dark...till the very end...

He was trapped. He didnt know where. He didnt know why. He tried to remember where he was.

What he was doing. But he couldnt, even after trying so hard. But he had to. He had to try. He closed his eyes. Didnt make a difference as it was already pitch dark. Then he remembered. He remembered her. He felt the room getting filled with brightness as soon as he remembered her. He felt free. He felt happy. He saw her image standing there right in front of him. He saw her face. He noticed a smile on her face. He felt a breeze creep in from nowhere and blow her hair. She was looking so pretty. Her smile was as lovely as ever. He stretched his hand towards her, but she was not within reach. He felt tied up. He tried to break free. But he couldnt. He asked her to come close to him. But she did not. Maybe she couldnt. Maybe she tried but couldnt. Maybe she didnt try and hence couldnt. He didnt know what was going on in her head. He tried very hard, used up all his strength to reach her, but he couldnt. He didnt want to give up. He called out her name. Please, please come. Help me. But she couldnt. He tried to see the expression on her face but he couldnt. Was she still smiling? Why was she still smiling? Did she not hear his voice? Did she not hear his calls? He didnt get any answers. The more he tried to go towards her, the more she kept moving away from him. And before he could realise her image suddenly vanished, leaving him in darkness yet again. There was silence. Absolute silence. He could hear nothing. No, he could hear something. It was his heart. It beating very fast. He could hear his breath. He was quiet. Moment passed. Suddenly, he felt a pain. He felt something piercing his heart. He felt as if someone had put a dagger straight into him. The pain was terrible. He felt the blood ooze out. He felt his tears roll out as if trying to compete which one would drain out faster. He opened his eyes. There was still darkness around. He couldnt feel anything. He felt his body becoming empty. He felt the emptiness inside. He felt the hollow inside. He felt he was getting cold. Very cold. But yet he was thinking about her. He felt weak. Suddenly, memories which he felt had been wiped out, came back. He felt scared. They were haunting him. He shouted. He screamed. He screamed so loud that he felt one of his vein burst. But no one heard him. No one could hear him. He was alone. He was tired. He felt the sweat on his face. He felt his body getting wet, making him feel more cold. He felt his hands get numb. He felt he couldnt move his legs. He felt his brain going hazy. His heartbeat was slowing down. Her vision again appeared in front of his eyes. He felt happy and he felt sad both at the same time. It was a strange feeling. Slowly, steadily, the heartbeat dropped. His eyes were closing. He didnt want to close. He wanted her vision to be there till the very end. He didnt want to loose it. He didnt want to loose her. But the eye lids seemed to be very heavy. He tried his best to keep them open. His brain was now numb. He gave out one last gasp of air.
His hearbeat stopped.
His body was still.
But his eyes were open.
He kept them open.
He kept them open till the very end...till the very end.

Bundeya hoo ---KHUDA KAY LIYE

Hi Guys,
The other day I was travelling back home in my cab and the radio played a song. The moment the song started playing, I felt so connected to it. I mean, there are some songs, the moment you hear it, you feel this strange feeling inside. A feeling indescribale. A divine connection. The last time I felt it was when i heard Khwaja mere Khwaja from Jodha Akbar. And then this song from KHUDA KAY LIYE. Dunno which language it is in. I guess Punjabi or Pashto maybe.
Anyways., it dosent matter. ( I really wanna see the movie now!! Have heard really good reviews about it.)

Lyrics
====
Bullay Noun Samjhawan Ayaan
Bheynaan Tay Bherjaiyaan
Man Lay Bulleya Sada Kena
Chad Day Pala Rayaan

Aal Nabi Ullad Ali Noun
To Kyoun Leekaan Layaan
"Jeyra Saanoun Syed Saday
Dozukh Milan Sazaiyaan"

Bundeya hoo Bundeya Bundeya hoo..oo…ooo Bundeya hoo Bundeya Bundeya hoo..oo…ooo

Raain, Saain, Sabhan Thaain
Rab Deyaan Bay Parwaaiyaan
Sohniyaan Paray Hatayaan Tay
Khoojiyaan Lay Gall Laiyaan

Jay To Loorain Baagh Baharaan
Chaakar Hoo Ja Raiyaan
Bulley Shah Dee Zaat Kee Puchni
Shakar Ho Razayaan

Bundeya hoo BundeyaBundeya hoo..oo…ooo Bundeya hoo BundeyaBundeya hoo..oo…ooo
hoo BundeyaBundeya hoo..oo…ooo Bundeya hoo Bundeya Bundeya hoo..oo…ooo..!!!





NJOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!
URL :
http://boomp3.com/listen/ajnfxch/khuda-kay-liye-bandya

some crap - Part 2

Its been a month and no new update in the blog!! I wonder whats happened. Its not that I dont have anything to say. I have so much to say, so much to tell. Prob so much that the blogspace maynot be enuf. Aaah whatever. Prob so much that its hard to put everything down in words.Or maybe i have hit the writers block. Or maybe i havent.Somethings wrong thats for sure. Somethings different. Its a wierd
situation. A strange feeling. Nothing seems the same. I sometimes feel
I am fighting with myself. Fighting about what I want and what I need.
About what I get and what I deserve. What I wish for and what I
avoid. Its all so very confusing. Nothing seems the same.Its prob the worst phase of my life. Or am i making it one. They say you can shape up your life....hmmm.,...can you?No idea.They say life is all about choices. But what happens if the only choice
you have is to make choices between your choices. uhh..whatever that
meant!!Whack ...I hit myself. Wake up buddy. Whats the matter.Life was all fun before, why all 'ghum' now. There is so much to do.So
much left. So many dreams. But yet it dosent work. No matter how
hard I try. No matter what I do. What I need is what I dont get. I read what I have written above. Sheesh!! .What the heck.Cant write anymore of this bullshit anymore. Anything more would be ......uhh not finding a word...god damnit....my
vocabulary fails me....
Anyways....Bye 4 now.

khwaabo k rishte

Hey Guys..
Latest album of Najam Shiraz / Pak singer.
The song making waves all over the music channels nowadays, not only for the music and the lyircs but also the video which has highlighted some social issues.
Do check it out. Lovely song.
===============================

raaste dekhe manzil na payi
saathi mile to par woh kali naa aayi
mere baahon me khilke woh phool ban jaati
in andhero se milke woh dhoop ban jaati

khwaabo k rishte he khwaabo me yaar
yeh kitaabo k kisse he bas kitaabon me yaar

hum doob jaate gar jaam hota
dekha majnoono ka agar anjaam hota
uski baahon me khilke woh phool jaati
un andheron se milti to dhoop ban jaati.

khwaabo k rishte he khwaabo me yaar
yeh kitaabo k kisse he bas kitaabon me yaar
khwaabo k rishte he khwaabo me yaar
yeh kitaabo k kisse he bas kitaabon me yaar


URL :
http://videozfirst.com/

That Somebody's Me

Yet another Enrique number. My current fav. Mann this guy is too good. A song which is somewhat special. You can close your eyes and feel that pain in the words. And without doubt, the lyircs are just too good.
A song for that somebody. A message for that somebody --> That somebody's me.
Have fun people.
=========================================

You, do you remember me? Like I remember you?
Do you spend your life Going back in your mind to that time?
Because I, I walk the streets alone ....I hate being on my own
And everyone can see that I really fell
And I'm going through hell
Thinking about you with somebody else

[CHORUS]
Somebody wants you
Somebody needs you
Somebody dreams about you every single night
Somebody can't breathe without you, it's lonely
Somebody hopes someday you will see
That Somebody's Me


How, How could we go wrong
It was so good and now it's gone
And I pray at night that our paths will soon cross
And what we had isn't lost
Cause you're always right here in my thoughts

[Chorus]
Somebody wants you
Somebody needs you
Somebody dreams about you every single night
Somebody can't breath without you, it's lonely
Somebody hopes someday you will see
That Somebody's Me

You'll always be in my life Even if I'm not in your life
Because you're in my memory
You, will you remember me
And before you set me free
Oh listen please

[Chorus]
Somebody wants you
Somebody needs you
Somebody dreams about you every single night
Somebody can't breath without you, it's lonely
Somebody hopes someday you will see
That Somebody's Me ...
That Somebody's Me...

URL : http://www.muvids.com/enrique_iglesias_videos/somebodys_me.html

The Request...

My Dear heart,

There is something I must tell you
Hope you keep it between us, just me and you.
I know its going to be tough but I have to be bold.
There are lots of things to tell, so many more untold.

I know how much you love her, how much you have to say.
And how much you hope that she will be ours some fine day.
But day after day, night after night
My hopes fade away, but still I see her in ur sight.

While the wheels of my life keep on turning
The passion in you for her just keeps on burning
The life I have is so empty, so lonely.
But yet you keep thinking of her, thinking "if only-".

I cant stop you no matter how hard I try,
You dont seem to care for me, you dont see me cry.
But still I beg to you, dont ever say goodbye
You just live for her and slowly let me die.

I sometimes wonder, how much pain do you bear
You love her so so much, I would not dare
Can you do me a favor, can you help me out
Throughout my life, keep her in you, dont scream or shout.

Dont ever stop beating for her, even if I ask you to
If you stop beating for her, then stop beating for me too.

A Lamp and a Heart Beat...

