Mihir woke up even before the alarm clock could ring. This was happening for quite many days now. Today, was just like any other day with her thought being the first to come in his mind. But he had to do it. He had to tell her how he felt. For better or worse, he had to. An hour later, he got ready and drove to her house without having a clarity of what and how he was going to tell her.
"Hey Chandni, I am standing below your house. Can we talk.", said Mihir with a trembling voice.
"Mihir !.. what happened. Is everything all right", replied Chandni concerned.
"Yes, can you come down for a few minutes.......please", Mihir added that please in desperation.
"OK be there in 5min" was the reply.
5min. Mihir had just 5min to think about what he was going to say about how he was feeling. He tried hard to make up sentences or gather his thoughts but he was not able to. Before he could properly finish one sentence in his head, Chandni up right in front of him.
"Hi Mihir", she said.
"Hey babyyyy...i mean Chandni", he replied correcting himself drowning yet again in her beauty.
"What happened Mihir?",she said concerned.
"Well...about what is happening between us.", Mihir started coming straight to the point.
"This awkwardness. This uneasiness. This mess up. Its killing me everyday, every min. I cant seem to stop thinking about it. I just needed to talk to someone about it. And i could not find anyone but you. So please just listen" , Mihir said his voice shaking a bit.
Chandni looked at him and said, "Go on Mihir, I am listening".
Mihir and Chandni were together for over a year. What started as friendship suddenly evolved into a feeling connecting their hearts together in an inseparable way. It took Mihir a lot of time to put all his past behind and finally tell Chandni, one day, whispering in her ears as she slept on his lap, those 3 words.
But with the situation they were in, they always knew that it was going to be tough. Being together was easy. Staying together was the tough part. Both their families were very orthodox and convincing them was without doubt an impossible task. It was not even worth trying because they knew the answer they were going to get. A "No". And it was not worth broadcasting to their friends, so they had to keep it between themselves about what they had, how they felt for each other. But still they were together trying to live in the moment. Trying to extract every bit of happiness they could... for as long as they could. But as fate would have it, every thing has an expiry date and their relationship was no different. One fine day, they decided that they needed to put an end to all this. They needed to break up for the sake of everyone's happiness. Their parents were already searching for their respective life partners and it would break ones heart as and when the other got their "fixing" done with someone else. So they could not drag what they had to the last day because they knew it would hurt a lot. So they decided that they had to stop seeing each other. They had to be friends once again. But things got complicated when Zaheer, her friend proposed to her on the very day of their break up. Mihir hated him.
"What did you tell him", Mihir had asked Chandni desperation in his voice.
"I just told him, i need time", she had replied.
"Well. ok. I am happy for you. He is good. Your families know each other and he loves you very much and he will take care of you nicely.", Mihir had replied with a pain in his heart.
"But i love you Mihir", she replied crying.
"Heyyyy its ok. Everything will be fine.". Mihir said wiping her tears and hugging her in his arms.
A month had passed and here Mihir was standing in front of Chandni wondering how to continue further.
"OK...let me begin right from the start. The first day we met. I was already heartbroken from my past. Everything around me seemed meaningless and dark till I saw you. You were the light which could save me from how i was feeling....lost. Your hair, your smile, your eyes, just seeing you was enough to bring a smile on my face. You were like a breath of fresh air when i feel choked up. But i took it slowly. I controlled myself. I didnt want to spoil the friendship. I enjoyed your company. I loved that child in you and I respected that mature woman in you as well. You were the most beautiful, most understanding and most perfect gf or wife anyone could have. And I really wished we could marry each other. But I knew it was going to be tough. Thats the reason I could not say those 3 words to you for a long long time, even though I knew deep inside how I felt and how you felt. But then when we decided not to see each other anymore, thats when i realised how much you were a part of my life already and how much I would be missing you.", Mihir said in one breath.
Chandni was listening patiently. "Mihir", she said trying to convince him that it is too late.
"Just listen..please.", Mihir said with his eyes getting moist. "It hurts Chandni. I am sorry but it really hurts deep deep inside seeing you with Zaheer. You know how much I hate that guy. There are some people you just hate for no particular reason and he was one of them. And it really hurts me to see the one person I loved so much with the one person I hate so much. And all this happened right after our breakup, which hurts even more. I did not have time to recover. You stiched up my broken heart but the stiches are tearing up again and the wound is opening up again and the pain is coming back again. I feel life has gone a full circle and my life has ended up on the same point before I found you. The same lonely, confused, meaningless life. Its too dark once again and i dont have a light to take me out. I dont have anyone to wake up for each day. Everything i do seems meaningless. Life itself seems a formality. Huh... I know I am strong, I always have been, but loosing you in this way slowly and in front of my eyes....just rips my heart out.....i feel breathless.....choked up....the heart feels so heavy and the throat goes dry and the tears dont stop and the mind is in pain. All the fking time.", Mihir said clinching his fist hard and hitting his forehead.
