THE OATH

They say school days are probably the best days of one's life.
And how true it is....

I was not much into sports when in school. I was the nerdy types whose main purpose of life was to get very good marks and the 1st rank. Always used to be in the top three back then.
I loved books…. I loved studies……But somehow I still loved the SPORTS DAY.

We used to have the "March Past" as the opening ceremony prior to the commencement of the actual sport events. It's a kind of a parade...(if you are hearing the term for the first time.)

Athletes from 4 houses...Blue...Green...Red...Yellow.... dressed in the respective color all lined up basking in the afternoon heat. Their sports captain and the house captain leading them. But leading ALL of them was the HEAD BOY of the school, carrying the school flag. What an honor.

I always dreamed of being at that place leading the whole school.
But for that I had to be the head boy, which for me, at that stage was next to impossible. A head boy had to be active, had to interact with seniors, teachers, fellow students. He had to be good not only academically but in sports as well. A whole lot of Extra-curricular activities should be included in the package as well.

I....huh...I was good at only one thing back then....STUDIES...!!!

But still…. I dreamed.

( Just as in GURU. "Sapne mat dekho...sapne sach nahi hote...mere papa kehte the"....Abhishek uttering in his inimitable voice. This dialogue kind of reminded me of this dream I had once cherished. Not that my "papa" had anything to do with it.)

Anyways...coming back to the topic.....haan....dreams.....dream….”my” dream...had to achieve it ...had to do something...I forced myself to change. I started taking part in all those
activities I once shied away from, which eventually led to interaction with people around.
My studies were getting affected though. But somehow I still managed to keep myself in the top five at least.

I hardly won many competitions, but yes I made sure I took part and gave my best shot. Slowly, the tree I was watering had started bearing fruits.....bole toh……I started winning in some of them.

Days passed, I kept on gaining seniority and moving up the “standards” ladder.

Finally….the 12th standard…..the time when the heads of the schools along with the captains of the various houses were to be announced.

The P.T master came on stage to announce the names starting with the house captains. I was praying, praying hard.

My name did not feature in the captains list. That meant two things. Either I was so bad that I was no where close to being made a captain, vice captain or a sports captain for that matter. Or I was so good that I had a chance to be the HEAD BOY!!...

But alas….that was not meant to be. They announced the head boys name and it was not mine.

Jealous??….who me……well yes…of course I was jealous…I sacrificed my studies for that 8cmx3cm badge.

“And the assistant HEAD BOY is Sudhanshu Chindarkar!!”…..my PT teacher shouted on the mike.

“Whoa….what....who… why….”??...I looked up in disbelief, anger, happiness and many other feelings at the same time.

Noooooo…GOD!!!......Assistant Head Boy of all the posts!!!.. According to me, though this guy was the second post powerful person among the students in school, the post was as good as non existent.

Only in the absence of the head boy, did the assistant have any chance!!!

Nevertheless, I was happy that I had some badge on my left chest to show off.

Days zipped past faster than F1 cars after that and the SPORTS DAY was nearing.
How I wished this day never existed. So much for my dream of holding the school flag. Now all I had to do as an assistant head boy was to stand behind the head boy holding NOTHING!!! What a waste!!!

I was cursing God. Even if he had made me a captain, I would have got to hold the house flag at least. But look where he had put me now.

But then God is not all bad…is he now!!!

Five days to go for the sports day and I got the news that the head boy had to go to attend an international youth conference in Belgium!!!.....so much for the extra-curricular activities!!!........that meant…..that meant……….

The next person in power got to do whatever the head boy did…..the next person in power was the asst. head boy…….the next person in power was ME!!!!..............I love you God!!!!

SPORTS DAY!!!

I was asked to come to the staffroom. My PT master was waiting for me. “Always on time, this young chap”, he said to fellow teacher. How could I not be…..this was going to be one of the most important day of my life !!!

He gave me the school T-shirt with the logo on it. And then handed me the most precious thing I felt then….the SCHOOL FLAG!!!.....the moment I held the pole…..my chest pumped up with pride.

I walked out on the field. I saw all the houses assembled. I went and stood right in the front of the whole group.

The chief guests had arrived. The PT master beat the drum. That was a signal for me to give “THE” command.

“SCHOOL….FORWARD MARCH”…..i shouted at the top of my voice……letting out air as well as some of the pride filled in my chest!!!.....and then started marching……with everyone following me!!!! …marching to the beat of the drums….Left…right…left….

After doing one whole round of the ground, I had to come at the centre of the ground for the most important part of the day….THE OATH CEREMONY!!!

