king on a throne,
Truly majestic, yet it so very alone.
The gentle breeze blowing through my hair.
All I could do was just stop and stare
at the beauty of your face,
Knowing I've left all time and space.
You looked at me for just that little while,
On my face it left a permanent smile.

Then something came over me,
A feeling of death, a parting of the sea.
Somehow I knew the journey was over,
The love is lost, just left to hover.
The destiny has finally run out,
My soul, it does scream and shout.
I've lost a even a friend on this date.
Paralyzed by lost love, now it's too late.

Have I done anything to make you flee.
Or are you done making use of me.
Should I have taken a stand.
This is something I truly don't understand.
Was I just a card for you to hold and win,
Or did you actually care deep within.
You've silently requested time apart,
To leave me with pieces of a broken heart.



Have you forgotten how to care,
To tell me you'll always be there
Now I do nothing but shun my feelings,
Letting my life just keep on wheeling.
I feel a part of me is gone,
I feel like the moon, so very alone.
Should I ever return to you in greed,
Will there ever be a time, when its me you would really need.


Do you have the answers to my questions,
Or should I leave and learn my lesson
I think I deserve better than this,
Eventhough it would be you, I'll always miss

I will always miss....
I will always miss....

Friday, January 25, 2008

JASHN - E - BAHARA

My current Fav song.. very rhythmic, very solemnic, lovely lyrics.....calm. nice and slow just as I love it...




(kehne ko jashn e bahara he
ishq yeh dekh k hairaan he) x2
ful se khushboo khafa khafa he gulshan me
chupa he koi ranz fiza ki chilman me
saare sehme nazare he
soye soye waqt k dhaare he
aur dil me koi khoi si baate he
CH:
kehne ko jashn e bahara he
ishq yeh dekh k hairaan he
ful se khushboo khafa khafa he gulshan me
chupa he koi ranz fiza ki chilman me

kaise kahe kya he sitam
sochte he ab yeh hum
koi kaise kahe woh he ya nahi hamare
karte to he saath safar
faasle he fir bhi magar
jaise milte nahi kisi dariyaan ke do kinare
paas he fir bhi paas nahi
humko yeh ghum raas nahi
sheeshe ki ek diwaar he jaise darmiyaan
saare sehme nazare he
soye soye waqt k dhaare he
aur dil me koi khoi si baate he

Humne jo tha nagma suna
dil ne tha usko chuna
yeh daastan hume waqt ne kaisi sunai
hum jo agar he ghumgeen
woh bhi udhar khush to nahi
mulakato me he jaise ghul si gayee tanhayee
mil ke bhi hum milte nahi
khilke bhi gul khilte nahi
aankho me he bahare dil me khizaa
saare sehme nazare he
soye soye waqt k dhaare he
aur dil me koi khoi si baate he
kehne ko jashn e bahara he
ishq yeh dekh k hairaan he
ful se khushboo khafa khafa he gulshan me
chupa he koi ranz fiza ki chilman me



URL : http://www.dhingana.com/

Thursday, January 17, 2008

TRULY MADLY DEEPLY...

I'll be your dream
I'll be your wish
I'll be your fantasy.
I'll be your hope
I'll be your love
Be everything that you need.
I love you more with every breath
Truly madly deeply do..
I will be strong
I will be faithful
'Cos I'm counting on a new beginning.
A reason for living.
A deeper meaning.

Chorus:
I want to stand with you on a mountain.
I want to bathe with you in the sea.
I want to lay like this forever.
Until the sky falls down on me...


And when the stars are shining brightly

In the velvet sky,
I'll make a wish

Send it to heaven
Then make you want to cry..

The tears of joy
For all the pleasure and the certainty.
That we're surrounded

By the comfort and protection of..
The highest power.
In lonely hours.

The tears devour you..

I want to stand with you on a mountain,
I want to bathe with you in the sea.
I want to lay like this forever,
Until the sky falls down on me...

Oh can't you see it baby?
You don't have to close your eyes
'Cos it's standing right before you.
All that you need will surely come...