"Meet me at Mac D, sharp 3:00 PM. I will come to pick you up", Rishabh spoke on the phone.
"Sure, See you there", she replied dropping the call.
"What a Sweet voice.", Rishabh thought and smiled.

Rishabh was just like any other guy. With good friends around him, friends who loved him, others whom he loved. He had always so much to do, but so little time. Just like others, he too had dreams. He too had hopes. Like many others, he too wanted to become something. But ended up becoming something else. Like many others, he too had loved and lost. There was so much to talk, so much to speak, so much to discuss, so much to share. But there was no one to share it with. There was a sense of emptiness in his life. He wondered why he was feeling that
emptiness but he could not help it. It was there. It was this emptiness that forced him to call her up.

The Mac D was crowded as expected on a Sunday evening. There was a shopping mall nearby and loads of people around. She felt a bit uneasy as always. She hated crowded places. But she had got used to this. She was waiting for Rishabh to show up, searching for a blue Pulsar to stop near her. Five min later, it came

"Mona?", the man behind the helmet asked.
"Yes......Rishabh?", she counter questioned.
"Wow, she is looking so pretty.", he thought.
"Hop on!!", he said as the car behind started honking.

She wondered what today had in store for her as they drove off.

The bike stopped at CCD. "Lets grab a bite, I am famished.", he said removing his helmet.
"Wow!!" was the word which came to her mind on seeing him.
"So tell me more about yourself Mona", he asked biting the sandwich.



"Well, what do you want to know." was the reply.
"Anything and Everything...Where were you born, where did you grow up...anything....I would love to know....you can start by telling me your real name.", he said winking.
"So you dont think Mona is my real name?", she enquired.
"Maybe, it is. But something inside me tells me its not. Moreover, more than half the people on the website post fake names. And a girl as sweet as you must be having a really sweet name...i feel....not something extravagant as MONA!!"
She blushed. "My name is Sanika", she replied.
"Thats good. See i was right. Cute name indeed", he said winking. She was blushing all the more.

No one had spoken to her like this before ever. She felt free. She felt good. She felt she could open up her book of life to a stranger.There was something in him, which made her feel so. She felt she could trust him. Reason? She was not aware. But his eyes....it had so much of honesty and care in them with a tinge of naughtiness. She felt safe. She read out the pages of her life to him. He was a patient listener.

"......Well, thats its about me. Well , there is one more thing actually. I normally dont tell it to anyone. When I go home at the end of the day, I light a lamp in front of God and ask him to forgive me for all the sins I have done in the day. You might find it funny. But I do it.", She said ending her book of life so far.



"No...No ..I dont find it funny. Infact I find it quite interesting. Am sure he must be forgiving you.", he replied. She smiled.

"Should I ask him about him?", she wondered."Should I ask him, why he chose me. Should I ask him why he needed me here. No, I better not. What do I care. Tomorrow we will be on separate paths. Maybe later. No, No, it would get personal. I should not get personal."
"Heyy..whats up...what r u thinking so much?", he asked."huhhhh...no no...nothing...", she replied gathering herself and sipping her coffee.

Minutes later, they were on the bike again.

"So, where are we going now." she asked.
"Well, its only 4:00pm. We got a long way to go. I was thinking of catching a movie. What say?". She was now really surprised. "OK", she said smiling.

"Wait here, Lemme see if I can get the tickets."he said assuringly. Rishabh went and stood in a line. She was admiring him from far away. "Is this guy really that good? Or is he faking it? What does he really want? Why is wasting so much time? Does he like me? Or he would have done
this with any other girl? But he is a very nice guy. Or he is pretending to be one? Oh cmon, Sanika...Dont think so much...Just enjoy the moment."

"Hey, got the tkts 4:30pm show. The Lake House.That was the only thing available. The reviews were good in the papers. Hope you have not seen it already."
"No I havent", she replied.
"Good..Good..Cmon it starts any time now.

Seated inside, Rishabh was on the end seat in the row, with no one next to him. People were walking next to him and finding their seats. The movie started. The lights went dim. Slowly, he moved his face closer to her. She noticed it, but kept on looking straight at the screen. Her heart had started beating faster now.
"This guy is just like the rest. For Gods sake, the movie has not yet started. How can anyone be so desparate. All men are dogs...#$$%^& ", she thought. He moved towards her ear. He could smell her hair. They smelt good. She smelt good. He slowly whispered."Lets exchange seats".
She was taken aback. "Whaaa...whhhy...huhhh"?
"I dont want you to sit next to him." he said pointing his fingers at the guy seated next to her."Come on...Get up". She did so. She was smiling now.
"Hmmm...jealous already?", she said adjusting herself in her seat.
"Naah..not jealous...just like that....now shut up and watch the movie...Dont ask too many questions", he replied.
She was smiling all the more. "So this guy is not that bad. He is different."