The drums had stopped; the whole school had come to a pin drop silence. I walked up to the centre of the ground. Raised my hand. Everyone followed. And then I began speaking in the mike placed on my collar, “WE…” I said. Everyone!!!( ..by everyone I mean EVERYONE..)from the students…..the teachers…..the whole school… repeated. “WE...…” in chorus…My chest had puffed up so much now that I could have given Arnold a run for his money!!!.... ”the students of Ideal Indian School………..solemnly pledge that we will take part in the 15th Annual Athletic meet……….. in true spirit of sportsmanship……….. for the honor of our school……….. and the glory of sports.” The crowd repeating my words after every pause. I felt like the king of the world. A feeling very few can experience. Its not everyday you get thousands of people following your orders and repeating your words!!!!

That day ….I realized …dreams do come true….all you have to do is give them your best shot and leave the rest to GOD.

LONG LASTING HOPE

I woke up early on Christmas morning and couldn’t believe my eyes. There were no soldiers on the road, no tanks and guns, no sound of bombings. After 5 long years would I have a real Christmas …. I wondered. Yes it was 5 years ago that it all started, when my world came crumbling around me…….Its so tough to erase those memories. Memories which keep haunting me over and over again.

Dec 24 2006. 10:00PM.

"Hey,...they have arrested Cedric." said Paul slamming the door behind him as he charged inside the house."And they have started attacking the houses now"
"Oh....No.", my mom let out a scream. "Calm down Ma..." I said hugging her. "They will kill him too just like they killed your father", mom said eyes soaking wet.

My father, Mr.Smith, was a political advisor under the government of President Fisher. The military revolt by General Stan led to the killing of not only the President but also those loyal to him. My father being one of them.The huge outcry and criticism against the General from countries around the world forced the UN to send its military aid to the present government in overcoming the General's military power.This led to the firings,bombings and the killings....largely of innocents. The people, especially youths could not take it any longer. They took to the streets, protesting against the General. Many were shot dead then and there on the roads. Few were arrested and tortured to death.

Mom's reason to cry for Cedric was understandable.
It had been 3 years....3 years of unstability....3 years of unsurity that if you step outside the house will you be back again...3 years of cries...3 years of pain....3 years of turmoil....3 years of hell....

"We need to get out of here, quick." said Paul."There are buses waiting at the Fountain. We have been asked to evacuate the city as soon as possible."

It was dark and cold outside. The whole place seemed to be in ruins. People running helter skelter.We were nearing the Fountain, when we heard someone shouting.."They are here...they are here" Behind him we saw tanks and military personnel charging towards the city square.

The people were not going to be cowed down. Many started opposing the charge. Stones were the only weapons they had.But the bullets were far more powerful. The military seemed heartless, shooting innocent people on sight. Where was the UN army when we needed them.?

"Quick mom,get in the bus" I said pushing mom inside through the door into which many others were trying to rush in.

"Where is your brother", mom said catching a seat near the window. I looked outside through the cracked window glass searching for Paul.

Paul had joined the crowd. A strange kind of madness seemed to have engulfed him."You wait here, I will go get him."I rushed outside leaving my mom screaming the word wait many times. But I couldn't loose him. My father gone, my elder brother gone.Couldn't loose Paul.
I hurried towards him. "Paul, lets go...the bus would be leaving soon."

"YOU GO...take mom to a safer place...away from this hell."

"SHUT UP...and come with me....mom's worried."

"I can't...they killed my dad, snatched my brother, destroyed my country. I can't run away like a coward."Paul grabbed up a handful of stones and started pelting them towards the advancing soldiers.

Just then, the tank fired. There was a huge explosion behind us.Both of us turned around shocked.

"MOM!!!....said Paul running towards the bus.

It took me a while to realize what had happened. I ran behind Paul. Nothing....nothing was left behind. Bodies charred so badly that it was hard to recognize the body parts leave alone the faces.

"Mom...Mom.."Paul broke down trying to identify her among the debris. I was too shocked to cry. My tear glands seemed to have frozen up.Paul got up. There was blood in his eyes. He once again grabbed a handful of stones, and started running towards the soldiers. I did not stop him. I couldn't.

The tanks fired yet again and so did the guns. Paul was on the ground motionless. I knew he was dead, no one could survive from such a close range.

My mouth went dry, my limbs went numb. I was too shocked to react. I didn't know how to react. But then I felt it. A tear drop emerging out of the corner of my eye and making its way down the cheek wiping away some of the dust and leaving a track behind for others to follow.