I'll be your dream
I'll be your wish
I'll be your fantasy.
I'll be your hope
I'll be your love
Be everything that you need.
I'll love you more with every breath
Truly madly deeply do...





Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Where is my ring?

Aditya was nervous. "Hope everything goes as planned", he thought.
"Dont worry Sir. We have done this before", the manager of the hotel replied calmly.
"Oh Good. But there is this one thing I would like you to.......".
Aditya stopped seeing the door opening.
"Oh God, she is here!!!", Aditya rushed to his table.
"Positions...Take your positions", the manager ordered to the waiters.

Sakshi walked in. Aditya was awestruck. The breeze started blowing her hair. The waiters started playing violins. The hotel lights swtiched off, except one which was focussed on her. She was looking so lovely in the red evening gown she was wearing. Her eyes were searching for Aditya. Once they found him, the lips parted ways and that 'to-die-for' smile was full on display.
Aditya went "Haaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiii" in his mind.

"Hi!!" she said with the smile still on. Aditya gathered all his scattered senses and got up,"Hi". He went and pulled her chair back.
"Thanks for coming. Please sit down mudaaaaam ". She sat down giggling. Aditya signalled to the managers before taking his own seat. He looked up at her. She was looking even more lovely with the candle lights falling on her. Infact the candles were looking more lovely because of her. He was in his own thoughts.

"I love candle-light dinners", Sakshi said adjusting her gown.
"Yes, I know", Aditya gave a quick-blunt-silent reply ( almost a whisper ) looking in her eyes.
"Excuse me", she replied not able to hear what was being said.
"Uhhh...I mean, Oh is it?...Wow... me too. I mean even I luuuvvvee candle-light dinners too. Infact I love candle light breakfasts and lunches too", he replied in a fidgety manner.
"What?", she giggled again.
He blinked at her and joined in with a fake giggle, thinking, "Oh @#$%, kya bol raha he....control Aditya ...control...PJ mat maar."

"Good evening Sir. Good evening Madam. Here is our menu for tonight. I recommend you should try our Schezwan Cabbage Rolls.", the waiter said handing over the menu cards.
"Schezwan Cabbage Rolls...what the hell were that!!", Aditya wondered.
"Thank You Mark". Aditya replied.
"You know their names?", Sakshi enquired after the waiter left.
"Uhhgg...Yes..some of them. So how was your day today.", Aditya asked avoiding her further probing.
"Well...not too great. We had a ............." Sakshi went about telling the details of every little thing that happened with her. Aditya was only too happy to let her speak. This gave him a chance to stare at her non stop without her doubting. He cursed the waiter who butted in between to ask for the orders. But then again it was back to hearing her voice.
The food came, they ate. She kept on talking. He kept on listening. She was generally a very quiet person, but with people she knew, she could not stop exercising her mouth. Anyways, Aditya didnt mind. Time passed by in a jiffy.



Aditya looked at his watch. It was about time. He signalled the waiter who came up with a bottle of red wine. He had it poured in two glasses.

"Cheers", they said slowly sipping the drink.
After a few minutes, Aditya was looking at her, waiting for her to say something, waiting for her to react. But nothing was happening. Her drink was getting over. But she was not reacting. The waiter standing at a little distance was also surprised as to why she was not reacting.
"I guess I can have one more glass.", she said blinking at Aditya. Aditya was perplexed. He called the waiter who filled the glass again for her.

