life is such...

Life can be very funny sometimes. We try to live it the way we want to yet sometimes we have to surrender to it. Some people walk ahead, holding the hand of life which follows them. Some other let life walk ahead and hold its hand and quietly follow it from behind. The choices are left to the individuals. Choices have to be made with two factors. The mind and the heart. They can never work together. Its always one at a time.

Sometimes... the mind and the heart are in a constant fight. The fight for what is wrong and what is right. We tend to do things which we dont intend do, things which we don't plan to. Well, maybe we want to some things, but never thought that we could do them or get a chance to do them. Sometimes, we just loose self control and just go with the flow. And before we know it, We let our heart take over the mind. Things just happen. Sometimes for a reason. Many times without one. And we tend to enjoy that period of being taken over. That period of surrendering to the heart. But the mind is more stronger than the heart. It strikes back and then we rethink over things or the actions done by the heart and start to analyse them. We sometimes regret over the things done. And at other times are happy that it happened.

Sometimes We have so much to say, but are unable to say it thinking of loosing on the way.We can speak so many words just by being silent. And at other times, we can say nothing by speaking so much. But then its better to just say it before its too late. There is a quote: the bitterst tears slide over graves for words unsaid and deeds undone. Life gives you opportunities sometimes. Other times you have to make your own.
At times, life can be so very cruel. We grow older filled with regrets for things not done.... For words not said....for love not expressed. Life is too short and too fragile. It needs to be handled with care. We need to live it and do things that make us happy.
Life can be very confusing.

But then life is such.

When You Find yourself...

I know some might say that animated movies are for kids ! but hey I dont care . I love all types of movies. Infact ... animated movies have a different flair all together. I mean the whole concept of putting life into something non-living and how !! ,,, its just fascinates me. ..this whole animation thing! ...And disney's Pixar Animation Studios absolutely rock in this effort. Saw two animated movie recently. CARS and WALL-E. Both were amazing, the latter being the slightly better one of the two, in terms of story perhaps. But when it came to animation , both rocked.

There was a song composed for this movie, sung by Brad Paisley. When you find yourself. The lyrics depicting the journey of this race car who finds himself stuck in the most unlikey town at the unlikely time. The song is a melodius number but what was more attractive were the lyrics....which I feel many of us "living" beings can easily relate to. You can find the vdo/movie anywhere on the net. Below are the lyrics.

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When you find yourself in some far off place
and it causes you to rethink some things
You start to sense that slowly you're becoming someone else
And then you find yourself...

When you make new friends in a brand new town
and you start to think about settling down
The things that would have been lost on you
are now clear as a bell
And you find yourself,
yeah that's when you find yourself

Well you go through life
so sure of where you're heading
And you wind up lost
and its the best thing that could have happened
Cause sometimes when you lose your way, its really just as well
because you find yourself,
yeah that's when you find yourself.

When you meet the one, that you've been waiting for
and she's everything, that you want and more
You look at her and you finally start to live for someone else
And then you find yourself,
yeah that's when you find yourself

Cause sometimes when you lose your way, its really just as well
Because you find yourself,
Yeah thats when you find yourself.

....Nothing makes sense....

He looks at her picture one last time,
As if having loved her was such a crime.
She is smiling, while he cries in pain.
This cant happen, this is insane.

He tears it apart, then joins the pieces.
Burns them up and then eats the ashes.
His strengths all gone yet again, oh no.
His bags are packed, he's ready to go.

To travel far and to travel wide
To some far off place where one does not reside
To make way for all the memories to clear
the ones that were ugly and the ones that were dear.

But he does not succeed in his mission
The past haunts him and puts him in submission.
The harder he tries, for her thoughts to erase
The stronger they come back, he's stuck in a maze.

He sees her everywhere, with every other blink.
In the air he breathes, in the wine he drinks.
He longs for someone to help him now
Someone to end his life, or to show him how.

But alas for him, there is no one around
A pin drop silence, not a word nor a sound.
For the better or worse, he is all by himself
But he has to do, do what he intends for self

He shatters the glass hard on the ground.
Picks up a piece, the first one he found.
He takes a deep breath and then thinks no more
He cuts his wrist, the hand goes sore.

He closes his eyes, and sees a vision
He relives his life, till this decision.
The tears dont stop rolling, the world seems dull
The time has gone silent, the moment seems lull

Mixed emotions are running through his veins
Life seems to fizzle out, nothing makes sense
Life seems to fizzle out, nothing makes sense
Life seems to fizzle out, nothing .........