I bent down and grabbed a few stones myself and charged towards them with full rage along with many others who had lost their kin in the bus explosions.

I don't know what happened after that, but I found myself on the ground, blood oozing from my leg. I had been shot... to survive. Another way of torture I suppose. I was facing the stars, when the clock at the City Tower went DING DONG.

It was 12:00 pm. It was Christmas.

"Merry Christmas everyone" I murmured before falling unconscious.

I was put behind bars for 1 whole year. The UN army was finally victorious. I was released.

I had lost practically everything except hope.It was with this that I had to gather pieces and make a new start, a new journey, a new life....which I did.

Today is a different day. Today is a different Christmas.
"Daddy..Daddy..did Santa get me the bicycle I want", my daughter came running towards me."Hmmm...don't know...did u have a sock big enough for the cycle to fit in.??", I replied leaving my wife giggling in the kitchen."No." said she replied innocently."Well then maybe Santa just left it outside.""Yippee..!!" she said running out of the door.

Yes, today was a real Christmas.

PLEASE DONT GO..........

"Please Dont go",once again I said,

tears in my eyes, as she lay on the bed.

Not to loose, I hoped she'd win,

As she fought hard with the enemy within.

For two whole years, years of joy

She was my girl, and i was her boy.

the times we spent were life's best.

But somehow destiny put them to test.

Why did it have to ...happen to us.

Life we enjoyed, never made a fuss.

We laughed, we cried, we kissed, we hugged.

We danced, we sang, we fought, we heard.

But somehow someone wasn't too glad,

the one who gives life was making me sad.

HE was taking her away....away from me.

Never again to touch, never again to see.

Whose hands would i hold, whose shoulders would i cry.

whose eyes would i gaze, gaze till my eyes would dry.

Whose body would i hug, whose lips would i kiss,

whose voice would I hear, whose smile would I miss.

I prayed to GOD, really hard did I pray.

"Dont take her away, till my hair turned gray.

"why does my prayer does HE always avoid.

Why in my heart does he want to leave a void.

Thats her destiny, along with mine,

No one can fight the power divine.

Still I tried, still I said,"Please dont go",

but alas she was dead.

THE BRICK

There is a saying " Always tell the one you love that you do so" or something like that. But can it be applicable in all situations?

He liked her from the day he saw her.He felt she was "THE ONE". And as usual, it all started with friendship.

That brick of friendship slowly but surely started turning real hard...atleast from one side....his side. Maybe it was turning hard from the other side too. But he was too scared to peep over the brick to find out.

Fate shows up. They were separated. Only by distance,but neverthless separated. They still kept in touch but everyone knows about the problems in long distant relationships. Life seemed to be taking them in separate directions , directions each wanted to go, aware of the fact that its taking them away from each other. He had no choice.She had no choice. He didnt peep over.

That grip on the brick ...the brick of friendship they were holding together... was loosening. It seemed that the brick would fall and break but it was supported by a small portion of the fingers. It was still intact.

Years later, it so happened that somehow their paths crossed each other. He was glad, he was happy. He thought of fate. He felt probably she was intended to be with him. Thats why even after going in separate directions on different roads, they once again met each other. The brick was once again held properly. They came a bit more closer this time. He eventually fell in love ...or so he thought. But he was a coward. He once again didnt have the guts to peep over that brick.

Fate sensed the cowardness, and decided to once again separate them. Fate was hard on him. Fate felt there is no use for it to cross their paths. He would never be able to tell her.They were separated again.

Once again that grip was loosening. The intensity was more this time. The brick however was still intact.

He was heartbroken. He cursed himself. He was foul mouthing fate. He was shattered.But he overcame the grief. He sought company of his friends to do so. He defeated that enemy within. He had emerged victorious. He made a new start. He tried erasing her memories. He tried his best. But some remained. He moved ahead.

What happens next. ONCE AGAIN fate shows up.

Once again fate lets their path cross each other.

Is fate kind?
Is fate unkind?
Is fate trying to play with his emotions?
Is fate trying to give him that one more chance?
Is fate trying to stop him in his new found path and asking him to look back just one more time?
Is fate giving him one more chance to hold that brick hard, real hard this time and peep over?
Is fate wanting him to tell her what he couldnt for so many years?

He dosent know.This time however, he decided to played it safe. He knew a second heartbreak would be more severe. He would not be able to get on his legs again and walk in the desired path.

He searched for the feelings he once had for her. But they had dwindled or had he dwindled them away.

He searched for that happiness he got, when he used to see her. It had disappeared or had he made it to.