"Mihir...please", Chandni replied.
"Wait wait.. i havent finished yet", replied Mihir taking a deep breath. "I know all that I have said is only from my point of view about how I feel and about how I see it. But i also understand your side. I thought about it a lot. We both always knew that our relationship was going to hit the wall someday. I thought about an opposite scenario. What if Zaheer had not proposed to you. What if some other girl would have proposed to me on the day of our breakup. Someone who loved me very much and someone you hated. How would I feel then looking into her eyes and not able to truly love her the way I loved you but still thinking about giving it a chance. But if you really want to know how I feel, try to imagine how would you feel then... seeing me in another girls arms immediately after our break up. Wouldnt it hurt you as well." , Mihir paused as tears rolled out of his eyes. He covered his face with his hands trying to think about what he was going to say next.
"Yes it would very much", Chandni replied calmly. Her voice filled with pain.
"Exactly. This is how i feel. But having said that. I thought about it and I am happy for you in a way. Its good that you found someone before me. Its good that "I" am the one who has to go through the suffering and pain of seeing his love being taken away like this and not "you". I am experienced in all this and have seen it, suffered it before. Trust me, its really painful and I am sure you would not have been able to bear the pain. SO good that he proposed to you, i know his expression of love is different from mine, more filmy, more materialistic, more to do with things that can be seen or touched first ...rather that can be felt first, but he was always a showoff anyway and thats why I hated him," Mihir said smiling.
Chandni broke a smile too. A mixed emotion actually , a forced smile which comes when u want to wrap up the sadness.
"But please please please dont just rush into things. Be clear of how you really feel and what you really want. Dont just fall for someone because they proposed to you. Fall for someone when you really feel it inside your heart. Fall for someone whom you love too. Dont jsut think that 'ok, this is a person I can live my life with' and marry someone. Ask yourself, \is this the person i cannot live my life without' and marry him instead. Ok having said that, I thought about it and thought and thought that the only thing that matters to me is to see you smile ...oh what a beautiful smile you have....and be loved and for you to be happy. So if there is some guy out there who would give you all that,(even if he is the guy I hate), I should not interfere right. I should let you go right? ", Mihir said pausing for breath before continuing.
"I just wonder why does it always have to be me all the fking time to make such a sacrifice over and over and over again. Why cant for once I get someone who I really want. Why is it me who has to be the great lover who sacrificed his love for someone else. Who sacrificed his happiness for the person he loved. Why is it me who has to suffer that unbearable pain to see ones love in someone elses arms. But then the fact is. This is it. I am cursed. My life will always be like this. People will come in it and be there with me, pull me from all the misery, give me all the happiness and just when i think that everything is going to be allright, life will put me back in misery again, snatch away everything that belongs to me. Its like a never ending repeating process. And i am TIRED of it. Tired of all the emotional baggage and the mental trauma associated with all this. I am tired of getting hurt again and again. I wish there was a switch inside me which I could just turn off forever and not feel anything.... for anyone.... anymore.... ever again. I wish", Mihir said feeling better now, having let go of what he had been holding on to for a month now.
Chandni was looking at him with tears in her eyes. She didnt know what to say. She had two guys with her. One whom she loved and who loved her back very much, but whom she could not marry. And the other who loved her very much and whom she could marry. But was this really the guy for her. Why could not she feel the same way when he said those 3 words to her, the way she felt when Mihir said it. Why could not she feel the same way, when he held her hand, or touched her, the way she felt when Mihir did the same.Could one day, would she be able to love Zaheer the way she loved Mihir. Thinking practically and from the family's perspective Zaheer was the guy she could live with, but would he ever be the guy whom she could not live without. She thought about it a lot.
"I am sorry Mihir", was all she could utter though with Mihir staring at her.
"Its ok. Everything is cool. Just wanted to tell you this", Mihir said feeling lighter now. "Well, be happy dear, God bless you with all the happiness. Oh yes, there is one more thing. I got a new job in Mumbai. So would be moving there in a few days. Perhaps its a good thing. Perhaps not seeing you around would ease some of my pain and i hope the other way round too. Tell you later about it. Have to go now."., Mihir said as he drove away as Chandni watching him till he disappeared around the curving road, her heart feeling a weird kind of pain.
