Redemption....

Akshay washed his face and stared at the mirror.
Drops of waters trickling down his face.
He was staring at his own eyes. They had cried a lot for years now.
Was this the right thing to do ? Should i really go there ? he asked himself.

30min later he was at the place.
"Dr. Zahira Khan". The board outside read.

He went inside. There were hardly any people inside.
Mr. Akshay ? , the receptionist asked.
Yes., he replied.
Please go inside. Madam is expecting you.

Hands trembling, he went inside.

"Akshay ??right ? . Come, have a seat" , Dr. Zahira spoke.
The voice was calm soothing. People in her profession need to have that kind of a voice.
"Thanks doc for seeing me in such short notice", Akshay replied.

"No problem, make yourself comfortable. We have a lot to talk", she said.

Akshay had been going through some very bad days. He was not getting sleep, his work was getting affected, he had lost clarity of thoughts, he always wanted to be in isolation.
The separation from his beloved was getting to him in worse possible ways. It was then that his friend suggested he should visit Dr. Zahira, hopefully to get his life back in order. So here he was. Not sure what to say or do. He sat patiently looking at the doc.

"Okayy .." said Dr. Zahira as she was scanning through some papers.
"So tell me Akshay, what is it thats bothering you."

Akshay seemed puzzled. " uhh .where should i start? " , he replied.
"Just speak your heart out Akshay,' , Dr Zahira smiled.

Akshay took one sip from the glass of water kept on the table and then took a deep breath and began.

" Its been 5 years now ever since we got separated." , he started.
"We ? " , doc replied.



" Me and Aditi. We were so madly in love. We are soul mates. we had planned so much for life. We had imagined so many things. Oh we loved each other so much doc. It was magical. We dreamt so many things but then fate just had other plans. Somehow things started going wrong. Everything seemed to fall apart. I tried my best to hold on to her. But she had to choose. It was her choice. And she did not choose me.", Akshay said in one go.

"Do you blame her? ", Dr. Zahira enquired.

"No...never.. I would never blame my baby. I loved her so much. I still do. You know wat doc its been 5 years and i have tried my best to move on in life. To try to forget her. To try to wipe her memories off, but nothing seems to be working. There is not a single moment when i dont think about her. No matter what i do, i end up thinking about her. Worse part is that even when i am asleep, i get dreams about her. Almost every single day doc. Oh Doc, the visions in the dreams, her face is so clear, so distinct. The touch of her hand on my hand in my dream seems so real even to this day. I really dont know what do to. I try my best to convince myself thats its all over. But deep inside i know that my heart will always have a hole. My life will always be incomplete without her.", Akshay burst into tears.

Dr. Zahira handed him the tissue paper asking " So are you both still in touch ?"

"No ..she has not called for a long time now. I keep dying to hear her voice. So i listen to the recording we once took. I keep looking at her pics when i miss her and most often than not, tears and pain always come. I always wonder how life would have been with her. The thing is doc, i really dont know whom to blame. Should i blame myself, her or god or fate. Whom should i go asking for the answer to my Q. The Q being ... why why did all this happen to us. When we were meant to be together, then why are we separated like this".

"Do you have her pic Akshay?", the doc asked.

Akshay removed his wallet, and showed the doc her pic.
"I was there with her when she took this pic in the studio. And i have been carrying it
in my wallet ever since. I talk to this pic when i feel like talking to her. I kiss this pic good night before i go to bed. This pic is the only thing which makes me be closer to her. I know its madness, but then this is how it is."

Dr. Zahira paused and looked at Akshay staring at Aditi's pic in his hand.

"Akshay, have u tried going out, seeing other girls. getting into another relationship, marriage perhaps. Doing things to make you not think about her.." she asked.

"Huh ..doc..i already told u.... i try and keep myself busy with work or other activities, but i end up thinking about her. If i talk with other girls, i feel a guilty feeling that i am cheating on her. Being into another relationship is just not possible with Aditi still in my heart. Marriage... huh .. my parents are forcing me for long time now. But i keep refusing them coz i know that Aditi will come back to me one day. I just know it deep inside my heart that we will be together soon." , Akshay smiled.