He searched for that feeling of "she is THE ONE" he had got when he had seen her the first time. He couldnt find it anymore or had he hidden it somwhere.


Fate says "Enough is enough. I gave you many chances now. you did not using them. You are such a coward."
He says "Why were you playing games with me?"
Fate says "You are missing your last chance, buddy."
He says "You didnt want us to be together in the first place."
Fate says "You never tried to peep over the brick."
He says "You took her away from me, when I was gathering up the courage to do so"
Fate says "She may have liked you from the start just as you did".
He says "Maybe she did ,maybe she didnt. But its too late now."
Fate says "It never too late"
He says "Ya right!! Why the hell did you make it late then? Ahh!! forget it. My dear fate, you won. I surrender.
Fate says "Dont surrender. Trust your insticts. Look inside. Deep inside. Find the answer. Find the solutions."
He says " I dont know. I cant. I tried. Its tough."

She is leaving now yet again. Fate is making her leave. He feels this time, its for good. He is never going to see her again.

The brick is going to fall and break.

What should he do?
Should he tell her the truth?
Should he tell her that he loved her once, loved for real but dosent find the same feelings now?
Should he tell her that he still likes her, which he does from within. As a friend maybe?
Should he not say anything and let her go?

HELP HIM!!!

THE THINGS

Hey folks...

Dont we all love people who are close to us. Dont we miss them when they go away,are separated or maybe taken away from us. I think we all do.

Well apart from the living entities, many of you might have a special attachment to "things". Non-living ones but very close to the hearts. It could be anything.The pair of levi jeans you got on your thirteenth birthday, the compass box you used to use for many years in your school, the watch your father gifted you when you joined high school, the cool shades your hostel mates gave on your birthday, the white shirt your girlfriend gave you, anything!!

Things like these are very close to the heart and you woudnt want to bargain them away for any price in the world.

Now what happens if "things" like these are lost or are taken away from you. It hurts dosent it.
Well, thats what happened to Sunil.
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" Do I have to come ma?", Sunil asked in a lazy tone.
"Yes beta, I had told once you got your job, we would visit the Ganesh Mandir across the street. I had asked mannat for you. You have to give a coconut and 500Rs to the temple."
"500 bucks!!!", Sunil exclaimed. "Ma, I work in a s/w company. They dont pay me so much that I can afford to give 500bucks to a temple."
"SHUT UP, with what grades you got, I didnt expect you get a job anywhere. It was due to my prayers and the blessings of Ganesh that you got this job.", mom argued.
Sunil thought it was wise to end the conversation then and there.

The temple was crowded as usual."Why cant these people stay at home and pray. Whatever happened to the omnipresency of GOD!" Sunil wondered.

It was not that he did not believe in GOD. BUt he didnt feel the so called process of
bargaining with GOD did any good. "Dear God you give me this and I will do that". He hated it.

Come fast the "aarti" is going to start., mom screamed. He removed his shoes and followed his mom quitely.Sunil was quite happy with the "crowd" inside. His eye balls had to do a lot of exercise, but it was worth it. No wonder guys come to temple, he thought.He tried to put away the distractions and concentrate on praying. After giving the coconut and 500 bucks ( the giving of the latter was quite a tough task ). Sunil almost closed his eyes when the pandit took it, infact grabbed it with his hungry eyes well coordinated with his eyes. "Wish the Indian cricket team, had such a great hand-eye coordination!!." Sunil thought .

25 min later they were on their way out. The girl ahead of them was wearing a white salwar with a black duppata. "Why cant girls like these end up in my company." he thought.
Sunil finally managed to control his feelings and bent his head down.

"SHOES!!, my shoes"!!", he shouted. Where are they??"His mom came to THE SPOT of crime. They looked everywhere but in vain. They asked the gaurd outside. He too didnt have any clue.

Sunil went into flashback.

"Dude, check these out." Alex has told him in a Reebok store.
"Sexyyyyyyyyy!!" Sunil had said turning them to find the price tag."Rs.2400"
"Damn, they are too costly.", Sunil said.
"Dude, original, sexy , one of a kind. they will look awesome on any jeans, will go with any color, check out the sole, feel the thickness, try wearing them atleast." , said Alex.
"How much did that salesman bribe you?", Sunil questioned him.
"BIG F&#@", You brought me along to HELP you choose right, I am HELPING!!. You want my help, take it.Or else lemme go check that chick in the other store.", Alex was angry.
"There is no harm trying", Sunil said putting them on.

Back to the present.