Sleeping With The Light On

Here's a song by the band BUSTED. ---> Sleeping with the lights on.

The vdo aint that gr8.....but the lyrics are good...in parts....

And the timing, the date couldnt have been more perfect !!

====================================

Along she came, with her picture,

Put it in a frame, so I won't miss her,

Got on a plane, from London; Heathrow,

It seems such a shame, yea..

[Chorus:]

I feel her. Slipping through my fingers,<

Now she's gone, I'm sleeping with the light on,

And shocks went through my veins now, that she's gone,

I'm sleeping with the light on

Heard she's engaged, spoke to her best friend,<

No ones to blame, here's where it all ends,<

And I feel the pain, 'cause I'm without her,<

I feel the pain.<

I see the sight, with a different light,

Words cannot describe the way I'm feeling,<

'Cause I've been searching in my head,

For the words I thought she'd said,

For too long.

URL :
http://www.dailymotion.com/relevance/search/sleeping+with+the+lights+on/video/x2v4p1_busted-sleeping-with-the-light-on_music

I cant seem to find the switch to turn of the lights !!

I really do....

"Rajiv ....Dinner's ready!!", Mrs. Mane shouted from the dining room.
"Rajiv.....RAJIV....", she repeated a few moments later. Not getting any response from her son, he strolled towards the study.

"Raaaaaajiv !!! ....OH MY GOD.....RAAAJ.. ", she shouted as she saw her son on the floor...still. Minutes later at the hospital.

"What is it doctor?", Mrs. Mane asked with a worried look.

"Mrs. Mane. I......I am really sorry to say this. But we couldnt save him."
Mrs. Mane fell back as if all the energy in her body was sucked out. Her hands covered her face the next moment. "NO...NO...this cant happen", she cried. "I ...He......", and she just cudnt stop the tears from escaping the clutches of her eyes. But she as a strong woman. She collected herself a few moments later.

Seeing that the doctor continued. "Your son......had got tumour....brain tumour...", replied the doc. "It was severe, I am surprised that the first attack itself was life- tak... ". the doctor stopped seeing Mrs. Mane cover her face again.

A day later.

Mrs. Mane, went towards the desk where she last saw Rajiv. The desk was neat. He liked it that way. A few sheets were right in the centre below the paper weight. She went ahead and picked them up. She read.

A few moments later, Mrs. Mane had tears in her eyes. The last page.

She could see that the pen had dragged away towards the end. This was the moment when he had passed away. Probably he wanted to say so much more. She knew about him and Radhika. She knew that he loved her. She knew that this letter had to be delivered to her at all cost.

Later in the evening, she was at Radhika's door.

"Mom, you see that house over there. Thats where she stays." Rajiv has showed her once, when they were passing that area. His words echoed in her head as she rang the bell.
"Hi Radhika ??, she enquired.

"Yes"., the girl replied.

"I am Rajiv's mother. Rajiv died yesterday. He left you this. Please read it.", so saying she handed the letter to her and turned away crying.
Before Radikha could gather her senses and realise what she had heard, what had just happened, Mrs Mane had gone far away, disappearing behind the corner. When she recollected what she had heard, she was shocked herself. She closed the door and went inside, glancing at the paper in her hand. It was Rajiv's handwriting. She recognised it. She began to read.
====================================

Dear Radhika,

I picked up the phone today yet again, but i just couldnt dial your number. I do not know why but all my strength seems to just vanish in thin air whenever I try to do this. Dont think that I am low on self confidence or something. NO. That is not the point. Its just that sometimes, its so hard to speak to someone, to tell someone how much someone keeps thinking about the person. Sometimes its just so hard to say it in words. But its easier to write them down I think. And you must be knowing that I have always been a better writer than an orator. Hence, this paper you are holding in your hand. I hope it reaches you somehow.

I love you. I really do. I ..I.....I know I may sound desparate, trying to tell you again and again how much I ....you know...but the fact is no matter how much I try to avoid doing it I end up doing it. I know what you feel about me and I know that is never going to change. Yet for some reason I just cant stop thinking about you. I think of you in the day and I think of you in the night. I really do, I am not saying this just to sound poetic, its a fact. No matter how much I say to myself to stop thinking about you, I end up thinking about you more and more in the process of trying to forget you. Funny thing!! I sometimes think, that I should move on with life. Forget you once and for all. But whenever I see your picture or whenever I see you in front of me, I tend to go into a different mode all together. I like to be alone, thinking of you. Just me and you. And i dream. And I imagine. And i sulk in between. Shed a tear or two. And I smile again. And then i laugh thinking of what I am doing. Its very wierd you see. I know you wont be able to understand this. And do not think that I am making any effort to make you do so too. Its just that the heart is so so full. It has to leak somehow, somewhere.