"Whatever happened to the ring", he thought. " Oh No!! Had she swallowed it?? ...NO she possibly cant. She would have realised. Had the waiters stolen it?..NO they couldnt, they were already paid for this. They could be trusted. Well then what happend to it. It cant just disappear in thin air or a hard drink."
"Excuse me Sakshi, will be right back", he said hurrying off to the loo, signalling the manager and waiter to join in.
"Where the #$%^ is the ring?", he thundered. " My whole plan is screwed up. A chance like this wont come again soon."
"Sir, we really dont know where it is. I had put it in the glass and poured the wine over it as u had ordered.", Mark said timidly.
"Sir, I dont suppose the lady would have swallowed the....", the manager said calmly."I hope not", said Aditya dejected. "Aaahhhgg....forget it now ...when she leaves....you guys are going to help me find the ring and if you dont find it, you will have to pay for it." Aditya was furious now.
He had waited so long for this moment. He knew that Sakshi too loved him. It was just the proposal to be made and then it was going to be Happiees Endingss for them. But now a chance like this was never going to come again and if it did, it would not have the same effect, the same punch.
"Bring the bill in 5min after I sit down.", Aditya said leaving.
"Are you OK Adi? You look tensed", Sakshi asked as he settled down.
"No No, everything is juuuusst fine", Aditya said sipping his wine in one gulp.Sakshi was still looking at him.
Aditya was puzzled. There was something in his mouth. It was hard. It had come along with what he had just drank.
"Oh NO!!, the ring!!....The damned waiter exchanged the glasses. And now its in my mouth. Holy Cow....", he thought.
"Guess its getting late, we better leave", Sakshi said picking her purse.
"YESSHHHH...AAI SSSHINK VEE SSSHHHUUUD", Aditya replied.
Sakshi looked back at him, with amazement.
"Should I remove it now. NO ..i better not in front of her. Mann it would look cheap...", Aditya thought.
"By the way Adi, did i tell you that you are looking very handsome today with the tuxedo on", Sakshi commented.
"Hmmm.." he replied. " ZZZAAANK UUUU".
"Now why are you putting up a french accent Adi? But you know what U look cute when you speak like that".
"Ya right", Aditya thought."Try speaking with the ring in your mouth for the entire life. But for you my love, I wouldnt mind it."
"Hmmm..", he replied again adjusting the ring inside his mouth.
As she turned around to leave, he quickly removed the ring and put it in his pocket.

Outside the hotel, he wondered, "should he propose to her now?...Yes...the timing is superb....No...it wouldnt be that romantic. Maybe he should just go down on his knees, and ask for her hand..that would be super-romantic.....but on the footpath!!...NO that would not be a good place....Sheeeesh...Plan screwed up. Dont know when will i get a chance like this again. Damn the waiters, damn the hotel, damn the manager, damn the wine glass, damn my luck...".

"What are you thinking so much Adi?" , she enquired.
"Me..no nothing. uhh...Should I drop you home?", he asked.
"NO yaar, its ok. I can manage.", she replied.
She sat in the cab.
"Chalo bye. Thanks for the everything. It was a lovely evening. I had a nice time. Give me a ring later. Good night.", she said.
Aditya looked up. "Did she know?...No.. No..No Adi...She meant a phone call".
"Yes sure, Will give you a ring later.", he reiterated the statement stressing on the word 'ring', thinking, " Hope that "later" comes "sooner"!!"
The cab left.
Aditya rushed back to the hotel. "Where is Mark?", he thundered. Mark was taken aback.
"Dude....you put the wrong glass in front of her!!". Then he turned towards the manager and said," You were right about the swallowing part. Except it would have been me who would have swallowed it.", he said removing the ring from the pocket.
"This ring meant so much to me", he said lifting it in front of the managers face." And you have screwed everything BIG TIME. Now since my plans has been spoilt, I need my refund for the....". He stopped.

He looked at the thing he was holding in his hand. It was a ring for sure. But it was not his. It was not the one he had bought for her.
His cell rang. "Sakshi calling..."
"Hello", he picked up.
"Give me a ring later", she said giggling. The waiters too were smiling now.
Slowly Aditya realised what had happened.
"I love you Adi. Would you like to...." , Sakshi asked.
Aditya was short of words. He didnt know what to say."Yes" ...he interupted smiling. Sakshi was smiling at the other end of the line too.
"Well, where is a ring for me then", Sakshi said. Her voice was so clear as if it came from somewhere nearby. He turned and found her standing right behind him.
He was too shocked to say anything. Do anything. Think anything.
Mark came up to him, removed a ring from his pocket and said,"Sir, here is your ring. We are sorry sir, but madaaaam paid us more to do this.", he said smiling.
They slipped the rings into each others fingers and the kiss came without a second thought.
The breeze was blowing, the violins were playing, all the lights were off, except a light blue one focussed on them.
Happieesss Endingss.....