Sunil saw his mom getting into a fight with the gaurd outside. Before she could pull his hair off, Sunil controlled her and said,"Lets go ma".

Back at home, Ma was feeling terrible."My mistake, I should not have forced you. Why did you have to wear shoes to the temple though. God curse that fellow who.....blah blah blah".

"MOM. its OK!!", Sunil said trying to bring back sanity to her mind.

That night, he thought. "Why did I not feel bad? Should I feel bad or not.?" Well I had worn them for a year now, could have used them for another. Ya, they were special. The first thing I bought with my own salary. Yes they were special. God damn that person who took it. But why did this have to happen to me. Was God punishing him for not getting ready willingly to pay for the "bargain" his mom had made without his knowledge? Or was it the punishment for eyeing that girl instead of looking at him? Aah whatever. They are gone now and there is no way they are going to come back. Will need to buy a new pair tomorrow. Probably Nike.But I will miss them. They were special."

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So you see, we do feel bad when some "things" are taken away from us.
Things that are special.
Things that are close to the heart.
Things that are irreplacable.

I am sure many of you might have gone through such situations. If you have not, I will pray you dont. Coz it hurts.

WAS IT REALLY LOVE?

Was it really love ? Has he ever been in love?
He keeps asking his heart all the time. But his heart does not seem too keen to answer. Probably its because it does not know the answer itself or probably it just doesn't want to let him know the truth.

Well in that case, let him try to search for the answers himself.

He was attracted to her eyes, but was it just an attraction like any other or was there something more in it. He felt , he thought , He saw her soul in her eyes. Maybe it indeed was "love at first sight" stuff or maybe it wasn't.
Was it really love? He asks himself.

The way she said hi, the way she looked at him, the way she dressed, the way she walked, the way she talked, the way she smiled, the way she laughed, the way she made that angry face, the way she made a funny face, the way she held his hand. He liked each and every one of those ways...yes He did.
Was it really love? He asks himself.

Those days of sleepless nights, those days of writing about her, those days of just staring at her, those days of trying to draw her picture, those days of making a poem for her, those days of thinking of her in the day, those days of thinking of her in the night, those days of missing her. He went through all those days...yes he did.
Was it really love? He asks himself.

He imagined she would be his, he imagined she would hold his hand, he imagined he would hold her hand, he imagined she would hug and kiss him, he imagined her to be his wife, he imagined her in his family, talking to his father, listening to his mother, teasing his brother , laughing with his sister. He imagined her head on his shoulders when she would be sad, he imagined her holding hands when they would be walking, he imagined her face when she would be old but yet be very beautiful in his eyes. He imagined all these ...yes He did.
Was it really love? He asks himself.

Those moments of giving her hints, those moments of catching the adjacent seat while watching a movie together with friends, those moments of sending sms', those moments of chat, those moments of calls, those moments of talking ignoring time, those moments of trying to tell her that he loved her (through his eyes), those moments of trying to tell he loved her (through his words), those moments of feeling scared to tell her how much he loved her just incase she refused. He went through all those
moments....yes He did.
Was it really love? He asks himself.

Yet, He finally managed to tell to tell her all about those days, about those imaginations, about those moments. But she didnt understand how much they meant, how much they were true. She didnt go through those days, imaginations and those moments like he did.
Was it really love? He asks himself.

Now those days are lost, those imaginations have been scattered, those moments have been washed away.He didnt know one thing that empty hearts would cause so much of pain. He didnt know one thing that the pain from the heart would come out from the eyes. He didnt know those eyes would be again be poked by shattered dreams.

But He has regained lost ground, He have conquered the enemy within, He has cleaned up the mess and gathered those pieces of broken heart. He has been born again from the ashes of his own heart.

He still wonders though....

WAS IT REALLY LOVE?

The START

Hi friends,

Finally!!! A blog of my own. Have so much to tell. So much to share. I guess we are going to have a really good time out here!!

My blog here, as the name suggests would be consisting mostly about matters related to the heart in one way or the other.Some written by me, some by others. So if you guys need a break, time to relax, a thought to share, a peace of mind, a friend to confide......whatever.... this is just the place.

Below is just a sample of what you are gonna get.

===========================

Life is like a book, with pages all clear.
Its upto us to fill them with things that are dear.

===========================

Friendship and love are like two hands of a clock,
sometimes it is the time itself they block,
they may meet at one point and depart at the other,
but the fact that they stay connected is all that matters.

===========================
.

So get ready guys.

Life is the vehicle.
Heart is the driver.
I am the passenger.
Wanna hop in.

NJOY THE RIDE :-)