TO BE CONTD...
"Hey Chandni, I am standing below your house. Can we talk.", said Mihir with a trembling voice.
"Mihir !.. what happened. Is everything all right", replied Chandni concerned.
"Yes, can you come down for a few minutes.......please", Mihir added that please in desperation.
"OK be there in 5min" was the reply.
5min. Mihir had just 5min to think about what he was going to say about how he was feeling. He tried hard to make up sentences or gather his thoughts but he was not able to. Before he could properly finish one sentence in his head, Chandni up right in front of him.
"Hi Mihir", she said.
"Hey babyyyy...i mean Chandni", he replied correcting himself drowning yet again in her beauty.
"What happened Mihir?",she said concerned.
"Well...about what is happening between us.", Mihir started coming straight to the point.
"This awkwardness. This uneasiness. This mess up. Its killing me everyday, every min. I cant seem to stop thinking about it. I just needed to talk to someone about it. And i could not find anyone but you. So please just listen" , Mihir said his voice shaking a bit.
Chandni looked at him and said, "Go on Mihir, I am listening".
Mihir and Chandni were together for over a year. What started as friendship suddenly evolved into a feeling connecting their hearts together in an inseparable way. It took Mihir a lot of time to put all his past behind and finally tell Chandni, one day, whispering in her ears as she slept on his lap, those 3 words.
But with the situation they were in, they always knew that it was going to be tough. Being together was easy. Staying together was the tough part. Both their families were very orthodox and convincing them was without doubt an impossible task. It was not even worth trying because they knew the answer they were going to get. A "No". And it was not worth broadcasting to their friends, so they had to keep it between themselves about what they had, how they felt for each other. But still they were together trying to live in the moment. Trying to extract every bit of happiness they could... for as long as they could. But as fate would have it, every thing has an expiry date and their relationship was no different. One fine day, they decided that they needed to put an end to all this. They needed to break up for the sake of everyone's happiness. Their parents were already searching for their respective life partners and it would break ones heart as and when the other got their "fixing" done with someone else. So they could not drag what they had to the last day because they knew it would hurt a lot. So they decided that they had to stop seeing each other. They had to be friends once again. But things got complicated when Zaheer, her friend proposed to her on the very day of their break up. Mihir hated him. "What did you tell him", Mihir had asked Chandni desperation in his voice.
"I just told him, i need time", she had replied.
"Well. ok. I am happy for you. He is good. Your families know each other and he loves you very much and he will take care of you nicely.", Mihir had replied with a pain in his heart.
"But i love you Mihir", she replied crying.
"Heyyyy its ok. Everything will be fine.". Mihir said wiping her tears and hugging her in his arms.
A month had passed and here Mihir was standing in front of Chandni wondering how to continue further.
"OK...let me begin right from the start. The first day we met. I was already heartbroken from my past. Everything around me seemed meaningless and dark till I saw you. You were the light which could save me from how i was feeling....lost. Your hair, your smile, your eyes, just seeing you was enough to bring a smile on my face. You were like a breath of fresh air when i feel choked up. But i took it slowly. I controlled myself. I didnt want to spoil the friendship. I enjoyed your company. I loved that child in you and I respected that mature woman in you as well. You were the most beautiful, most understanding and most perfect gf or wife anyone could have. And I really wished we could marry each other. But I knew it was going to be tough. Thats the reason I could not say those 3 words to you for a long long time, even though I knew deep inside how I felt and how you felt. But then when we decided not to see each other anymore, thats when i realised how much you were a part of my life already and how much I would be missing you.", Mihir said in one breath.
Chandni was listening patiently. "Mihir", she said trying to convince him that it is too late.
"Just listen..please.", Mihir said with his eyes getting moist. "It hurts Chandni. I am sorry but it really hurts deep deep inside seeing you with Zaheer. You know how much I hate that guy. There are some people you just hate for no particular reason and he was one of them. And it really hurts me to see the one person I loved so much with the one person I hate so much. And all this happened right after our breakup, which hurts even more. I did not have time to recover. You stiched up my broken heart but the stiches are tearing up again and the wound is opening up again and the pain is coming back again. I feel life has gone a full circle and my life has ended up on the same point before I found you. The same lonely, confused, meaningless life. Its too dark once again and i dont have a light to take me out. I dont have anyone to wake up for each day. Everything i do seems meaningless. Life itself seems a formality. Huh... I know I am strong, I always have been, but loosing you in this way slowly and in front of my eyes....just rips my heart out.....i feel breathless.....choked up....the heart feels so heavy and the throat goes dry and the tears dont stop and the mind is in pain. All the fking time.", Mihir said clinching his fist hard and hitting his forehead.