I love you. I really do. I know you already know this. But I am saying it again and again , hoping that one day i get to hear a " i love you too". But I know that day would never come but yet I think, it just may.

I went to the shore again today. I know how much you love the sea. I do too. But here I walk alone, thinking of you. I sit alone, thinking of you. And I wish that I was never alone.I wish you were there with me. We could just walk for hours together holding hands, with nothing on our minds, not a word said, but yet so much spoken. Just you and me and the sea. I know this is never going to happen, but yet I imagine someday it just may. I am bored of shedding tears nowadays. But the heart keeps pushing them out. Cant stop them either. SO i let them flow. I keep fighting with myself. One part says to forget you. Other says dont let go. Fortunately or Unfortunately, there is no clear winner. Its always a tie between them. So I let it be. Let life go on as it is.

I love you. I really do. Wish you could understand. I cant force you. I know. But Wish you could understand.

You know something....I have been getting headaches lately. Dunno what the reason is. NO...Dont worry . Its not because of thinking of you too much. Dunno ...just natural i guess. As i write this, my head has already started paining. You know what I am seeing at the moment. A vision. A vision of you. Smiling. At me? I am not sure. But you are smiling.And you are looking very very beautiful. Like you always do. And will always do. I know it. I see the sea. The breeze is blowing gently. The smell is intoxicating, fresh neverthless. There is no one around. I see myself. I see a small hill. I am walking. Walking towards it ...walking alone..Oh!. I am alone yet again...as usual....Where are you?.... Why cant I see you?....Maybe you are behind the hill. Waiting for me. Are you? I hope you are. I am coming. Please dont go. Please wait. For me. Because you know it and I know you know it too, that I love you. The vision is getting blur now. Its getting dark. How can it get dark so soon. I still havent found you. I still havent reached you. Can you come over to me. Please. Oh!!..its getting more dark. Please come quick. Give me your hand.

I love you Radhika....I really d..............................

====================================

Radhika kept staring at the paper in her hand. There were tears in her eyes. One tear managed to free itself and fall down on the paper. She looked at the paper again and read the last line.

I love you Radhika....I really d O.............................
It seemed complete now. The tear had fallen right at the end completing the "O".

More tears followed.

kabhi...kabhi

pyaar koi labz nahi hotonse batane ko,

woh to ek ehsaas he aankho se samjhaane ko,

zindagi guzar jayegi pal zapakte hi,

jilo ise jaise har pal me ho wajah muskuraane ko.

koi yaad kare aapko to kuch baat he,

koi ruthe, koi to ho manane ko.
fir kabhi sochte he hum, kya roega yeh zamana

jab chale jayenge hum door kahi, kabhi bhi wapas na aane ko.

===========================

kabhi lagti ho aap parayee, koi ajnabee ho,
woh saath guzare hue pal, beeta hua kal ho,

tasveer jab saamne aa jaati he aapki,

lagti ho aap kuch apni si , aap hamari jaan ho.

kabhi sochte he hum raat raat bhar,

ki kya mila hume aapko dil de kar,

aankh band karke jab jhankte hu khud he andar,

bas ek hi chehra aapka, aa jaata he nazar.

kabhi rehta hu yaadon ki kaid me aapki,

na rihaai na zamaanat milti he,

sirf pyaar karne ka gunaah kiya tha humne,

uski bhi itni badi saza milti he.

yeh dard ka silsila tut hi nahi raha he,

dooriyon ka faasla mit hi nahi raha he,

ashq ab sookh gaye he ...ro ro ke,

aap par iska kuch asar bhi ho nahi raha he.

khwaabon ke itne tukde ho gaye he,

kuch paas me, kuch door bikhar gaye he,

jab bhi koshish karta hu unhe jodne ki,

sachai ki talwaar se fir se kut gaye he.

haalat ab kuch aise ban gaye he,

na bhul sakte he hum aapko, na yaad bhi kar sakte he,

bas jiye jaa rahe he hum isi ghum me,

ki kabhi aap ho nahi saki hamari, aur hum kuch kar bhi nahi sakte he.

BLAH BLAH BLAH....

