I really do....

"Rajiv ....Dinner's ready!!", Mrs. Mane shouted from the dining room.
"Rajiv.....RAJIV....", she repeated a few moments later. Not getting any response from her son, he strolled towards the study.

"Raaaaaajiv !!! ....OH MY GOD.....RAAAJ.. ", she shouted as she saw her son on the floor...still. Minutes later at the hospital.

"What is it doctor?", Mrs. Mane asked with a worried look.

"Mrs. Mane. I......I am really sorry to say this. But we couldnt save him."
Mrs. Mane fell back as if all the energy in her body was sucked out. Her hands covered her face the next moment. "NO...NO...this cant happen", she cried. "I ...He......", and she just cudnt stop the tears from escaping the clutches of her eyes. But she as a strong woman. She collected herself a few moments later.

Seeing that the doctor continued. "Your son......had got tumour....brain tumour...", replied the doc. "It was severe, I am surprised that the first attack itself was life- tak... ". the doctor stopped seeing Mrs. Mane cover her face again.

A day later.

Mrs. Mane, went towards the desk where she last saw Rajiv. The desk was neat. He liked it that way. A few sheets were right in the centre below the paper weight. She went ahead and picked them up. She read.

A few moments later, Mrs. Mane had tears in her eyes. The last page.

She could see that the pen had dragged away towards the end. This was the moment when he had passed away. Probably he wanted to say so much more. She knew about him and Radhika. She knew that he loved her. She knew that this letter had to be delivered to her at all cost.

Later in the evening, she was at Radhika's door.

"Mom, you see that house over there. Thats where she stays." Rajiv has showed her once, when they were passing that area. His words echoed in her head as she rang the bell.
"Hi Radhika ??, she enquired.

"Yes"., the girl replied.

"I am Rajiv's mother. Rajiv died yesterday. He left you this. Please read it.", so saying she handed the letter to her and turned away crying.
Before Radikha could gather her senses and realise what she had heard, what had just happened, Mrs Mane had gone far away, disappearing behind the corner. When she recollected what she had heard, she was shocked herself. She closed the door and went inside, glancing at the paper in her hand. It was Rajiv's handwriting. She recognised it. She began to read.
====================================

Dear Radhika,

I picked up the phone today yet again, but i just couldnt dial your number. I do not know why but all my strength seems to just vanish in thin air whenever I try to do this. Dont think that I am low on self confidence or something. NO. That is not the point. Its just that sometimes, its so hard to speak to someone, to tell someone how much someone keeps thinking about the person. Sometimes its just so hard to say it in words. But its easier to write them down I think. And you must be knowing that I have always been a better writer than an orator. Hence, this paper you are holding in your hand. I hope it reaches you somehow.

I love you. I really do. I ..I.....I know I may sound desparate, trying to tell you again and again how much I ....you know...but the fact is no matter how much I try to avoid doing it I end up doing it. I know what you feel about me and I know that is never going to change. Yet for some reason I just cant stop thinking about you. I think of you in the day and I think of you in the night. I really do, I am not saying this just to sound poetic, its a fact. No matter how much I say to myself to stop thinking about you, I end up thinking about you more and more in the process of trying to forget you. Funny thing!! I sometimes think, that I should move on with life. Forget you once and for all. But whenever I see your picture or whenever I see you in front of me, I tend to go into a different mode all together. I like to be alone, thinking of you. Just me and you. And i dream. And I imagine. And i sulk in between. Shed a tear or two. And I smile again. And then i laugh thinking of what I am doing. Its very wierd you see. I know you wont be able to understand this. And do not think that I am making any effort to make you do so too. Its just that the heart is so so full. It has to leak somehow, somewhere.

I love you. I really do. I know you already know this. But I am saying it again and again , hoping that one day i get to hear a " i love you too". But I know that day would never come but yet I think, it just may.

I went to the shore again today. I know how much you love the sea. I do too. But here I walk alone, thinking of you. I sit alone, thinking of you. And I wish that I was never alone.I wish you were there with me. We could just walk for hours together holding hands, with nothing on our minds, not a word said, but yet so much spoken. Just you and me and the sea. I know this is never going to happen, but yet I imagine someday it just may. I am bored of shedding tears nowadays. But the heart keeps pushing them out. Cant stop them either. SO i let them flow. I keep fighting with myself. One part says to forget you. Other says dont let go. Fortunately or Unfortunately, there is no clear winner. Its always a tie between them. So I let it be. Let life go on as it is.

I love you. I really do. Wish you could understand. I cant force you. I know. But Wish you could understand.

You know something....I have been getting headaches lately. Dunno what the reason is. NO...Dont worry . Its not because of thinking of you too much. Dunno ...just natural i guess. As i write this, my head has already started paining. You know what I am seeing at the moment. A vision. A vision of you. Smiling. At me? I am not sure. But you are smiling.And you are looking very very beautiful. Like you always do. And will always do. I know it. I see the sea. The breeze is blowing gently. The smell is intoxicating, fresh neverthless. There is no one around. I see myself. I see a small hill. I am walking. Walking towards it ...walking alone..Oh!. I am alone yet again...as usual....Where are you?.... Why cant I see you?....Maybe you are behind the hill. Waiting for me. Are you? I hope you are. I am coming. Please dont go. Please wait. For me. Because you know it and I know you know it too, that I love you. The vision is getting blur now. Its getting dark. How can it get dark so soon. I still havent found you. I still havent reached you. Can you come over to me. Please. Oh!!..its getting more dark. Please come quick. Give me your hand.

I love you Radhika....I really d..............................

====================================

Radhika kept staring at the paper in her hand. There were tears in her eyes. One tear managed to free itself and fall down on the paper. She looked at the paper again and read the last line.

I love you Radhika....I really d O.............................
It seemed complete now. The tear had fallen right at the end completing the "O".

More tears followed.