"Mihir...please", Chandni replied.
"Wait wait.. i havent finished yet", replied Mihir taking a deep breath. "I know all that I have said is only from my point of view about how I feel and about how I see it. But i also understand your side. I thought about it a lot. We both always knew that our relationship was going to hit the wall someday. I thought about an opposite scenario. What if Zaheer had not proposed to you. What if some other girl would have proposed to me on the day of our breakup. Someone who loved me very much and someone you hated. How would I feel then looking into her eyes and not able to truly love her the way I loved you but still thinking about giving it a chance. But if you really want to know how I feel, try to imagine how would you feel then... seeing me in another girls arms immediately after our break up. Wouldnt it hurt you as well." , Mihir paused as tears rolled out of his eyes. He covered his face with his hands trying to think about what he was going to say next.
"Yes it would very much", Chandni replied calmly. Her voice filled with pain.
"Exactly. This is how i feel. But having said that. I thought about it and I am happy for you in a way. Its good that you found someone before me. Its good that "I" am the one who has to go through the suffering and pain of seeing his love being taken away like this and not "you". I am experienced in all this and have seen it, suffered it before. Trust me, its really painful and I am sure you would not have been able to bear the pain. SO good that he proposed to you, i know his expression of love is different from mine, more filmy, more materialistic, more to do with things that can be seen or touched first ...rather that can be felt first, but he was always a showoff anyway and thats why I hated him," Mihir said smiling.
Chandni broke a smile too. A mixed emotion actually , a forced smile which comes when u want to wrap up the sadness.
"But please please please dont just rush into things. Be clear of how you really feel and what you really want. Dont just fall for someone because they proposed to you. Fall for someone when you really feel it inside your heart. Fall for someone whom you love too. Dont jsut think that 'ok, this is a person I can live my life with' and marry someone. Ask yourself, \is this the person i cannot live my life without' and marry him instead. Ok having said that, I thought about it and thought and thought that the only thing that matters to me is to see you smile ...oh what a beautiful smile you have....and be loved and for you to be happy. So if there is some guy out there who would give you all that,(even if he is the guy I hate), I should not interfere right. I should let you go right? ", Mihir said pausing for breath before continuing.
"I just wonder why does it always have to be me all the fking time to make such a sacrifice over and over and over again. Why cant for once I get someone who I really want. Why is it me who has to be the great lover who sacrificed his love for someone else. Who sacrificed his happiness for the person he loved. Why is it me who has to suffer that unbearable pain to see ones love in someone elses arms. But then the fact is. This is it. I am cursed. My life will always be like this. People will come in it and be there with me, pull me from all the misery, give me all the happiness and just when i think that everything is going to be allright, life will put me back in misery again, snatch away everything that belongs to me. Its like a never ending repeating process. And i am TIRED of it. Tired of all the emotional baggage and the mental trauma associated with all this. I am tired of getting hurt again and again. I wish there was a switch inside me which I could just turn off forever and not feel anything.... for anyone.... anymore.... ever again. I wish", Mihir said feeling better now, having let go of what he had been holding on to for a month now.
Chandni was looking at him with tears in her eyes. She didnt know what to say. She had two guys with her. One whom she loved and who loved her back very much, but whom she could not marry. And the other who loved her very much and whom she could marry. But was this really the guy for her. Why could not she feel the same way when he said those 3 words to her, the way she felt when Mihir said it. Why could not she feel the same way, when he held her hand, or touched her, the way she felt when Mihir did the same.Could one day, would she be able to love Zaheer the way she loved Mihir. Thinking practically and from the family's perspective Zaheer was the guy she could live with, but would he ever be the guy whom she could not live without. She thought about it a lot.
"I am sorry Mihir", was all she could utter though with Mihir staring at her.
"Its ok. Everything is cool. Just wanted to tell you this", Mihir said feeling lighter now. "Well, be happy dear, God bless you with all the happiness. Oh yes, there is one more thing. I got a new job in Mumbai. So would be moving there in a few days. Perhaps its a good thing. Perhaps not seeing you around would ease some of my pain and i hope the other way round too. Tell you later about it. Have to go now."., Mihir said as he drove away as Chandni watching him till he disappeared around the curving road, her heart feeling a weird kind of pain.
TO BE CONTD...
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