The movie was good. With Keanu Reaves and Sandra Bullock as the leads, the performance was without doubt, excellent. The story was quite good too. It was about love. It was about two very lonely people, meant for each other but separated by time!! They lived two years apart in the same lake house. There was a mailbox through which they used to communicate.They say love dosent see age, love dosent see status ,love dosent have boundaries, but here they showed that love dosent even see time. It showed that sometimes waiting is the right thing to do.

Sanika felt so much connected to the movie. Even she was lonely. But unfortunately, love never came to her. She searched and searched, waited and waited, but it never came.
Was today the day, that wait was going to be over. Was Rishabh what she was searching for. Was Rishabh meant for her. Maybe no. Maybe Yes.

They came out. Rishabh was quiter. The naughtiness in his eyes seemed to have disappered somewhere in the dark cinema hall.There was a more serious look on his face. The movie seemed to have changed his mood.
"Come lets go", he said. Even his tone of voice had changed.
She followed, hopping on the bike again.

Minutes later, she felt the air suddenly getting a bit cooler. She noticed that the sea was nearby. They found a place to sit down. The sun was setting. The gentle breeze blowing the hair.The cold moist air on the face. The scent of freshly wet sand. The birds heading home. A ship on the horizon. It was fantastic. It was romantic.



But Rishabh was quiet.

"Should I ask him?, she thought. But before she could think further, he spoke out.
"Sanika, you have told everything about yourself to me. But you didnt ask about me", he asked. She was quite. He went on.
"You know what, I am a very lonely guy. Not that I have no one in the world or something. Ofcourse, I got friends and people around me. And when I am with them, I really enjoy sometimes. But there are times, when I feel alone even when a crowd is there. I got parents siblings who love me. I got a good job, make lots of money, yet I am not happy. You know there is a difference between lonliess and being alone. Being alone can be anytime when you are alone. I mean its a state of being. Loneliness can be a state of mind. You can be alone yet cannot be lonely. With me however, its not like that. I am lonely, very lonely, even when I am alone and even when I am not alone."

He stopped and looked at her. She was gazing at him. He smiled.
" I am sorry" , he said. "Sorry to bore you".
"No No, its ok. Go on. I am listening.", she replied.
"I hoped you would. I needed someone to speak to. Someone to open up to. Someone to share what I feel, someone to feel what I am going through."

Sanika took his hand in hers, smiled and said, " Go On, I am listening."

Rishabh was happy and continued to read out his book of life to her. He told all about himself. What he did. His lost loves. His old girlfriends who had married off to someone else. His dreams.
What he wanted to become. And what he ended up becoming. "My heart, Sanika. It dosent beat for anyone now a days. It has suffered so much pain. It has shattered so many times. Its so broken that it cant break anymore. It dosent beat anymore....It dosent beat anymore...", he said wiping out the tear which had managed to escape the prison of his eyes.

She put her hand on his shoulders and said, "It will".

They were such different persons, yet they had so much in common in a way. They both were lonely. They both needed someone. Yet they could not think of being with each other. Atleast she could not. He had finished what he had to say. He felt good. He felt lighter. As if a huge boulder from his head had been removed. He felt happy that he had called her. He looked at her. The sun had set. The moon had come out. The moonlight falling on her face. She was looking all the more beautiful.

"You know what Sanika", he said. "You are a good girl. She smiled.
"You wanna come over to my place", he asked her.

So this was it, she felt. One moment he is a angel and the next he becomes a devil. But he was not wrong. She had to surrender herself to him. She had somehow started liking him. He was different from other guys she had ever met. There was something in him which was making her allow herself to fall for him.
"OK", she said hopping on the bike again.

Sanika had closed her eyes. So many thoughts were going on in her head. What she didnt know was that even more were going on in his head.

The bike had stopped. She opened her eyes. But where were they? Back at MacD. He had brought her back to the place he had picked her from.

"Rishabh?", she enquired. "You are a good girl Sanika.", he said reaching out to his wallet.
"Here is your money", he said.

She stared at him. There was silence between them. All the noise around seemed to have gone. All the people, all the cars seemed to have stopped. Time seemed to have stopped.

"Rishabh", she started. "My life was dark, very dark. So dark that sometimes I myself would be so lost in it. I was living for the sake of living. I had lost my identity in the crowd. I had not been treated with so much respect ever. I had completely lost hope that humanity existed, that love existed. But I was wrong. You proved me wrong. But today was one of the best days of my life. I cant take the money. I wont take the money. I am going to change. I will find new ways to earn money. Thank you for giving me my life back."

And she walked off. She caught the nearest auto. " One more thing.", she said entering.
"I wont be lighting a lamp in front of God today".

Rishabh stood there with the money still in his hands.
He heard a heart beat.
It was his.