Sunday, January 13, 2008

Provoked by ? ---part 1

I was out for the evening jog in the nearby garden, when I heard someone calling me. "Jonty!!....Jonty!!". It had been a long time, since anyone has called me by that name. The last time I remember someone used that name was way back in school. People now use my original name, Jonathan.

I turned around, the shout was coming from a guy on a bike nearby. I couldnt see his face with his helmet on. I stared at him curiously. He got down and started hurrying towards me.

"Jonty, my bro, what a surprise. So nice to see you ", the stranger said coming nearer.

I had that " who the hell r u" expression on my face. Also he had addressed me as bro. For a moment i wondered... did I have a brother?... No...It was just me and 2 female pranksters as my siblings. My expression still remained the same. Seeing that the guy said," Oh Sorry!!" and removed his helmet.

"Oh My God!!", i exclaimed. He was no stranger.

"Altaf!!!!!!, Hiiii". The bear hug came instantly.




Altaf had left school in the 8th standard. His dad got a transfer to Ooty. So it must have been like 10 years since we had seen each other. I remember Altaf as this timid weakling. Possibly the thinnest guy in school, who was quiet, shy, reserved, introvert of sorts, all to himself most of the times. Very calm. He never got intimidated by anyone or anything. If people passed comments on him, teased him, he would never attack back. Just remain quite. This was what I liked about him. He was a bookworm to the core and studies were his only and main concern. He was not much into sports except this one thing. The 100m dash. He was the undefeated champion. A gold medal to him was gauranteed everytime he ran those 100m. That was all he took part in and he always won.

But looking at him now. A six feet 3 inches hulk with those bulging muscles, chieseled looks. He would give any bollywood actor a 'run' for his money. And speaking of "run", he would def win here again too.!!

We went to the nearby hotel to have a chai and a chat!! We talked a lot about the school days, about him, about me, about the good old teachers, about the not so good teachers, crushes, sports events, friends, possibly everything we could think of.

He was working for an MNC in Mumbai and unfortunately resting those legs of his, which were made to run. He had come to Pune for a few weeks on some official training. We spent a lot of time together for the next few days. Hung out a lot, caught on the old times. There was so much to discuss everytime we met. It was good to see him after a long time. But there was something, which had changed in him . Something which made me look at him as if he was not the same Altaf I knew. It was something inside him. He had become a bit more aggressive. His attitude towards life, with people had changed. Many situations made me realise it.


Situation 1:
We had gone to Lonavala on a weekend. There was a lot of rush that day in the train. We climbed and started searching for seats. There was a seat where a middle aged guy (probably his dad's age) was sitting. There were bags kept on the seat.

"Anyone sitting here?" , asked Altaf.
"yes.....they are coming. Two people.", replied the man.
Altaf understood something was fishy. He said,"When they come, we will get up." and tried to sit.
"Arey baba, they are coming. Go sit there", he said pointing to an empty seat in the adjacent area.

"Chal yaar Altaf, wahan baithte he", I said interrupting and caught the seat.
We both adjusted and sat down on a seat where only one person could sit.
"These guys, dont know whether they are lying or telling the truth.", he was a bit upset.


As the train started, the cool breeze calmed him down and the beautiful view outside soon got us into the "chat" mode again.

Later, Altaf got up to go to the loo. He saw that same guy sleeping on the entire seat with his bag made as a pillow and feet outside the window. Thats when I saw Altaf's facial expression change in a zippy. He rushed straight towards that man, hit him, woke him up and shouted,
"Where are those two more people who were going to come?".
Before the guy could respond anything. I saw Altaf going on hitting that man till he bled. It was only when I and a couple of passengers on board stopped him, did he stop.


This was not the Altaf I knew. The Altaf I knew used to offer his own seat to anyone he felt would need it more than him. But what I saw left me shocked.