Dr. Zahira had a worried look on her face now. She knew this was a tough case.
She was sitting in front of a patient who just didnt want to let go. She was sitting in front of a patient who was living in a fantasy world he has created for himself and was living in the past. Afraid to see the truth. But she had to show him the truth.

"Do you know Akshay that Aditi is married now.?". Dr. Zahira asked.

"Yes i know. But i also know that no matter what one day she will..."

"Akshay Akshay ..." the doc interuptted. " I got to show you some thing."

She removed some pics from her file and placed in the table in front of Akshay.
Pics of Aditi and her husband. Akshay was stunned looking at them. He felt heartbroken once again. Seeing Aditi holding hands with someone else, seeing their faces close to each other, he was devastated. Anger seemed to be quickly rushing through. He stood up and banged his hands on the table.

" NOooooooooooooo" , he said and threw the pics on the ground.

Dr. Zahira did not utter a word. She gave him time to calm down.

Akshay sat down again holding his head in this hands and crying profusely.
Then after 5min, he started smiling and then laughing.

"Doc...dont think i am crazy or something. I am fine. I know the reality. I just want to ask my baby whether she has moved on. I want to hear from her that she has moved on. I want to know if she is happy. I want to know from her that she is living the life fate has given to her, but i want to know that she will never forget me. I want to know if she thinks about me. I want to know if she sheds tears thinking about me. Coz i have been crying every single day since we were separated. Every god damned single day. About the pics which you just showed me. Pics can be deceptive. They dont always show the real feelings inside. I know when my baby smiles. I Know when she pretends to smile. She is pretending to smile in all these pics. Its like sometimes you dont want to, but you have to". Akshay said.

"Yes Akshay. Perhaps you are right. perhaps she is pretending to be happy with her new life.
But she has moved on unlike u. She has accepted the decision of fate with a heavy heart perhaps. But she has and thats what important. Perhaps she is sad. Perhaps she too might be thinking about u every now and then. Perhaps she too might be shedding some tears when your thoughts come. Perhaps she too worries about u. But what you have to see is that she has decided to move on with her new life, but i am sure she would never forget u and the time you both had when you were together. I am sure she will treasure that time as long as she is alive. But you have to be practical Akshay. I know you love her so much and will always do. but this is how life is.
You do not always get what you want. You have to think about your parents too. You have to make sure they are happy too. You said she decided not to choose you when she had a choice, coz perhaps she cared for her parents too. And now you have to do it too." , Dr Zahira spoke.

"But doc, wat is the point. Its a fake life I would be living. Its a fake life she is living too. Its like you have someone else in your heart but have to live with some other person. what point of living a life like that."



"Sometimes Akshay, your life has many other people dependent on you. And you have no other choice but to live your life for others happiness. Trust me AKshay, Aditi will not want you to waste your life like this. She would want you to marry someone else and find love again and move on."

"Ahhgg...doc....you dont know anything. You do not know how much we prayed to be together. We always wanted to be together. If somehow we would get to go back to that time when we had to make a decision, i am sure we would choose each other. Even now, suppose somehow it was possible that i had one wish. I am sure that one wish would be to be together with Aditi again. Huh. I know doc, i understand what you are trying to say. Trust me. I know it. I know i have to move on. But i still feel that hoping that one day she will come back is the thing that keeps me alive. I miss her so much doc." , Akshay burst into tears again.

"Akshay. You have to gather yourself. Its not wrong in hoping or wishing that one day you will be together. But till that day comes, you need to move on with what life has planned for you. You have to be happy that you were able to get true love in your life. Not many are able to find that. Even though you are not together now, whatever time you had with each other was special and you both know it and you both should treasure it. And dont worry seeing the love you both have for each other, I am sure that one day will def come, that you both will be together.
But do not waste your life till that day." , Dr. Zahira smiled.

Akshay left the place, went back home. It was late.
He washed his face, looked at himself in the mirror and smiled.
He knew all along what he had to know and what he had to do. Its just that he had to hear it from someone else. He knew he had to move on. He knew that his life was always going to incomplete no matter what he did. But he was never going to give up hope of being together with Aditi one day. He will be waiting for her. One day will def come.

He smiled.
Removed his wallet. Removed Aditi's pic.
Kissed her good night and went to sleep.