Hi....
Yo...
How you doing?
Great....and what about you.
Not too bad.
Hmmm.....

You know something....its been close to two months!! and I havent written any new poem nor any story.
2 months!! ....Great ...keep it up.....and dont worry ...bad habits do take time to leave....but eventually they do...

Haha.....very funny....But you see...I am not so sure what has happened. Its not that I am short of ideas or have hit the writers block. NO. I got plenty of them stuck in my head. But when it comes to getting them out, the mood changes. ....Dunno why.
You know something....I always hated that stuff.

Ya....I know....whatever... !! Anyways, somehow I feel that the fuzz inside me has fizzled away !! .
..fizzled away?? ....sheeeeeeeshh.....i wonder if there is even a word like that !! ...

To be frank, I guess I been pre-occupied with work. Yes, its true. Probably that might be one reason. Also, that perhaps nothing interesting or happening is happening!!

happening is happening"!!!!...sheesh!!...whats happening dude ...control !! ..... :-)

No...I mean I have so much to write but not finding the time perhaps. And when I do find the time, the mood goes under cover. Now mood does decide what I put up here. Not that I am a very moody person, but still it holds quite some significance.

Dude!! Tell me frankly... Does anyone read the stuff you write?
Yes ..I guess...maybe.

Does anyone wait for it eagerly?
hmmmm.. I dont think so. And why should they. I started writing this blog for my own and not for anyone else...i think!!. ..

Precisely.!! Does anyone even care about what you put in here or what you dont? Does it matter? Does it make any difference to the thinking of the person reading it? Does it make any difference to the world!! ? .......Sheeeeeeesh !!! ....For all I can say, stop this crap.
Crap?? Dont call this crap buddy......Its the only outlet I have for my feelings....for my emotions.....

Feelings....Emotions!! ....ya right....What the heck dude....There is no such things as feelings ...emotions....its all for the books and fairy tales...and movies ..and stuff like that.....In reality...its just how to be practical..Everything else just goes for a toss...Its happening dude...look around..
NO....No....its not like that with everyone. Sometimes they do hold importance.

Oh do they now??...Look who is talking !!.....Well...tell me what have you got out of
them ?? ...Have they helped you in any way? Have they even been considered ? ..forget about being responded to ??
Well....I ......I mean....

Grow up buddy.....Get over with this....Life cannot be lived with soft and weak stuff like
these.....Live life the hard way....the tough way....The practical way!!....like many do. ...People dont give a damn of what you think ...of what you feel....or of what your so called 'emotions' which are hiding inside you...waiting to find their ...what was the word you used "OUTLET" !! ....yes ...outlet!! ....
Its not like that ...Sometimes they do....

There.... you said it yourself... "Sometimes" !!.....And what about the other times ??
I dunno. But I feel they do.

Ya ..Ya...thats what you think.....!!....Keep thinking.....Thats all you can do. I sometimes wonder, why do you do things that should not be done. I mean....you know....what I am talking about right....I mean.... its all about choices... I believe. And people have choices. And you cant change other people's choices, unless they themselves want to. And sometimes, when they realise and want to change their choices, it can sometimes be too late to do so. I mean you cannot change the way a person thinks about you, feels about you ...can you? And its very difficult to change their choice if you cant change their feelings.
Aha....thats my point..now you said it yourself...FEELINGS.....!! My only aim is to find the outlet for my feelings...irrespective of what other people think or act or choose. Let their choices remain to themselves, changed or unchanged ...it dosent matter to me.

Now you are talking sense.
Hmmm... We both are right in our own ways arent we ....Its just that I had lost in somewhere. I guess I had got too attached to what I was writing.

Uhhh....excuse me...Lost it ?? ...when did you "Have" it to loose it!! .. :-)
No...No...but having said that something is wrong here. Dead wrong. I cant do this. I cant just write for the sake of writing. I cant just write without having any attachment. It wont make that great a thing to read. Will it ?

Huh...What was that ??
Having said that I do standby what you said....I need to stop over doing it.....I mean.... Its time to take some decisions. Some strong decisions.
What?
Its about time.
Whaaaaa?
The strength has to seep in.
Huhhhh !!
Its time for change. A new start. ..........BLAH BLAH BLAH......
Oh ENUF...DUDE...ENUF......
BLAH BLAH BLAH......
STOP IT ...cant take your bullshit anymore. ...
BLAH BLAH BLAH......
You seriously need to take some medications!!.....
BLAH BLAH BLAH......