Situation 2:
We went to a shop to buy some clothes. Altaf asked for a red colored shirt, party wear. The shopkeeper removed a shirt and showed it to him.
"Aur he kya?", Altaf asked like any other customer would.
The guy removed 3-4 red shirts and said." This is all we have."
His tone of voice was not very good.I saw Altaf's eyebrow twitch.
"Can i try them and see.", he asked later.
"Sab mat try karo, shirts gande ho jayenge" was the reply.
Altaf was still quiet. He was biting his teeth hard. I cud see blood rushing to his face.
He didnt try them. Just held them in front of him and a look in the mirror.
"Aur kuch designs he to batao?" he asked one last time.
" Nahi he. Bolo to aapke liye specially banau kya?" the shopkeeper smirked.

The next thing I know is that the shopkeeper had a black eye. and blood running down from his nose and me dragging Altaf out from the shop, before we got into trouble.

Situation 3:
It was a sunday, and we decided to "cook" something in my house. We went to the market to get the things. We stopped by an onion vendor.
"Kitne ke he?", Altaf asked.
"12rs", he replied.
Altaf started putting the onions on the basket, choosing them carefully to see if they had not been spoilt or anything. Everyone does that, i believe.
But then the vendor said," Itna time to doctor bhi nahi leta, patients ko check karne ko".
This was targetted at Altaf. He knew it. I knew it.

Whack...He threw that basket full of onions on the vendor face. The basket ripped of some of his facial skin and the onions were all over the ground. Before he could do anything further, I stopped him and dragged him away. The vendor was shouting foul words now. Altaf forced himself free from me and ran towards the vendor and Wham!!. A punch on his cheek. The vendor collapsed on the ground and skeltered away. I forced Altaf before things went out of hand.

These were just three of the situations. There were many more. It was not that he started the fights. He was provoked in a way. But if it was the old Altaf, the one I knew back in school. He would have remained quite in all these situations. So what was it that had made him change. Who is this new Altaf. What is it that makes him angry and loose his cool.

"I dont know Jonty", he said. "I know I have changed. I know I tend to get angry nowadays more often. I dont know why. But there is one thing. Your old Altaf is still there inside man. That Altaf goes home and before he sleeps, he recollects every moment and then cries. He feel he should not have done what he did. He is such a weakling, a helpless soul, that he needs someone to protect him, someone to support him, someone to help him emotionally, physically, mentally. Thats when the Altaf you see outside shapes up."

Seeing the worried look on my face, he said, "Dont worry Jonty, I aint suffering from split personality or something. Its just me." , he said laughing.
"I have fulfilled the physical protection part," he said showing off his biceps in pride.

"However, the emotional void still remains buddy." , he said in a subtle way.
"OKKK....", I said smiling. "Time for you to speak up now. Who's the girl".
"Ask Who was the girl", he replied giving a sad smile.


TO B CONTD.


Sunday, January 6, 2008

Dreamz unlimited

Knock Knock.
"Hello Aunty, is Rakesh there?" I asked as Mrs. Dixit opened the door.
"Yes beta, he is there. But, he is still sleeping." Aunty replied giving that beautiful smile.

To be honest, till date I have not seen a smile more lovely than the one right in front of me.
Anyone would go "fida" over it. I had told Rakesh once. "If your mom was our age, I would have
proposed to her."

"Why dont you come in and try waking him up." She smiled again!!!

"Yes sure." Anything for the smile. I thought.

I went up to his room and opened the door slowly. There he was. The lazy b*%$&#.
King of his bed, sleeping so peacefully. Snoring? Yes, but in a beautiful manner!! I got a bit jealous. How can anyone sleep so nicely. For a moment even I felt like going Rakesh's way into that deep
slumber, that hibernation, with an attitude which shouted at the top of its voice "to hell with the
world". But I came back into my senses before his snores could hypnotise me further. I looked around and saw a jug of water.

Without further delay, SPLASH!!!.

"whaaaaaa...whooooooo...", Rakesh woke up startled.

"HEHE...HAHA", I gave him the devilish smile. I had completed aunty's mission. The prized smile would be mine again. "HEHE...HAHA".

"Arjun!!!, You @#$%^&*...$#%^&*..#$%^&*" Rakesh went on and on and on". He had this habit of speaking non stop. Give him any topic and he would go on speaking crap about it for hours together.!!Even if no one listened. I normally dont.

Then he stopped suddenly, looking lost. Silence prevailed. For a moment, I thought he was going to fall asleep again. Normally there is a calm before a storm. But in this case. It was a storm before the calm. In fact Calm-Storm-Calm. huh...Whatever.

"Hey!! Sorry buddy" I said. "Get up. We need to go and check out the new mall right! New brands, new clothes, new shoes, new chicks!! Cmon now get up, you sleepy head".

He was quiet. Had he slept, with his eyes open!!. I thought for a moment. But no he was awake but his eyes were moist.

"Heyyyy!! Whats the matter buddy?"I asked.
"NOthing yaar, Its her. She came in my dreams again. We were together hand in hand. We were travelling somewhere. We were in a bus. We were near the sea. The sun was setting. Her head was resting on my shoulders. Her hair smelt so good. I had my arms around her. She looked so beautiful. She......."

Rakesh went on and on and on. This time I was listening.
"......But all that happens in the dreams yaar. In real life, its different." Rakesh said completing
his dream. He went into his devdas mode again.

"Dude...." I said, not finding any words to console. I was always bad at consoling people. There was always so much I wanted to say, so much to show that I cared too, I felt for them too, but I just could not gather words at the right times. And i ended up saying, "Dude......"

"I just dont know how to make her understand. If I say that she is the prettiest of all,She dosent believe in my words. If I say that I love her more than my life, She disposes me without thinking twice. If I say I would give away the whole world for her,She thinks I am crossing my fingers behind my back. If I kneel down in front of her asking for her hand,She refuses me without any hesitation. If I tell her that I would love to love her and be loved by her, She says that I dream a lot. Well, Yes I dream a lot. The only dream I dream about is her. She is my dream. But she dosent understand."

Now he was sobbing. I had to say something. But words were not finding a way out. Luckily for me, Rakesh had not stopped talking.

"I mean, How can you love someone so much and not be loved even a tiny bit in return. How can you spend so much time thinking about someone and not be thought of even once. How can you spend so much time dreaming about her, and being happy in those dreams only to awake into reality which hurts pretty bad. How can...."

He was quiet again. This time the pause was a bit longer. And it didnt seem to end.I had to intervene. I had to say something.

"Dude, Cmon. Dont sulk now. Cheer up. If that girl is meant for you, then nothing on earth can keep her from you. And if that girl is not meant for you, then nothing on earth can bring her her to you. Leave it to God. He will make the decision. If you love her truly, then dont stop loving her, no matter what. But dont expect to be loved in return. If you get her love and what you have dreamed about does come true, be happy. If things dont go your way, still be happy. The fact that you love her cant change. No matter how hard she tries, she cant stop you from loving her. Probably one day God would make her realise your worth. Probably God would send someone else for you, to love you even more than you have loved her. God has already made your destiny. No matter how hard you try to change it, you just cant. What has to happen shall happen. You can go on dreaming about her. If it brings you happiness, so it be. When you wake up from the dream, dont sulk. Try to achieve those dreams. Try your best, to God leave the rest!!"

Rakesh looked up at me, surpised. His face was saying, " Arjun, I cant believe you are saying all
this!!". I was shocked myself. What the hell had I said. How the hell had I said what I had said!!. Infact I couldnt remember a single word of what I had said. I am not much of a senti(cum)mental guy who does regular love talk. But who cares, it had worked. He was smiling.

"You are right man, you are so damn right." He got up wiping his tears.
"Lets check out that mall" , he said.

"And the chicks" I added.

"No I will leave them for you. I am already committed, you see!!", he replied winking."Besides, I dont want to give you competition."

"Ya right, go take a shower you smelly greasly bear. And come down fast, you got 15min. I will wait for you downstairs."

As I was leaving the room, Rakesh shouted." Arjun!! Stay away from my mom".

"I will try my best buddy", I replied avoiding the pillow he threw at me.